I think first cousins would be REALLY awkward… your parents are siblings!!! That said, my uncle married his first cousin in the mid-seventies and they have a large family. They have always lived very far away from my immediate family so I barely know them.
I always thought second-cousings were my first-cousin’s children. Still weird, but maybe less so. If it is even more removed than that, I guess it gets less weird.
Before my husband and I were married I was researching some of my geneaology. About four generations back I discovered that a large branch of my tree was from the same very tiny town where my husband was born and raised. I stopped researching then. I know it is so far removed it is meaningless, but I just didn’t think I wanted to know.
So… what’s the term for a cousin like ‘relative’ who is only related by marriage? Say, my uncle’s (by marriage) brother’s kids, whom I call cousins. You could marry them, if un-irked, with a clear conscience, having no (known) genetically common relative.
What’s the deal with everyone coming in and voicing their disapproval of the OP’s question instead of answering it? It seems to be a common occurrence on the SMDB, and it doesn’t quite make sense to me. Who cares if there is a genetic problem between second cousins? That wasn’t the question asked.
The OP grew up with this cousin, and knows that this cousin is a bad person, and wants advice on how to approach the situation with the brother who is likely being taken advantage of. This is made more difficult by the fact that the OP finds the relationship morally wrong in the first place. And last time I checked, morals had little to do with genetics.
There isn’t a question in the OP, and I think people are assuming that this is a survey about whether or not it’s wrong to date a second cousin. The stuff about her being a bad person seems irrelevant to that question: the particular situation is a springboard to a more general survey.
My aunt and uncle are second cousins. They have two normal kids, both of which get a kick out of it.
We were at a family reunion once and we each had a little sticker on our name tags to indicate how we were related. My cousins both had two stickers (because they were related through both their mother and their father).
There was a little introduction by someone important, don’t remember who, who said, “does anybody know why [cousin A] and [cousin B] have two stickers on their nametags?”
[cousin B] yells, “INCEST”
Everybody laughed…good times. So my answer is no, I have no problem with it. In fact as a kid, there was a third cousin I always had a bit of a crush on.
Doesn’t seem so awful to me, as a general idea. I couldn’t bear to do it myself, not long-term anyway. I only know one person that far away on my family tree, and she’s not on the same continent so it’s not something that would come up in my case, but I wouldn’t be so horrified if I knew someone who did it.
On the other hand, I would really not kick the only second cousin I know out of bed for eating crackers. Last I saw her (some eight years ago, granted), she was a real looker.
My feelings, too. Don’t get me wrong, you’d probably still be uncomfortable at first (as would most people, I think, no matter how rational), but you’d probably warm up faster if she was a great woman and they were in a loving, stable relationship.
Our Big Asian Boss (based in Hong Kong) likes to make a bit of a display of his English prowess to his underlings during the occassional meeting. Once, he made some statement about how a certain corporate relationship we were discussing was “incestuous”. Then stopped and asked in semi-rhetorical tones if everyone knew what “incest” was.
Most colleagues gathered around the table heard me mutter to myself, “all too well”.
Her brother is a grown man, he’s not doing anything illegal, and if he wants to spend all of his money on his worthless second cousin/lover, then that’s his prerogative. The OP ain’t doing the magical freak dance with either of them, so it’s none of her business. I mean, I sure wouldn’t want my sibling passing judgment on any of my relationships or butting in where he ain’t wanted. I imagine most people don’t.
4 yrs later I wonder how everything turned out? Well in that situation, it bothers me more that she is manipulative. 2nd cousin I don’t think is wrong to be with. I actually just met my second cousin and I really like her. Such an angel. Well it will stay in my head for now…and this post…
The title of this thread is “Dating a second cousin” and the OP reports the OPs manipulative behaviour not as being the main issue, but as ‘complicating things’. It seems pretty clear that the OP has a bigger issue with the genetic relationship than with the cousin’s personality.
It’s a fair point, but the incidence of cousin marriage is so low, it doesn’t have any broader social impact. Were we living in Shelbyville, maybe it’d be the appropriate subject of public inquiry, but we’re not, so it’s not.