Dealing with irrational and stupid fears

In My Humble Opinion
1

All my life I have been plagued with irrational fears of the paranormal. The best I can place this to is that I was a curious child who often got into things that were way over my depth. My parents stressed reading and were very proud when I moved into adult books at a young age. Unfortunately for me, I was around the age when scary stories were really enthralling and terrifying, and I discovered this dusty Time-Life series of books on the paranormal, and scared the holy bejeesus out of myself in a serious way. But, yet, I was still fascinated with it. I read all about it (without much of a skeptical mind at the time).

While there was a time where I was scared of aliens, mostly I can always remember being scared of ghosts. I don’t mean scared like the boogeyman, I mean absolutely abject terror. Paralysing terror. I’ve never been able to kick it entirely and I just don’t understand why. I am honestly very embarrassed by this and most people don’t know about it. The worst part is that I’m an atheist and don’t even believe in ghosts! Yet, the concept still terrifies me in the most awful way. Not all the time, just sometimes (like now, having moved and being in an unfamiliar house).

I am a normal functioning adult during the day, but lately, and intermittently during my whole life, once it gets dark there is a certain part of me that is that same stupid kid who read all the Time-Life books and saw all the pictures of ghosts and is terrified.

When I was a kid, and a teen, I developed some weird obsessive behaviors. For example, I could not enter a dark room. I would reach around a corner to turn on the light before entering, or, worst case, I would enter with my eyes closed. In order to go to bed, there was a complicated series of lights being turned off and on. My neighbors at the house next door told us all of these stories about how the people who lived there before us used to be really weird and have black masses or something, which skeeved me out endlessly. My bedroom was in the basement and I was always really uncomfortable down there. I couldn’t open my eyes at night and buried myself under covers. I had to cover my head and shoulders because I didn’t want ghosts to touch me. This was back when I was not an atheist, and at least I felt that as a Christian that God would protect me.

In any case, I developed really bad sleeping problems. I would have horrible nightmares and developed “insomnia” - I could only sleep during the day. All night I would stay up and watch TV with all the lights on. This went away with time, and other than occasional nightmares I have not had these problems anymore. (I’ve always had weird sleep issues; I used to sleepwalk too.)

Anyway, I know, of course, that these fears are irrational and in fact quite stupid. I thought I got better after living alone, because I could walk around in the dark with my eyes open, and didn’t have nightmares so often. Still, let’s say every few weeks I would have nightmares, or just wake up and be very uneasy in the dark. Now I’ve recently moved and it has gotten quite bad again, with waking up in terror. I can usually calm myself down but it is interfering with my day to day life. I’ve brought this on myself to some degree by deciding I should go search for ghost pictures to “face my fear”.

One particularly notable part of this obsession is with ghost photography. Let me clarify: I think these pictures are bunk. I know these pictures are bunk. It’s not the “orbs” and “vortex” pictures, it’s the one where there is some visible spectre and I know it’s ridiculous but they terrify me. It’s so stupid that it drives me nuts. Movies can sometimes scare me a little but they’re never as bad as a briefly glimpsed picture plus my imagination.

One example: those Time-Life books I mentioned? They had one picture of a couple in a car, and a “ghost” lady in the backseat with horrible glowing eyes. I kid you not, that picture weirded me out badly for years. Years! I couldn’t look in the backseat of a car at night. I wouldn’t look into cars from the outside at night if I could avoid it. I finally saw it again on the internet and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I remembered, but it still gives me the creeps.

There’s also this other picture on the 'net that I’ve seen every so often and that is really creeping me out badly. It’s a daytime picture in the city, but there is this one lady in the background wearing black that has no legs and seems to “drift”. If I remember correctly (and it’s quite possible I don’t, because I cannot look at that fricking picture) the woman has this horrible look of grief or pain on her face. I cannot stop thinking of this picture when I try to sleep. I just don’t understand why because I know, rationally, it’s Photoshop or a weird camera angle or something but holy Jesus that picture weirds me out like no other. I’d link to it but I don’t want to see it.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I end up looking at these ghost pictures to make myself desensitized to them but it always ends up making it worse. I’m all cool and “whatever, these aren’t scary” but then I’m trying to sleep and I’m thinking of the lady with the weird glowing eyes. I cannot describe to you the abject terror that I have at night about seeing (or, slightly less so, hearing or being touched by) a ghost. Even though I don’t believe in them. Even though I believe it’s completely brainless to feel this terror. Even though I don’t ever think of them harming me, but just the actual act of experiencing one is the most awful thing I can possibly imagine.

Has anyone else had irrational fears? How do you “get better” if it’s something like this? I used to have a similar fear of dead bodies when I was a little child, but then you go to a few open casket funerals or see some pictures on the Internet and it becomes real, and not particularly scary anymore. I can’t really “experience” a ghost and get over it that way. So how do I? How do I stay the normal, rational, non-anxious person I am most of the time, and not be disturbed in my routines by something that I know is senseless?

I mean, I have to clarify that I am otherwise fairly normal and so have never sought out professional help because I think I’d feel a wee bit silly saying “I have bad dreams and am afraid of ghosts … sometimes” to a doctor. I don’t really want to take medicine or bear the expense because of these occasional issues of being in unfamiliar places. It is silly. I’ve always had an overactive imagination so I’m sure that’s why. But how to fix it?

2

Have you considered writing as an outlet for those fears? The lady in black with no legs – I’d like to know more about her.

Creative people are forever talking about how they write, paint, make movies, etc. to exorcize their demons. It gives you power over them.

3

What worked for me is this:

I read John Allen Paulos’ book Innumeracy, specifically the section on rationally assessing risks. The gist of it is as follows:

The proper way to assess risks is to look at the probability of whatever-it-is happening, and this can generally be calculated. In some cases, you can figure out how many people participated in whatever activity and divide by the number of people killed or maimed by it. The log base 10 of that number gives you a handy scale (for most activities, a 1 to 10 scale) of how dangerous the activity is. For reference, if you drive, you have about a 1 in 10[sup]4[/sup] chance of dying in a car crash, which puts driving at a 4 on this scale. Your chance of dying in an asteroid impact is of course harder to calculate, but I’ve seen estimates of 1 chance in 10[sup]6[/sup], or a 6 on that scale. Now, if you think about this, it’s quite silly to worry about something that is a 9 or 10 on that scale while doing something that’s a 4 or 5 without worrying about it.

After reading that, the thought came to me, “How many people have been killed or injured by ghosts in the past year”? It’s zero. It’s zero through all human history. You’re exposed to much worse risks than ghosts every day, so worry about them, not the ghosts…

Dunno if that would do it for anyone else, but it certainly did for me.

4

You sound very intelligent and creative, and you’re basically scaring yourself with scary, obsessive thoughts. Do you know why you want to scare yourself?

5

In addition to what Anne said, something that really resonated with me; there is no absolute certainty. You can’t solve the question of ghosts, no matter how much you think about it, no matter what angle you attack it from. Some things, you just have to let them go and be what they are.

6

I am not a doctor…

Have you talked to a psychiatrist? My father is a shrink and when I was in college he put me on Paxil for a while because the stress was really making my OCD behaviors flare up. I also am an atheist skeptic who has to sleep with her back to her husband because if I turn my back to the room the boogyman/aliens/ghosts etc will get me. It’s not rational, and I know that, but before the Paxil I had the same issues you did. I think from the same Time Life series! After taking the Paxil for a few months, I was able to get things to a point where I could deal with them without the drugs.

7

get help ++

I get that kind of fear occasionally. I was just like you as a kid, read about something and would be terrified of it. Tornados, aliens, ghosts, zombies, all of em scared me at one point or another. My cousins showed me Return of the Living Dead 2 once, and I was a terrified wreck for a month.

Even now the wrong scene can freak me out. I saw a show about aliens and one of the scenes showed a lady in a car and one of the big headed big eyed things suddenly appeared at her window. I kept seeing them at any window I looked at.

I found out that I could beat the fear by confronting it. I told myself that it wasn’t there, it couldn’t be there, there’s nothing there, etc. I would go look, and see that there wasn’t anything there. Basically I forced myself to investigate the fear and confirm it wasn’t anything to be afraid of. It took a lot of work, but it’s pretty easy now.

8

I’m not sure what to do about your fears (heck, I am petrified of optical illusions and have no idea what to do about that, which in my opinion is much more silly), but I just wanted you to know that when you first mentioned the Time-Life books, that is the EXACT photo that I pictured! It freaked me out something fierce for years! You are so not alone in that.

9

Clearly, the answer is simple. We must destroy the Time-Life books. For the children.

Anyhow, I’ve thought about seeing someone but it seems like an awfully stupid thing to go to see a psychiatrist about. I mean, everyone has their little things that they are afraid of, and it’s not like I’m rocking back and forth all day picking at my skin or anything.

No, honestly I have no idea why I would want to do this. In fact I feel quite the opposite. I force myself not to think of these things whenever possible. This has been the only tactic that has worked very well for me but every so often, I get nervous about something and then I think, “Hmm, let’s go look at ghost pictures on the Internet, I bet I’m okay now!” and, then, badness. I’ll look at a whole bunch and be fine, but then one will strike my interest and I’ll get all buggy.

I’ve always been interested in religion, the paranormal, the supernatural, the occult, etc. even after becoming a skeptic. I don’t believe in unicorns and faeries but wouldn’t it be nice to live in a fantastic world? I mean, I don’t want ghosts to exist but that sense of possibility, that lack of certainty, fills me both wonder and dread.

Maybe it’s a control thing. I hate the idea of ghosts because you can’t really plan, they’re not creatures of rational thought. If you’re afraid of being robbed, you can get locks on the door, but if you’re afraid of the monster in the closet, he defies being locked away. That’s it exactly, I think, is the most scary thing that I can imagine is being absolutely helpless in facing my worst fears. I dunno. There’s something strange and animal about it.

Urgle. I do like to write but I don’t like thinking about that picture. I don’t like thinking about ghosts at all. But it’s an interesting idea and possibly worth a try.

Anne Neville, your idea is a good one but the problem is that I know, absolutely, that I am being irrational. After all, this is not mortal fear. I’m not afraid of being harmed, I’m afraid of being scared, if that makes sense.

10

I got over my “fears of the irrational” by deciding that, if a ghost/other non-existant critter were to attack me, then my stuffed animals would come to life and defend me. Of course, when I no longer owned them, they gained the ability to defend me without even being present.

My reasoning was that both were equally unlikely, and thus, if I believe one could happen, it made perfect sense to believe that the other could also happen.

11

I think my cats do some good in making me less spooked by night noises. It used to be I’d hear some noise at night and think it might be a ghost or a burglar or something like that. Now I just figure it’s the cats.

Yes, it would.

See, I’m fairly different. I worry more about situations where I am in control, because then if something bad happens, it might be my fault. Something bad happening and it being my fault is orders of magnitude worse than just something bad happening, for me. So I find it comforting that there are risks I can’t control- it means I don’t have to worry about some that I might be able to, because they’re so much lower risks than the things I can’t control.

12

Reading that actually made me feel better because I do it too. It’s not as bad as it was when I was a kid but I hate going into dark rooms. When I’m coming home after dark, I’ll turn on every light all the way to whatever room I’m heading for, then double back to turn off the extra ones. I have always had a very vivid and somewhat morbid imagination and not being able to see what’s in a room gets my mind going. There were times when I was younger that I would lay awake because I had to use the restroom but couldn’t make myself get out of bed until it was light out. Like you, I realize that is totally irrational and I think that’s why I’ve gotten better over the years. But even knowing that doesn’t seem to take it away completely.

13

Do you live alone? If so (or even if you do live with family/roommate), have you considered getting a dog? You could adopt a clingy-loyal grown-up labrador to stay by your side and snooze with you at night. Dogs are very comforting and would certainly kill any ghosties that sneak into your room :smiley:

Have you tried using comforting rituals from your former religion or current beliefs? Several years ago I rented a house that felt really disturbed and convinced myself that I saw things. I did a mix of my old religious beliefs-new agey stuff (hung a crucifix, lit votive candles, burned sage in the corners, etc) and it made me feel much more at ease.

14

I’m really just guessing, but I know that I have anxiety issues, and when those issues flare up, I get anxious about the things I get anxious about. It’s always the same things.

In other words, maybe it’s not the ghosts freaking you out. Maybe you’re freaked out, and you’re supplying your imagination with a reason after the fact. Almost as if your brain is looking for a reason to be scared to explain why it is scared.

Is that making any sense?

15

That’s smart, JSG: I’m quite an anxious person and when something is bothering me I “redirect” it to the things I’m accustomed to worrying about: my dogs dying, money, cancer, etc.

16

Thank you so much for understanding what it was that I was trying to say. I read my own post and thought it sounded like gibberish.

I should hire you as my translator. :slight_smile:

17

That makes absolute sense. You and **Jennshark **have hit the nail right on the head, I think.

When I get stressed, the things I fear most leap to prominence in my mind even though weeks (and even months) can go by without me giving them more than a passing thought - if that. It’s worst when I’m trying to sleep - when there’s no distractions between me and my fears.

[Edited to add: and all the logic in the world doesn’t help. My particular phobia is that someone will try to break into my home, and the knowledge that we have a security system and live in a reasonably safe area doesn’t help against that, so I have great sympathy for the OP and anyone else trying to treat a fear that they *know *is unreasonably terrifying.]

18

I’ve only read the OP, and I’ve been in a very similar place (I think I even read the same books).

The best advice I got was from a woman who worked with my Dad, who was in the total opposite place from me - claimed she could see auras and stuff. I confided my ghosty fears to her and she said to tell the ghosts they had nothing to do with me. That I could see them or acknowledge that I felt them, but I was more powerful than them and I was in control.

Sometimes yielding to the irrational enough to deal with it is a good thing. Like negotiating with terrorists or something. I’m an agnostic, not a total atheist, so maybe it’s different for me, but that’s what has worked for me since then. Fears have massively dissipated and even in situations where I’ve felt it strongly again I just talk to whatever I think is there at the time, and I’ve never been bothered.

It’s only scary if something’s the “other”. Acknowledge whatever is making you feel afraid, even if it’s irrational, and engage it.

(And possibly seek treatment for anxiety disorder. I’m a very anxious person, and sometimes I think I seek a reason to be anxious when the anxiety in my body is high.)

ETA: I see someone else has broached anxiety problems.

19

Irrational fear, believe it or not, is actually a perfectly natural, good thing. It’s called fear of the unknown, and under most circumstances that’s a healthy fear to have. It kept our ancestors from barging into caves willy-nilly and coming nose-to-nose with a startled bear. Nowadays, it keeps us from venturing down a darkened alley after that damned cat – we know there are no undead waiting to devour us, but … still … In fact, if you’d actually come face-to-face with a ghost and it was unable to harm you in any way, you’d be able to move ghosts from the irrational to the rational, where they’d be much easier to ignore because they souldn’t be entirely unknown.

Sometimes, of course, the fear trigger gets stuck in the “tripped” position and we can’t turn it off. There is nothing to be ashamed of in seeking professional help jiggling the trigger back to the healthy position. I did. There were nights when, I swear to God, that drowned fisherman was dragging his wet, stinky body to the foot of my bed. Sometimes he stood just around the corner of the house from me on a summer night – I could smell him, standing there in the dark, the stink of lake water on him; sometimes he was in the back seat of the car or standing behind my chair. It took almost a year of therapy to finally put him in the ground, and I refused to ever cover another drowning. Ever.

Irrational fear adapts to stimulus and experience so it can stick around and keep us alive. You’ll never get rid of it, but as has been mentioned elsewhere in this thread, it can be “tamed” and made somewhat less irrational.

20

I had the same feelings as the OP for years, and they never really went away until I met my SO. They only surface now when I’m up alone late at night, esp. if I’ve been drinking.

I managed to control them before that by learning about and understanding my own mind. When I can observe my own subconcious causing the anxiety I can choose to ignore it.

First and foremost I think you gotta answer the question 'why do you do it to yourself?
Some good answers have already been suggeted.