I’ll join up, but I want to be head of the secret service.
It’s the only way to be sure I know enough dirty secrets for DC to think twice before dumping me.
I’ll be the disgraced Keaton 7 banker who now manages the campaign slush fund.
Count me in!!!
I would either like to run HUD or be nominated to the Supreme Court. Whichever is more convenient.
You can also count me as one of the many subscribers.
A friend’s internet company has given me the title, “Vice President in Charge of Important Things”. Since furniture, name plates, stationery, business cards, etc can get to be rather expensive I’ll volunteer for a new cabinet post entitled “Secretary in Charge of Important Things.”
That way we can just get some pre-printed Post-Its that say “Secretary” and put them right over the old “Veep” line.
The campaign gets someone in charge of important things and at a bargain, too…
I want ATF. Great idea, grouping those 3 together…
Do any cookies remain inside this jar? What kind of cookies? They’d better not be oatmeal raisin, or no deal. I’ve gotten some persuasive offers from the managers of “Rusty Blue Pipecleaner With Some Type Of Weird Gunk On It Campaign 2000”. I am not at liberty to disclose these offers, but suffice it to say they involve a polished pine chair, a bag of wet flour, an old Vega, and a box full of clothespins.
ooooo…Can I be a “problem solver”? I’ll Bring my own concrete and 55 gal. drums, wear horn-rimmed glasses, fade into the background and deny any knowledge of the group.
I should point out that my department will have several important subordinate positions available, for those with the skills and/or campaign donations to warrent them. For instance:
[ul]
[li]A Deputy Secretary. This will require somebody who can put up with me calling them “Festus” all day. Also may be sent into combat zones on fact-finding missions.[/li]
[li]Assistant Secretaries. These will be in charge of many day-to-day operations, and should be tempermentally suited to be convenient scapegoats. (But one or more may be moved up to Deputy Secretary during the course of the Administration, depending on the mortality rate during fact-finding missions.)[/li]
[li]Under Secretaries. We won’t go into what will be expected of these, save to note that being Under the Secretary is a great honor not available to just anysupporter. (And let’s put the rumor that it’s all politics to rest right here. Bill Gates could contribute the whole of what’s left of his fortune to the campaign, and he still couldn’t be an Under Secretary of Defense. I would appoint Faith Hill an Under Secreatry of Defense, on the other hand, even if she suffered temporary insanity and supported someone other than Dead Chipmunk for president. We are fair and multi-partisan in our selections for important jobs.)[/li][/ul]
I’m sure the holders of other major positions have similar openings, so come on folks! Sign up today!
Sorry, Freak, I thought you knew I was on that Independence Day weekend political junket/fact finding mission to Tahiti sponsored by NYWA (Nymphomaniac Young Women of America). I have become quite enamored of their cause and quite knowledgeable about their unique affliction. Did you know, for example, that nymphomania is a disease for which there is no cure? Alas, 'tis true. At this time the best we can do is treat the symptoms.
Kat - please fill us in on your many talents, I’m sure we can find a position which will be mutually satisfying.
KimKatt - For which country will you be spying? Sorry, but since the whole China thing, we’ve got to be careful.
Ayesha - Done. Let us know when you devise the new secret handshake.
ChiefScott - A slush fund manager with access to nuclear warheads. Hmmm, I like it!
Greyson - Don’t try to pull that “another offer on the table” routine with us. You know as well as I do that Rusty Blue Pipecleaner doesn’t stand a chance – not after all those devestating legal losses the tobbacco industry has sustained lately. (BTW, the cookies are white chocolate chunk macadamia nut.)
VaHermit - Do yu have trustworthy contacts in the construction industry? If so, the job is yours. First task - make sure Rusty Blue Pipecleaner is never seen again. Make it look like an accident (maybe he could end up in a child’s craft fair?).
MysterEcks - You go, man!
I would like to be an Ambassador to any or all tropical nations. If I can impliment a “bathing suit-only” dress code, it would be much appreciated. I would also like to choose my staff based mostly on asthetics. I would like to overcome the “ugly American” stereotype.
Applications for my staff can be submitted by e-mail. All applicants must include a picture (in work atire). All submissions will be replied to & a critique will be included.
I lie well ,have few morals, and enjoy beer. I’d like to be the Ambassador to Small Inconsequential Countries We Can Take Advantage Of Who Also Happen to Have Many Breweries, or ASICWCTAOWAHHMB. If this position is already taken, I’m open to other suggestions that can thoroughly utilize my talents. I am at your service.
How can I be an underground top secret spy if I tell you what country I am spying for? Sheesh.
little*bit - Sounds like a plan, but we will need a photo of you in business attire (for your dossiere, of course).
Aglarond - You got it. You may begin slapping around inconsequential dictators at will.
KimKatt - You are hereby assigned to Ayesha’s Secret Service. Go learn the handshake. BTW, FWIW, etc., it is highly recommended that you not piss off Ayesha. Ever. You have been warned!
SILENT-BOB - Hmm, never says anything, appears confused at the whole concept…Hey, Freak! I think we found us a Vice President!
Eureka! Why didn’t I think of that before? It’s perfect! He doesn’t say anything, so he can’t really be offensive. And since he only uses smilies he’ll never have to spell potato!
Whaddaya say Bob, do you think you can handle the lack of pressure?
I can put up with morons for remarkably long periods of time without killing them. (This is because, while I do an amazingly convincing job of appearing to listen to them, I’m actually thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch.) Plus, even after all that, I still have a sense of humor. And I get along well with everybody.
Kat said:
Sounds like a natural-born liaison to Congress.
Ummmm… I’m not sure just what kind of “liason” you’re talking about… But Kim, you’re hired!
As chair of the Vice-Presidential Selection Committee, and future Secretary of Energy, I give my personal blessing to this selection. Hey, this’ll make the debates interesting, eh?
I really, really think we should have a Department of Weirdness, complete with Secretary. I humbly offer myself for the post on the basis of my extensive knowledge of and identification with the subject. I can handle Roswell questions endlessly. I can speak (seemingly) knowledgably on many topics religious, mystical, psychic, and just plain Out There. I can support the campaign by not visibly associating with it, and magickally summoning hordes of supporters from the lunatic fringe (which should surely be one of our strongholds). I could also serve as Ambassador Plenipotentiary to the Astral Plane; no stress, I could do both jobs at once.