Damn you colon (TMI)

I do my best to take care of you. Finding out I had IBS inspired me to change my habits. I take my Metamucil every day, I try to watch what I eat, avoid putting off going to the bathroom. You have rewarded me for the last few months since my unpleasant visit to the doctor by not periodically making me feel like I was sexually assaulted by Dirk Diggler. I thought those problems were behind me.

What the hell was that about earlier tonight? I’ve barely started to eliminate when I realize this could be a bad one. Too late to abort, I follow through, feeling like my head is going to explode. I turn around and see an unholy lumpy turd that looks like it was at least 3.5" in DIAMETER. I thought one would have to be the goatse.cx man to pass something that big. Now I’m sitting at my desk waiting for the pain to kick in. I know it’s coming, but I always have that two hours or so of peace before my 3 or 4 days of suffering.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe have you removed and get a colostomy bag. Sometimes that seems like a better option.

I’m just sittin here, reading, eating a sand…oy, I gotta run to the potty, I’ll BRB…err, maybe not right back…


LoL, I’m sorry Badtz, As an occasional sufferer of nerve-induced IBS< I feel your pain, I really do.

Take care of yaself, de-stress, and have good shitter luck!


Ouch. It took longer than it used to for the pain to kick in, I almost thought I was going to get away with it. Doubt I’ll get much sleep today.

Sorry Badtz, I feel yer pain. Apparently I have a problem digesting my beloved calcium source- Cheese. After eating a larger quantity of cheese (one or two squares doesn’t hurt, but pasta with a lot of cheese does) my bowels feel like they are going to exploded inward. It is so painful I almost feel like crying and throwing up at the same time.

So you know what I do?

I look that toilet bowl straight in the … um… straight on and yell at the top of my lungs, “Fuck you! You didn’t get me today! I’ll return tomorrow and have an even bigger helping of cheese you beast you!”

of course by then my wife is seriously concerned not only about my health (the odor wafting out of the bathroom at these times can only be described as intensely disturbing) but my sanity as well.

I shall live to shit another day!

damnit took 34 triesd to get psaswrd right… fuck
anyhoo, just wanted to offer my suport in the form on a homemade pottle of pepper vodka…

If you’re still clogged after that, you’re dead.

one sniff gave me the runs for 2 weeks

Actually, I recovered a lot faster than usual, I’m all better now.

Oops. My bad. I thought this was the “Damn you, Colin Powell” thread.

At first, I thought this thread was about punctuation, but I can see I was wrong. Unless punctuation has turned brown and lumpy.

I, too, have IBS, and it does suck. My boss has gotten used to the sight of me running to the can with a newspaper under my arm, and, quite frankly, I am getting sick of catching up on my stocks in the john.

What I do is take a cocktail of Imodium (2 caplets) and an antispasmodic after the first attack. This has helped immensely. The downside is that after taking this cocktail is that I sound like rolling thunder for days afterwards. I’ve also taken to eating fresh fruit for breakfast, which has eliminated (no pun intended) the need for Metamucil.

I asked my doctor about more definitive therapy for this disturbing problem, and he said there isn’t any. There was a drug on the market (Lotronex) that was pulled after women taking the drug died of ischemic bowel. Not fun. So, I take my meds and lump it.

Robin, who sincerely apologizes for any bad toilet-related puns she may have committed.

Have some surgery done, just to be able to tell people you have a semicolon :smiley: