My Dad, who has had myasthenia gravis for about 10 years and Alzheimers for at least 5, had to be taken to the hospital today. His condition got worse earlier this week after he had taken a stress test and had been injected with a bunch of isotopes for a CAT scan - he had a cancerous growth removed from his neck in April, and he got another one on the other side of his neck, and they needed to check him out. CAT scans showed that the cancer has apparently spread to his lungs. We had been taking him for tests and doctors appointments almost every weekday for almost a month now. Sorry about the rambling…well, anyway for the past week or so he had been getting weaker and more deranged, he’s peed in several strange places around the apartment, and he soiled himself Thursday (he has never had problems with controlling his bodily functions until this week), and has been spending nearly all his time lying in bed. A couple of times he tried to get up and fell down, and he scraped himself up and got a bump on his head. Anyway, today he was so weak he couldn’t walk even with help, my Mom is sick too and can’t lift him (even though he’s lost about 40 pounds in the last 4 months). He was going to go to have the surgery tomorrow but we realized he was too sick for it and had to be hospitalized.
Anyway, it looks like he will be dying soon, although he did improve a small amount in the hospital (at least he’s conscious and responds to us sometimes). My Mom was already feeling very guilty because she stopped giving him his medicine to lower his blood sugar when he stopped eating (oh yeah, he’s also diabetic), and it turned out his blood sugar was over 400 when the paramedics came. The doctor told her that she did the right thing not giving him the medicine, and that helped, but then another doctor told her they need to talk to her tomorrow about how he was allowed to get to such a bad condition, and she’s worried sick.
She tries to take care of him, but she can’t force him to eat when he refuses to. We probably would have taken him to a doctor sooner but we already had an appointment to take him to the hospital on Monday, and this wasn’t the first time he went through a spell where he was much weaker and didn’t get out of bed much (though this is the first time he started peeing on everything in the house).
This has been a really bad year for me. So far I have been laid off from my best job ever, had my wife leave me, had to move to a small apartment in a questionable neighborhood, had a girlfriend dump me on my birthday, and now my Dad is dying and it sounds like they may be trying to pin the blame on my Mom.
When the doctor told her that they need to talk tomorrow about how he was allowed to get to such a bad condition, she or he may have meant that his medical treatment by physicians was inadequate – not the care-giving.
Most physicians, I think, are aware of the terrible difficulties that the main care-giver has to survive. I cannot imagine what you and your mom must have endured in watching your father deteriorate. He may be in less pain than the two of you.
Your mother didn’t give him cancer, myasthenia gravis, diabetes or Alzeimers – all of which can be fatal.
She may need reassurance for a long time that she did the best that she could and that she shouldn’t be so hard on herself.
I’m sorry that you are going through such a horrendous period in your life. “This too shall pass.”
Dad’s been under the continuous care of a whole team of doctors, and SuperDoc must have known that, and he wouldn’t be second-guessing Dad’s entire team. No, he meant exactly what it sounded like–“you weren’t giving him his medicine, so it’s your fault he went down so fast and the paramedics had to come take him away.”
Fire him.
If you can’t fire him, then you have my permission to ignore anything he says from here on in, 'cause he’s an idjit.
Make sure your Mom understands that. When you’re upset, the “idjit-ness” of a doctor isn’t readily apparent, especially if you’re a member of the Old School, like my mother, who still believe that the Doctor is God.
And FWIW I am truly sorry that your life sucks so bad.
It is obvious you have been through a lot lately and are still concerned what is best for others. In my book that is a sign of a real stand up person. I just hope and pray that you can finally get a bit of peace in your life. Hopefully things will make a turn for the better and will looking up for you. Best wishes.
I agree with DDG…fire this guy if you can. It would seem to me that if you have been taking him to various physicians on a regular basis, someone would have already noticed if your mom was providing inadequate care, wouldn’t they? It sounds like your father has been steadily declining for some time, and as much as we hate to see it, it is an expected progression with these types of illnesses.
Lots of emotional support coming your way, for you and Mom.
I have walked a similar path not so very long ago. It seems right now that you are in the valley of doom with everyone and everything slinging massive amounts of doo-doo on you.
This I promise you, one day ( and it probably be soon enough) you will feel like you are finally climbing out of that valley. When you are finally on top, looking down, you will see just how much you can endure * and just how much * you have grown.
Times like these suck beyond measure, my friend, but in the future you just may be able to help someone else out who is in similar straights.
I wish you peace and strength.
Badtz - I watched my father waste away from acancer, and it was a horrible thing. At the end I felt almost grateful for his death, then felt guilty for that. I wish for strength for you and your family.
I’ve already been there, StGermain. When his heart started racing and the alarms started going off, part of me was hoping this was the end of it - but he recovered. Last I talked to my Mom (last night, I’ve been at work, she’s been at the hospital) she said he was sleeping peacefully and seemed to be recovering.
i’m thinking of the Badtz Maru family, and wishing good things for you all.
Badtz Maru, i’m not being more specific, because i don’t know exactly what to say. just that i hope this has a good outcome for you and yours.
You certainly are having a tough time, me Maru. I’ve been there. Consider yourself on the receiving end of good wishes, and a hug. I’m offering a prayer for your parents that they’ll get through this period, and progess safely on to the next. Take care.
They’ve put him in hospice care now, stopped giving him the mestinon, aricept, and various other chemicals that keep him alive, and now are just making sure he’s comfortable. Probably doesn’t have long to go. Hearing this made it all hit me at once, guess I have been suppressing how I feel about his dying for a while, I had to leave work early because I couldn’t concentrate.
Well, they have talked some more about doing more tests on him, not sure why unless they think maybe he doesn’t have lung cancer and has a chance, not sure…anyway, I’m hanging in there.
The doctor may have been trying (and not succeeding ) to get across the idea that your mom can no longer care for your dad on her own, without meaning to lay blame on anyone. Which might actually turn out to be helpful if your dad recovers enough to go home. Hospitals can arrange for home attendants and visiting nurses if that’s what’s needed in order for a patient to be discharged.
