Favorite meaningless advertising claims

Cafe Society
1

I was reading the back of my Raisin Bran box today and saw this:
“We use only the plumpest and juiciest grapes to make our raisins.” Why does it matter how plump and juicy they are if you’re turning them into raisins!?!

It reminded me of a few others I’ve seen lately:

On the Sabra Hummus container:
“Richer, Smoother, & Tastier”

than what? I’m pretty sure any hummus can make that claim, if the alternative is, say, raw sewage.

I forget what snack food had this one, I think it was some chocolate chip cookies:
“Made with 100% real cocoa”

You know what else is made with 100% real cocoa? 50% real cocoa. And 10% real cocoa and 1% real cocoa.

Any other good ones?

2

“Switching to GEICO could save you up to 15% or more on your car insurance.”

3

With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good.

4

Similarly, a local car dealer … “We’ll pay you up to $4000 for your trade, no matter what condition it’s in! Cars in good condition could get even more!”

Seriously … that doesn’t tell me anything about what that dealer might give someone for a used car.

5

My all-time favorite is when an ad touts its product or service with “ANYTHING LESS IS NOT ENOUGH.”

Think about it for a minute. If anything less is not enough, then you’re saying that your product or service just barely meets the minimum requirements of acceptability.

6

One local radio ad referred to somebody’s ability to use “medical and non-medical procedures” to cure baldness.

7

Most car dealerships and insurance companies: “You’ve been pre-approved!”

8

“A tiger in every tank.”

9

This is a timely topic. I just returned from the grocery store; among the items I bought was a bottle of French’s mustard. The label very proudly displayed the following:

40% More!!!*
*than our 14 oz. size.
So the mustard folks are taking credit for the fact that 20 is 40% more than 14.
mmm

10

There was a bar near where I used to live in Oakland that hung the banner … “Coldest Beer in Town!”.

What, like absolute zero? Or just the most miniscule degree of temprature before it goes to solid?

I started an entire thread about that I don’t know how many years ago, and I’m still confused.

11

If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone.

Seriously? This (and all its variants) annoys me to no end.

12

If you don’t have an iPhone, well, you don’t have an iPhone!

Jinx!

13

Any beer that markets itself as being “cold” is automatically off my list of items worth drinking, since the coldness of a beer is determined by the refrigeration used to keep it cold, not by the beer itself. If the best thing you can think of to say about your product is that it is cold, you’ve got a problem, particularly when you’re suggesting that the temperature is inherent to the product, which it obviously isn’t.

14

“Four out of five doctors recommend…”

And any celebrity endorsement. And draping a voluptuous, usually scantily clothed female over a car to sell it.

15

Yeah, that’s my favorite one, although not GEICO specifically. Any form of advertisement that proclaims “up to X or more” is silly.

The plump grapes->raisins makes perfect sense, though. If you start off with a not-very-fleshy grape you get a not-very-fleshy raisin.

16

Free Delivery. Nothing is free. They are charging you somewhere else. All that free deliver means is, they charge you for delivery even if you come in and pick it up!

17

Similar to MMM’s:

There’s a 16 oz. bottle of dishwashing soap in the office kitchen which says:

45% MORE!
Than competitor’s 11 oz size.

18

“No [insert product] is better!”, with variants on the verbage: “No peanut butter is creamier!” “No floor cleaner gets your floors shinier!”

Um…okay. Doesn’t that just mean they’re potentially all about the same, except for your packaging? It doesn’t tell me your product is superior, just that it’s not inferior.

19

Ivory Soap is 99 and 44/100% pure.

20

Hair care products with micro-nutrients!