While this is an old topic, I would like to comment on my own perspective being a survivor of abuse myself. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the post through my own triggers, but just in case:
The reason why people write about this stuff is because they want to help others in the same situation. If they keep quiet about abuse, then nothing will get done. you say “Why would people want to read this stuff”, but how will people know how to stop child abuse if everyone keeps quiet? Years ago, nobody wanted to talk about child sexual abuse. Thanks to sexual abuse survivors speaking up and fighting for their voice, more and more people are taking steps to protect our children. Child sexual abuse is now considered a serious problem in America, whereas as it was silly to even think of back in the 50’s and 60’s. Maybe I’m giving Dave Pelzer credibility, because I can picture myself in his shoes. I KNOW that these horrors can happen. If you haven’t lived through it, of course it can be shocking to believe and accept.
Regarldess if HE is lying, his story is inspiring to many other child abuse survivors that feel helpless and low. People who are open about their abuse aren’t always asking for sympathy. My purpose of talking about my own abuse is to educate and to save someone else who feels alone.
Regarding revictimization, abusers are sharks that smell blood. Abusers will prey on traits that a normal and compassionate person wouldn’t prey on.
I was sexually abused by my step-father, which broke down my sense of boundaries, self-esteem, and the right to say no. Obviously, all of these qualities attract other predators like my step-father. An understanding person that knew of my story wouldn’t blame an innocent child that happened to be exploited by a sick man, but a sadistic person would say that I’m the perfect target. My mom enabled my step-dad and didn’t do anything to help me recover, so that again opened another can of worms that affected my self-esteem and an inability to fight back. If the sexual abuse isn’t addressed appropriately, the victim unintentionally opens their wounds to be dug deeper. Mind you, it’s not the victim’s fault if they get sexually abused again.
Vison-You say that you have a different view of your friend’s mother. There’s a chance that his mother presented herself very differently around you. Abusers are careful to not show their true colors to others, except for their victim of choice. Even if his mother was a good person, maybe something did happen to him where he felt unloved to the point where he couldn’t recognize if someone is being nice to him. A lot of abuse survivors filter out the positive and only see the negative. This reflects on their own experiences and their resulting sense of self-worth. As for your friend who never implied that “he made me do it” could have some stockholm syndrome or denial issues. Some child sexual abuse victims survive by telling themselves that they are an equal participant or that it wasn’t all that bad. It’s easier to deny than admit the reality of someone overpowering you.
With all of that being said, it is POSSIBLE to recover and change. It’s a lot of hard work though. When I want to stand up for myself, I can still feel my body tightening, freezing and telling me to “just take it or you will die!” (flight or fight syndrome).
I don’t plan on coming back to this board, because there’s a chance someone can be cruel and re-victimizing. I only came to share my thoughts and educate others about abuse. The general reaction from the public and being accused of lying is sadly a reason why so many people keep quiet about their abuse. It’s funny how people blame us for not telling anyone as kids, but when we DO tell-We’re met with skepticism.
