My father died decades ago and I still miss talking to him.
I really like the idea of combining some fake bank notes with glitter. Make it the bigger sort—pink hearts or something—so it doesn’t look like a powder and frighten anyone. It’ll still need a bit of clean up but they’ll be ok. I work with glitter every day, it’s honestly not that bad to clean up. Hoovering does the trick just fine, as does a shower for yourself and the washing machine for your clothes.
I wouldn’t worry, as some posters have suggested, that you’re only fucking with the workers and not the larger organisation or the evil mastermind. If their job is being a mindless drone they might enjoy a bit of glitter and some fake money, should shake things up a bit. Gives them something to say to “how was your day?” Meanwhile, they are getting paid for engaging in your silly nonsense—great!
If you feel bad for them, give them some tips for different jobs they could also be doing. Like installing solar panels. Tell them opening mail for hateful bigots is not worth their beautiful soul. That way, you really know you’re just taking up company time, without being a dick to the mindless drone human opening the mail. And maybe one will leave and start installing solar panels, how epic would that be?!
This is what I’d do:
- Take two fake notes, stick together on three sides
- Put the glitter in the money sandwich (that way they’ll pull it all the way out)
- Add a letter saying that every time they send you mail, you will donate to [lefty cause they dislike] in their name. Every further money&glitter letter, remind them how much has gone to the cause (even if not true).
- Go all-out petty in the letter. Use an insult generator for inspiration. “You toad-spotted weasels!”
May you find a bit of catharsis through creative pettiness. And I’m very sorry for your loss.
It’s been a while, as in months, since I got any mail from the last tenant in my apartment, and I’ve lived here for 10 years. A couple years ago, s/he (this person has a unisex name, but I’m leaning towards this being a woman) got something that looked like an official court summons, so I called the courthouse, and specifically asked for that department, and said that This Person Does Not Live Here.
Just a few weeks ago, I was going around to the different buildings in the complex to put flyers for the library book sale in the laundry rooms, and one building had mail scattered on the floor around the mailbox, literally ankle deep, several feet in each direction. I picked it up and took it with me, and most of it was for someone who at least lived there at some time. Probably 95% of it was junk mail, but some of it wasn’t, and I recycled the junk mail and put the non-junk mail back into the mail stream. I have no idea if it reached any specific destinations. It had piled up over at least 6 months!
I wouldn’t want anyone to potentially get into THAT much trouble!
Someone on another board said that in the past, they had volunteered for their local chapter of NOW, back when it was higher profile, and said that the mailroom, besides getting a lot of checks, also got a lot of really unpleasant things in the postage-paid envelopes, broken glass or ceramic being a common item. Couldn’t something like that really jam up a sorting machine if it broke open, not to mention injuring a postal carrier?
This is so sweet and so well received, thank you.
Me and DOCTRESSColossus(what?) were just talking about things and I realized: we were so adversarial about politics, dad and me–and like many, he went ALL THE WAY OVER to the dark side–AND he was an EVANGELICAL and financial backer.
I flat out lost time I wasted waiting for him to “come to his senses” or just not waste his final days only reacting to the world OUT OF FEAR. That sucks.
I wish I could email you a hug.
If just 5 more minutes. I have so many questions for dad…
ON IT.
I think letting them know who you are is a very bad idea.
I agree, but you don’t have to say who you are, do you? I’m not saying show them the proof, just write “for every further letter sent to this address, a $100 donation will be made to AOC.” Even if you don’t have the money or intend to donate, it should piss 'em off. 
And I’d presume they know anyway, considering the detective work Dr.Colossus described. They found the new address of the original donor’s kid - surely they know who he is.
“Business reply envelopes” (that frequently come with such solicitations) cost the sender money when you return them, right?
I know the “brick” is a bad idea - but at least if you send SOMETHING back, it means the perpetrator is out a few pennies, right?
How about getting a facial tissue, crumbling it a little bit, maybe a drop or two of water - basically, make it look like it’s used. And mail that back in the envelope. Or would that get some Really Unwanted Attention? OK, then a pristine Kleenex that has never been used (or made to look so).
Send them back with an invoice for the time you waste handling their mail
Do a search on “credit card test numbers”. Generate a credit card test number (i.e. a credit card number that isn’t connected to an actual account but passes the first series of checks). The intended use is for test runs of payment systems, but it will do to make the vultures think they got a big fat donation until they find out they actually got bupkis.
May be combined with the “enter ‘corrected’ address of local RNC office or whatever” to redirect any requests to “correct” the credit card number.
Then they know the address, no?
Right, but… they already know the address?
You mean you don’t want the person connected to the prank?
In that case: split the two up. One reply envelope gets the glitter and fake money, another gets the warning that every further mailing going out to that address results in a donation to a lefty cause.
I don’t know if the return envelopes can be connected to the address. I also don’t know if it really matters. I agree you want them to know as little about the OP as possible, but considering the lengths they have gone through already…
It has begun.
I’m being pretty judicious about what’s going back and to whom–I’m not going to mess with local charities or any that are doing actual helpful things.
So mostly political and religion solicitors will face my ire.
Obviously not messing with anything not prepaid–to that end, I just trashed a ton of swag from Disabled Veterans including mailing labels with MY address but HIS name. They sent a notepad with his name on the top. I’ll keep that/use it. Their return slip required postage.
Anyway I procured and quarantined some very fine golden glitter. Gold seemed most appropriate. (I have nice antique carpets so I am pretty serious about not getting glitter in the house. So I have the product off-site where it can’t make its way back in).
First round sent.
Just a few items of note: I filled out all accompanying paperwork to reflect the reality, dead, has no opinion, and will only cost you money, none will ever be given again.
It’s actually useful info, if they heed it. I also asked for more prepaid so I can send more trash!
FYI
If mailing glitter, please be super careful to seal the entire envelope–there are gaps that require extra attention in the corners if you don’t want to be a dick to any bystanders or anyone simply handling the mail.
I used double stick table to seal the corners so ONLY the opener will get glittered.
-********-
In many ways, I’m a very small man…
Says Dr.Colossus.
You really think that? –snicker–
You could wear a full Level A hazmat suit, along with a full decon team & still bring glitter home with you.
Demonic particles!
I’m very curious to know if it will incentivise them to give up. They were mailing often, right? So in a month we’ll know if any of the offenders gave up due to excessive glitter? (Allowing for bureaucratic adminny name removal from system etc and thus missing the first few mailings)
There will be, without a doubt, some collaterall damage.
I suspect by middle spring things will have slowed down. We’ll see…
FYI I’m marking “DECEASED” and “IS DEAD” next to every instance of dad’s name, and “stop asking dead men for money” under every applicable line item.
So it’s like “HEY STOP LEGIT HE IS DEAD but I’ll glitter you up if you insist…”
Has anyone suggested “sharing the wealth”? Putting the info from one organization into the return envelope of another.
The people in the mailroom probably saw that glitter, and said to each other, “Oh, great, another one! Good thing I work here; this way, I never have to BUY glitter for my kids’ art projects!”
It’s not very effective. I signed my parents up 18 months ago and Dad still gets at least 10 pieces of mail a month.