All I know is, if anybody ever comes up with a shampoo that contains live puppies and smells like kitty farts I am so buying it! Brilliant!
This reminds me of something I got in the mail last week. A local car dealer was trying to entice me to come to some special sale they were having, and if I brought the postcard they mailed me, I was guaranteed to receive 2 of the following 5 items:
- A large screen plasma TV
- A $10,000 scratch-off lottery ticket
- A $1000 gift certificate to some sporting goods store
- A $25,000 scratch-off lottery ticket
- An all expense paid weekend getaway
Gee, I wonder what two things I’d get out of that list? :rolleyes:
Depends on whether or not the weekend getaway involved mandatory attendance of a timeshare sales presentation. 
There’s some beer that is or was advertised as “beechwood aged”. What does this even mean?
Breath fresheners also use bogus ploys to make their products sound like hot shit. “Clorets with Actozol”, “Certs with Retsin.” Just what the hell are Actozol and Retsin anyway?
Budweiser.
While it implies that the beer sits in a fine casks of beech wood to age, what it actually means is that beechwood is placed in the beer to extract the yeast after fermentation (a process called “fining”). The wood is only in the beer for 2 or 3 days, and it’s pre-treated beforehand to prevent it from affecting the taste of the beer.
But it sounds good.
Actozol: No idea. Google finds nothing. But there’s Actosol. With an S. It’s a humic acid fertilizer. So you can grow flowers under your tongue. How better to strike a mighty blow at halitosis?
Retsin: It’s a rock band. Certs contains a rock band. For breath that rocks.
A rock band.
It’s intended to invoke the aging process of fine whiskies, barrel-aged so that the wood imparts its flavour to the spirits.
This isn’t actually such a crazy idea – more and more craft breweries are maturing their brews in wooden barrels. (Usually barrels that have previously been used to age spirits, so you’re typically getting an Oak & Bourbon combo or summat.)
The bilge formerly promoted as “beechwood aged” is not matured in barrels, however - that crap is pumped out as fast as people can suck it down. Instead, they use beech chips in the mash. Yeah, it’s “aging” during the ferment. You didn’t think time stood still, did you?
Ok, there was a bit more to it. They go through different stamping machines before assembly into cookie form. I didn’t think I’d need to go into exact specifications of the process to get the point across. They are made on the same factory floor and through the same process up until the stamping of the still-warm waffers. Better?
Ah! Informative, for sure. But doing something to meet government regulations and then advertising it as a really nifty differentiator between your fantastic product, and the rest of the cheap shit gasoline on the market is another story.
Thank you. I sit corrected and ignorance-defeated. I have learned about some authentic differences, about detergents, and about the fact that some parts of the world have to offer summer and winter gasoline, which I’d genuinely never heard of before.
Notwithstanding the above, I’m based in London, England, where I think it has been shown that pretty much petrol is petrol is petrol, whichever ‘brand’ you buy (qualifiers inserted to show I’ve learned my lesson). And I also think my second, related point stands: I’ve have hardly ever met anyone who actually exercises any brand loyalty when it comes to filling up the tank. When it’s time to refuel, you just pull into the nearest station. Every once in a rare while, ‘price wars’ break out and very cost-conscious drivers will make a point of going to specific station X where they reckon they can shave a few pence off their fuel bill. But most of the time, it’s just pull over at the first supplier.
Ditto.
No, no, no, this is marketing genius. The point is not to sell more Tide per se, but every spot on the shelf that is filled with a "NEW! IMPROVED!! version of Tide is a spot not filled with the competitors brand. So, in other words, with 1 version of Tide they get 3’ of shelf space, with 9 versions they get almost an entire wall.
Say “HELLO!” to Head & Shoulders, Skippy!
Hi, my name is Rick and I am very brand loyal when it comes to fuel. I only buy top tier gas (Chevron or Union 76 here in the states) 
[slight hi-jack]
Sorry to burst your bubble Rick.
All but two of the retail gasoline outlets in Elko County, NV, are supplied by three marketers based in Elko and Carlin NV. One flies Conoco/Philips colors, one flies Chevron colors, and the third is owned by Flying J.
On I-80, exit 303, there are two Chevron outlets. One is currently selling mid-grade at $3.97.9 and the other is at $3.78.9. Just down the street is a Tesoro outlet selling mid-grade at $3.65.9. One and one half blocks down on the South side of the street is a Sinclair outlet ($3.34.9) Right next door is a Conoco outlet ($3.35.9). Just up the road from there is a Shell station ($3.47.9). Around the corner and up 3 blocks is a Smith’s Food King ($3.29.9). On the Shoshone Elko Colony mid-grade is $3.29.9)
My Point? All of these outlets (except the Shell) buy their fuel from one of the three local marketers. All of these marketers - and let me say that one more time - ALL of these marketers buy their fuels from the same bulk rack located in Salt Lake City, UT. This rack is fed by three refineries, one operated by Chevron, one by Phillips 66 and one by Flying J. All three refineries feed their product into the same bulk tank farm, through the same plumbing, through the same pumps in to the same nozzles to load the same supertanker trucks for transport to Northern Nevada. All of these fuels meet Government specs for additive and detergent quality. All of the diesel is the same. All of the Premium Gasoline is the same. All of the Mid-grade is the same. All of the Regular grade is the same. In fact, the only real difference is the name of the driver operating the truck.
The fuel I buy at Smith’s/Tesoro/Conoco or at the Shoshone Elko Colony is chemically identical to the fuel you would buy at one of the Chevron outlets if you were passing through here. But my fuel is $0.68 (+/-) a gallon less expensive. All of that fuel arrived on the same truck(s). It is not at all uncommon to see the Chevron truck at Smith’s one day, and the Conoco truck the next - and it’s just as common to see the Flying J truck at Chevron or Sinclair. I’ve even seen the same truck leave Chevron and drive down the street and top off Tesoro’s tanks.
Even in the Salt Lake Metropolitan area, all of the marketers buy the bulk of their product from that same bulk rack. It’s pretty much the same where ever you go.
What Chevron wants you to believe and the reality of keeping all those outlets supplied are two entirely different animals. However, I’m certain that Chevron appreciates your brand loyalty.
Sometimes life’s a bitch.
Lucy
(Before you ask, most of those supertanker drivers are very good friends of mine, and all of the marketers are my customers; I haul off all of their used and contaminated fuels and lubricants.)
[/slight hi-jack]
Okay, I just noticed that a (“Detour”) protein bar I bought today boasts that it is made with DESIGNER WHEY.
Awesome!
I thought this with Arm & Hammer’s push to have you change the box in the refrigerator every 4 hours.
I’m surprised they weren’t pushing you to sprinkle entire boxes in your underwear, on your flowerbeds and down your gas tank.
What about the ads that tout how cold their beer is? I’m no chemical physicist or anything, but I thought the temperature of a liquid determined how cold it is, and liquids like beer can only get so cold before you’re drinking a beer slushie. With more alcohol content, you can get the beer colder, but other than that, every beer is just as cold as other beers, no?
One beer company used to have ads that some survey of consumers determined that their beer had “more taste” than Bud Light. Not a mention of “better” taste, just “more” of whatever it was.
Now, it’s “56% of diet cola drinkers say that Diet Pepsi has more cola taste than Diet Coke”, which at least describes the taste, but doesn’t say anything about whether diet cola drinkers think that more cola taste is a good thing.
Or as warm as other beers. How cold is the fridge set?
Seriously, beer can freeze fully, as a friend and I once found out. We thought we’d be smart, and put a just-bought case outside on the porch to chill for a bit before we watched a game on TV. It was winter and the beer had frozen solid by the time that the game started. Not wanting to wait for it to melt, we ended up walking to the local pub to watch the game and drink beer there. Missed the first part of the game, but we were at least driking liquid beer.
In regards to the OP, I remember that when I lived in Ontario and worked in the Beer Store (a retail chain that sold beer, naturally), one microbrewer put on each case of its beer, “Store at 46-54F.” We only sold cold beer, so most consumers had no problem with whatever they bought. But these storage instructions on Certain Microbrew had a strange effect on some consumers–they actually would “feel” the case they were buying, as if they could tell the temperature by touch. One purchaser actually demanded to know how cold our store’s cooler room was, since he thought the case he got was about 60F. “And if it’s off or skunky when I open it, I’m bringing it back for a refund!”
What he, and other “connoisseurs” of Certain Microbrew didn’t know, was what I knew. You see, I also worked in the Beer Store’s local warehouse, where all beers were stored before being delivered to stores and bars and so on. No bottled beers, including Certain Microbrew, were chilled at the warehouse. They sat, on their pallets, awaiting delivery, at room temperatures. Sometimes hotter–that warehouse was like an oven on hot summer days. Certain Microbrew’s people assured us that their beer would stay good at room (or hotter) temps for a defined period of time, and the storage instructions were there for the end consumer’s benefit–so they knew how cold to serve it. “But if some people choose to think that these instructions make our beer a little more special and worth a premium price, well, good for us.”
The strategy worked. Consumers were certainly willing to pay extra for Certain Microbrew, and to take me to task if it wasn’t as cold as the instructions on the case said it should be. Even though they didn’t know how warm it had been stored at in the warehouse.