Daughter's coach owes me money

In My Humble Opinion
1

I rarely ever borrow money and when I have in the past, I’ve paid it back immediately (as soon as I’ve found my lost wallet or gone home to get lunch money, which is usually why I’ve borrowed it to begin with). I would never, ever betray or abuse a friendship or other kind of relationship by taking advantage of somebody in this way. Maybe I’ve never been in that kind of desperate situation and can’t put myself in another person’s shoes who would do this, I don’t know.

Anyway, this is what happened and I would love any advice on how I should proceed. My daughter was on an AYSO soccer team, coached by kind of a smarmy guy. He does love soccer and all my daughter’s friends were on the team, so we didn’t balk too much. He’s kind of a big baby and a smooth talker, ass kisser, etc., but seemed pretty harmless. The end of season party was coming up, and traditionally all the parents kick in $10-20 for pizza and trophies for a team party. The coach called me up “because I know how you care and want the best for the kids… blah blah” and said he wants to do something special for them this time. Instead of trophies, he wants to make little soccer pendant necklaces with their names carved on them. He’s a jewelry maker (supposedly) by trade. And he’s willing to pay out of pocket for this as an extra thing, but he needs some money up front for materials and until he can collect from the other parents.

Can he borrow $140 and pay me back in a week? Sure, I said, and he says he’ll be over a little later in the afternoon. Later he calls back and goes into one of those long stories (you just want to be over so you’ll agree to anything to get him off the phone) and asks for $60 more, make it an even $200, he’ll pay me back with interest, etc. Fine. I wrote him a check.

The next week he calls me back, thanks me profusely for helping him out and asks for another $100. I told him, "Tom, we just bought a house. The down payment wiped out our savings account and every penny we have is going into house/yard expenses now. Wish I could help you, but I just can’t right now.

The next week I don’t hear from him, of course, so I call him and he starts gushing about how well m daughter did in soccer and what are our plans for the summer and he’s SO SORRY, but he doesn’t have the money yet, but next week he’s going to a jewelry show and will have the funds the next week and for sure will pay me back then. This has gone on for a couple of months now. So I called some of the other parents and find out, first of all, that they have all given him $25 for the party and necklaces. Then one parent says to me, “You should talk to Richard. And Melia’s dad too, because this guy has borrowed money from them, too.”

I called Richard (the dad of another former team member) and find out this coach borrowed $2500 from him over a year ago and has been giving him the run-around ever since. Richard is spitting mad. He wants to take the guy to small claims court. I suggested we go to AYSO since he’s bilking people through that program, but Richard said he doesn’t care if they kick him out as a coach (it’s a volunteer thing, anyway), he just wants his money back.

He doesn’t owe me enough for me to take him to court. I’m going to find the numbers for the other parents of kids on the team and see if I can find others he’s borrowed from. I want my money back AND I don’t want this guy coaching anymore. If my best friend asked me for emergency assistance right now, even if I could, I wouldn’t do it and it’s because of him. And if I was in a pinch, others who have been burned by guys like this coach wouldn’t help me, either. Pisses me off.

Any ideas?

2

I’m note sure it you can do it, but get several people together, and go to small claims court as a group. That should get his atention. Also, I’d definitely go to AYSO. This guy’s using AYSO events and soccer in general to rip people off. It reflects badly on them, and it could theoretically open them up to criminal liability (probably not, but Any Given Sunday…).

3

Ah, the short (and stupid) con. These sort work their wiles all the time and prey on the general good nature and trust of decent folk like yourself. The crappy thing is that you can’t even berate yourself for being greedy or ignornant; you loaned him the cash in good faith on the assumption that he’d make good on the promise of awards.

Get the other parents together and contact AYSO; no doubt they don’t want to have this guy associated with their organization. As for recovering the funds, unless you’re willing to go to small claims court, I’d write it off and forget about it. I make the practice of never loaning out more money (or anything else) than I’d be prepared to write off, making potential exceptions only for very trusted and long-standing acquaintances. Even if you do take him to court and win a judgement, the odds are that the money is long gone; if not into drugs or horses, then into high living and car payments, or somesuch. Consider it a relatively cheap life lesson and move on…and don’t suffer the illusion that everybody is as ethically flexible as this bloke.

Aside: an acquaintance of mine and his wife got involved (on the victim side) in a long con, a pyramid scheme in which they poured their savings. It was great gravy for a while–whenever they needed money to buy a big screen TV or a couple of new cars, they just called up and the checks appeared a couple of days later–but then the crunch hit. They went down to the Latin American country where this company was operating out of (er, clue perhaps?) and “helped out” the company by mailing out promotional letters and so forth, so that they could get their original investment back out before it folded.

Six months later, a couple of gentlemen in black suits come a’knocking on the door, wanting to ask some questions. They made the mistake of not cooperating initially, and ended up on the wrong side of an arraignment, subsequently plea-bargining out and taking felony convictions and suspended sentances for money laundering and fraud. All of this, for investing in simple venture capital scheme. Fwew.

So, thank your stars you didn’t get sucked into some kind of scheme like that. Live and learn.

Stranger

4

I wouldn’t call this a typical “con” job. I think of cons as more likely taking advantage of others’ hopes to profit (like your friend in the pyramid scheme). This soccer coach did make the necklaces for the girls, but I doubt that’s what he spent my money on. I’m guessing the guy is seriously in debt. As for your comment “I make the practice of never loaning out more money (or anything else) than I’d be prepared to write off, making potential exceptions only for very trusted and long-standing acquaintances”, wouldn’t the parents of your children’s friends whom you’ve known for years, who now coaches her team fit into that category? I would have thought so.

This guy and his family live in a part of town where the houses have tripled in value in the last few years. If he owns it, I think he oughta re-mortgage it. I’m especially pissed because WE just bought a house that probably cost twice what it would have cost a few years ago…

5

Well, that’s more of what’s called the “long con”, where you use the mark’s cupidity to string him along far enough to put out serious money, whereas the “short con” (anything from three-card monty and bar tricks to begging money “for my kids to have a room for the night, and hey I’m a veteran”) relies on the sympathy/generousness of the mark and the abruptness of the request to get the money. Your man in this case isn’t a professional, but he’s using the same technique with the assumption that he can just keep stringing on indefinitely.

Yeah, he’s probably up to his ears, and he begged on your and your good nature. My point was just that you shouldn’t feel dumb, or as if you should have been more aware; he took advantage of a relationship of trust (after all, you’re trusting him with the safety of your daughter, so what’s a couple hundred bucks?) and now is just giving you the blow-off. It sucks, but that’s just the way some people are.

As for who’d I’d trust to loan out serious money: I’ve been burned, a few times, by people who I should have been able to absolutely trust about matters financial and otherwise. There are two (or three, depending on how you count) people to whom I’d extend a loan of more than $100. The thing is, they’re people who wouldn’t ask it it wasn’t an absolutely desperate situation and probably not even then, and in such cases I’d be willing to write off the funds as a debt to friendship, even though the persons in question are the sort that would rather hock a vital organ than maintain a standing unpaided personal debt. I’ve come to trust such people though years of reciprical support and consideration–the sort of people I’ll “round robin” an expensive meal or showtickets with because I know they’ll be circumspect about making sure they grab the check first next time.

Polonius’ famous advice with regard to borrowing and lending is well-served, I think, with regard to money between friends and family, but then, having a derth of either, along with a healthy plate of well-earned scepticism about human nature, I’m inclined toward fiscal isolationism in any case, so my particular suggestions may not apply so well to your situation.

Stranger

6

Where did I say I feel stupid? I don’t, and I expect to be compensated. If not, he can expect to be publicly humiliated. Just blowing it off as a “lesson learned” just lets guys like this keep getting away with this crap. I am going to try to bring together the people to whom he owes money and we’ll confront him first, then go to small claims court. Believe me, this will embarrass the hell out of this guy. I don’t think his wife even knows about it. And, regardless of the outcome, I am going to report him to AYSO as having used his association with this organization to bilk people.

7

I’d be calling up Tony Soprano right about now.

This guy should have his toenails pulled out, slowly, one by one. I don’t know what to say, except I hope you find some way to get it all back.

BTW, congrats on the new house.

8

I was going to say bust his kneecaps :slight_smile: but apparently someone! beat me to it.

Kidding of course.

9

Bilking soccor parents out of petty cash?

My guess is that this guy has a problem…gambling, drinking, drugs? He is desperate and by lowering himself to rip off his kid’s friend’s parents?!

Personally, I would get written statements from all those he has bilked, and take it to the police. Who knows if the guy is up to his eyeballs in debt and will do something drastic if cornered. Letting the police know what is going on might prevent an ugly scene at home when the jig is up.

Call me paranoid, but I have seen enough newscasts of crazed people lashing out when their world comes crashing down.