Dating Bisexuals

In this thread, quite a number of people listed dating a straight male or female as a criterion for acceptance.

I recently broke up with a guy who told me that he was weirded out that I had a gay pride watch. (I’m bi, my dad and his partner are gay, and I’m involved in lots of queer politics/activities).

So, is this a big deal breaker or what? The guy I was dating said that he was worried I would leave him for a woman. When I told him that was as likely as him leaving me for another woman, he proceeded to tell me that it was not the same, because he had some friends who were bisexual, and they were promiscuous like that.


What is the deal??

sounds like you are better off without a paronoid, insecure childish man. i’m bi and have been married for seven years. my wife and i never discuss it and for the record she seems to be repulsed by my attraction to men. it really isnt a problem though. many of the gay men i know are a bit promiscuous, but so are the straight ones. who knows what his problem was. truthfully i wouldnt have a prob with what you do, but thats just me. some people are just truly homphobic, like it or not. sorry i couldnt really help you.

It’s his problem, not yours. Some people are just irrational about sexuality. Lots of people, probably. I’ve got no issues with dating bi women.

I don’t think I’d have any issues, but I’d certainly try to make it clear that monogamy extended for both genders. It isn’t because I don’t think they’d understand or guess, it’s because I seem to be rather rare in insisting on something like that.

The little girl who grew up across the street ended up marrying a man whom she thought was heterosexual. He commited adultery with a man, contracted HIV and gave it to her. She died. If there’s anything worse than adultery, I’d say that would be it.

Well, I’m bisexual too & expect my partners to be able to deal with it. (They all have.) But I can kind of see where the guy was coming from. I would guess that what he felt was that he couldn’t give you everything that you wanted and that therefore you might be tempted to have an affair with a woman. It’s irrational insecurity but I think its also understandable. I’ve dated bisexual men before and had this vague niggling insecurity. I wouldn’t break up with someone because of it, but it’s difficult to rid yourself of entirely.

I’m a bi woman, and men I’ve dated have had questions about that. It hasn’t been an issue of promiscuity/cheating but rather of whether I’d be satisfied with a man long-term. I think it’s a fair question, actually.

That is unfortunate.

However, he could have just as easily commited adultery with a woman and contracted HIV.

Well, I wouldn’t knowingly date a bi guy. I have nothing against people who are bi, and if it works for someone else, more power to her. I just think hetero relationships are quite complicated enough without throwing in one more incompatibility factor that you know about (hopefully) upfront. Basically, if I dated a bi guy, I’d know going in that there were things that were important to him that I could never do/be, even if I wanted to.

I think that knowing my mate is bi-sexual would add a level of potential insecurity I would not want.

The promiscuity issue is irrelevant and, IMHO, a biased view - anyone can be promiscuous.

Sexual compatibility may be more difficult to achieve if one partner is bi-sexual. Activities usually enjoyed between same-sex partners which are not realizable in a hetero relationship may cause a higher level of dissatisfaction in the relationship than simple preference for particular sexual activities do. There is a distinct difference between “can’t” and “don’t want to.”

As a straight guy, I’d love to date a bi woman. I could imagine she’d hook me up in a three-way with one of her girl friends! :smiley:

A bisexual isn’t necessarily someone who will be unsatisfied if they don’t get to sleep with both sexes on occasion. They just have twice as many chances to get lucky when they’re in the dating scene. :wink:

I don’t think it’s a matter of marrying a man and then fantasizing about women because you ‘miss’ the things you can do with a woman in bed. If your bi mate really loves you, the person and not just the body, it won’t be an issue… and fantasizing about other kinds of bodies or wishing for ‘variety’ is a problem for straight couples too.

don’t think it’s an issue.
if i’m with someone, i’m WITH them.
they are WITH me.
cheating is a deal breaker, and i don’t care who the cheating is with.

In a casual relationship, I wouldn’t care in the least.

In a serious, long-term relationship . . . I don’t know. It’s so hard to find that one special somebody . . . it seems imprudent to start ruling people out if you’re looking for true love. Besides, a bisexual person in this often homophobic world would hopefully be more open-minded about other stuff and would be able to overlook some of my weirdness. There’s always going to be some kind of issue to work out in a relationship. Straight people and bisexuals potentially could run into some serious problems. But then again, so do people in interfaith relationships, interracial relationships, and interother relationships, yet people enter into them all the time and find happiness.

If I loved a bisexual, I’d give it a shot.

As would I if I were in it just for the cheap, dirty, nasty, mostly meaningless sex . . .

I don’t care one way or another. Unlike many guys, lesbian sex isn’t a turn-on for me, but nor is it a turn off.

MMMMMM boys. MMMMMM girls. shrug What can ya do?.. and I’ve never encountered a boyfriend with a problem with it.

Nobody possesses every single quality his/her partner could conceivably desire. And if you’re smart, you don’t enter into a committed relationship with the idea that neither of you will ever be attracted to anyone else. You enter into a relationship with someone because you love each other.

With that in mind, I don’t understand your line of reasoning for never dating a bisexual. The bisexuals I know say they look at the person, not a specific gender, when dating and falling in love. You’re a person, so you fit the bill. Would you feel the same way about a man who had a thing for redheads, and you’re a brunette? Sure, you could dye your hair, but you still wouldn’t be a real redhead, so that aspect of his desire would go unfulfilled. Would you be insecure that he’d leave you for a redhead? Or would you feel guilty that you couldn’t satisfy his love of natural red hair?


My girlfriend is bi and we have done exactly this. As for me worring about her leaving me for another woman? I just don’t see that happening, because well lets face it girls might have fun with other girls but sometimes a woman (or at least mine does) has a deep down craving that only a man can satisfy.

Gee, I hope that doesn’t sound over confident.:wink:

A watch? He couldn’t deal with a watch? What a loser! Or, was that his first clue that you were bi?

Not for me. The active involvement with politics, on the other hand… :stuck_out_tongue:

There’s a play by Durang called “Beyond Therapy” where Prudence, a straight women, answers an ad in the newspaper for Bruce, a bisexual man in a relationship with a gay man.

Neither Prudence or Bob (the gay man) realize that Bruce is bisexual until Bruce brings Prudence to his apartment and she meets Bob.

The play is funny, and I just thought of it when I read the topic.