Damn Enablers!

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m really getting pissed at all the enablers out there. And believe me, I know whereof I speak!

I smoked for 15 years, and you know what… everyone just fucking let me! NO ONE stopped me! It’s almost too much to believe.

Heck, I stop by the same gas station on my way home every afternoon and buy two or three forty-ouncers. If I go through them kind of quick, I might walk over later in the evening and get one more. And they keep selling it to me! Don’t they understand what this is doing to my liver?

Just as a test, I decided earlier this month to eat at a local fast food joint twice a day every day for 2 weeks. I ordered the biggest, fattest, most artery-choking, vitamin-deficient stuff they had, every time. And they just handed it over with a smile! TWO SOLID WEEKS, people! How do they get away with it?

I guess I should be used to it by now. My parents were this way. They let me ride my bicycle, go off with my friends – who the hell knew what we were doing? – read anything and everything in the library. Is it any wonder I wound up the way I did?

You’d expect at least the government would stop enabling me. They’re supposed to take care of us, right?

But no. I can buy weapons, keep them in my home, even sit in the bathtub and play with them while listening to Marilyn Manson. I intend to spend my tax refund on barbecue-flavored pork rinds and Internet pornography. And there is absolutely NO LAW AGAINST THIS! Why, I ask you! This is insanity.

I called my own mother up, told her what I was planning to do. Know what she said? She said, “Are you going to bring my car back, or am I going to have to have you arrested again?” You see, people use the law for all the wrong reasons. I don’t see how that’s helping me at all!

To be fair, one of my state reps did add an amendment to a recent senate bill that would make it illegal for women to get genital piercings. But how does that help me? Being a man, I could still get drunk one night and wake up with a Prince Albert! And that just ain’t right.

Damn the enablers! Doesn’t anyone care about victims like me?

2

Thanks to Diogenes for giving me a ray of hope. It looks like someone with some sense is finally going to do something about parents who enable their kids by allowing them to wear low-riding pants. Sanity at last! A breath of fresh air.

3

wooooosssshhhh ! :smiley:

4

What’s really sad is if you get the right people to read this OP, there will be a few lawsuits filed tomorrow morning.

5

Not at the same time, I hope. :stuck_out_tongue:

6

And here I thought this was going to have something to do with Reverend Fred.

7

Dude, you’re Dominatrix is not cutting the mustard, you need to fire her and get a seriously sadistic bitch to slap the shit out of you. No safety word pussy!

You’ll be enabled to lick the dog shit off her boots, and perhaps clean the toilet with your tongue, but you’ll never complain about freedoms again.

Also you’re a bad, dirty boy.

8

I intend to spend my tax refund on barbecue-flavored pork rinds and Internet pornography.

Ok the use of porn I understand.

But what role do the pork rinds play in it?

:wink:

9

Homer Simpson voice

“mmmmmmm…pork rinds”

10

This reminds me of the “Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?” article in the Onion.