Daytime TV ads

I’ve been unemployed since November, and am home all day. I spend most of my time reading, or on the Net, or doing something constructive, but I do watch some TV, mostly to have something to watch/listen to in the background while I’m working on textile crafts. I do confess to an addiction to Investigation Discovery channel. :slight_smile:

Judging from the ads, if you’re watching daytime TV, you’re probably injured or disabled. If so, there’s someone you should sue. Every other ad is for some lawyer: offering to sue insurance companies for not paying enough for your auto accident; offering to sue your doctor if you didn’t get well soon enough; or to sue somebody - anybody - if you were injured in an accident, or exposed to asbestos, or had a hip replaced with the wrong brand of joint, or were prescribed a certain medicine. Just call for your free information kit! And if you don’t have documentation of your injury, you can call and be referred to a clinic, who will attest to how at-fault somebody else is.

If you’re not disabled and suing somebody, then you’re a loser who can’t get a job because you aren’t educated. But rather than getting a GED and going to a community college or something, you should go to any one of a dozen unaccredited “career institutes” with untransferable credits.

Maybe you’ve “forgotten” to pay your taxes for the last 10+ years, and the IRS is breathing down your neck. We’ll settle it for a fraction of the amount!

Of course, you should use anything you’ve saved to get life insurance. What would happen to your family if you died?! They’d lose their house! Their dreams of college! Your wife couldn’t afford to bury you!

If you’re a senior on a fixed income, you need to get a reverse-mortgage (Robert Wagner says so!). You also need a motorized stair-climber, and an electric scooter-chair and diabetic-supplies delivered to your door. If you qualify, you don’t pay a penny.

I understand that daytime TV ads used to be targeted to stay-at-home moms (hence the term “soap opera”). Now they’re aimed at disabled people, undereducated unemployed people and senior citizens - and the most desperate and/or gullible ones of each group, at that! :frowning:

Fool’s Law: A business is legitimate in inverse proportion to how often it advertises on TV.

Let me add another one:

Even if it’s lunch time and you’d rather not be vomiting you need to see this graphic demonstration of the fluid absorbency of menstrual hygiene products, because if you’re home you’re clearly a dripping bloody mess.

Ancient Chinese secret …That one I hated.

The good news: if you can manage to make it past sunset, you’ll find that any number of sexy local singles are lounging around at home waiting to talk to YOU.

I think they’re outnumbered by ads for

adult diapers

Though it’s all blue, so easily confusable. (Honestly, I’d love it if all TV shows and movies had to use blue liquid in the place of blood. It would be hilarious.)

And if you can make it past midnight, you will get the Sexy Singles PLUS all of the injured/disabled/undereducated ads!

I used to work for a women’s clothing shop. Our owner usually tried to get “remnant” TV ads, in other words, she wouldn’t specify the times she wanted the ads to air, the station would just throw the ads in anywhere it had ad space that wasn’t otherwise occupied. Ad time was cheapest after midnight, at that time (the 80s) and place (Las Vegas, Nevada).

Yeah, there’s nothing like watching late night TV to make you feel like a loser.

Unless it’s watching COPS on Fox. The assumption there is that all the viewers are driving around uninsured, getting their meals at the QuickStop and hoping to pick up a few cheap credits at a trade school so they can get the type of fabulous computer job that no longer exists in this country. I also suspect that the audience for COPS is mostly made up of the type of people who get busted on the show.

My husband LOVES COPS. He also loves Fox TV, especially the news. He’s never been busted for anything, although as a kid he did love his weed. He’s been a law-abiding citizen since he enlisted in the Air Force, except that he did smoke some weed right after his brother died. That was one time in over 30 years. He has picked up some college credits over the years, mostly for getting ahead in his job. He comes from a blended family of 8 kids, and I think only half got their high school diploma. The other half did eventually get their GED, when they realized that they couldn’t get ANY job without one, not even a job like Dear Old (Step)Dad had, which was trimming trees for the city.

I am thinking of submitting his picture to Wikipedia as an example of a suburban redneck. I’ll be sure to send in the photo of him holding his NRA Life Membership plaque.

However, he actually has a fairly technical management job. That is to say, he manages the technicians, and when they are stumped, they call him in, plus he does upgrading and teaching now and then. He started as a technician, and gradually improved his skills and knowledge. He gripes bitterly about the daily meetings.

He fantasizes about being a small farmer, but realizes that at his age, he just wouldn’t be able to cope with the hard work.

So, in one way, yeah, you could probably get a pretty good idea of my husband’s ideas and opinions on anything with your suspicion, you just aren’t really good at predicting his job, degree of lawfulness, and education level.

They are. If it is on Tv it is true.

Apparently the target audience for folks who watch “Forensic Files” are in desperate need of penis enlargements.

My favorite line of the ad for ExtenSE pills goes something like this, “If you buy now, we’ll throw in an extra bottle of these amazing pills! If it didn’t work, could we afford to do that?”

Ummm, if it really worked, you wouldn’t NEED to throw in an extra bottle. The repeat sales would pour in! (And why doesn’t the FDA or FTC shut these people down?)

On a side note, if you’re in the market for a b-celebrity endorsed exercise machine or overpriced facial products, turn on the tv early Saturday morning.

After reading the thread title, that’s the one I was going to mention. Especially annoying is that one with the guy from The Man From UNCLE.

The one that really got me during my days of unemployment was an ad for an animation school. It started with a cartoon monkey saying “Hey knucklehead!” Yeah, a strident asshole cartoon monkey hurling insults is probably a great way to separate me from my money. :rolleyes: and the adverts for “It’s My Money And I want it NOW” are the ones that I see most often - and annoy me the most. (Probably a correlation there, if I weren’t so annoyed with them I probably wouldn’t remember them as well.)

Is it Donny Deutch, scratch-voiced lawyerette?


Senior Detective: This poor woman was a feminine hygiene model.
Junior Detective: That’s amazing, how did you know that?
Senior Detective: Because she’s leaking blue fluid from the stab wounds.


But…that nice man in the suit thinks you might be entitled to a settlement! You should call the Hurtline right now!

Also, it’s clearly pronounced “diabeetus”. :slight_smile:

I believe that is Ronnie Deutch. Her voice is like nails on chalkboard to me.

Because it’s a supplement, not a drug (yes, this marketing difference does seem to matter under the law) and I don’t think they ever explicitly state what it’s implied to do: They say “that certain part of a man’s body”, as opposed to making a specific, disprovable claim.

Honestly, they’ve trimmed the fig leaves down as small as they can be and still provide legal protection. This practice of people acting in utter bad faith but staying precisely within the letter of the law will happen as long as laws are written down.

My favorite is when The Riddler comes on really excited want to tell you how to get government money.

They still running that? I haven’t seen that in years and years. Back then it was run in the wee hours (I used to suffer from insomnia.)