TO: All those Rhymers not named “Skald” or “Kim”
FROM: Skald
SUBJECT: Please keep your well-intentioned but stupid advice to yourselves
In the last 24 hours, a few issues have come up that I feel need addressing. In no particular order:
The fact that my wife is bipolar does not make her an idiot, delusional, or a child. The fact that she cried when she saw our cat had died while she was in the hospital does not mean she is about to have a breakdown. It means that she is sad because her cat died. This is a normal reaction.
In the same vein, Kim is not demon-possessed, deceived by the enemy, or otherwise influenced by supernatural forces. She does not need a freaking exorcism, no matter what your batshit insane minister thinks. While you are free to believe such things, and to discuss them among yourselves in places other than my house, please do not suggest such to her or to me while you are in my house, as it is insulting and I do not choose to be insulted IN MY HOUSE. Do it again and you will be asked to leave my house. And by “asked” I mean “I will take your car keys and throw them into the street.” Unless you are my eldest brother. You I will simply punch, as I hate you anyway and frankly am looking for an excuse.
In a similar but unrelated vein, the fact that my blood glucose is under control may be attributed to my careful monitoring of my diet and my spending an hour on the treadmill each day. It is not due to the power of prayer. You’ll note that prayer did not save our mother or my son from dying. You are, again, free to believe the contrary, but WHILE YOU ARE IN MY HOUSE, do not tell me that I need to give God the glory for my healing, as I have not been healed due to your prayers. Moreover, do not attempt to anoint me with olive oil in an attempt to gain further imaginary healing.
When Kim says, “I don’t want another cat right now, it’s too soon after Mrs. Whatsit died,” please assume that she means “I don’t want another cat right now, it’s too soon after Mrs. Whatsit died.” Do not assume that she wants you to wheedle her into going cat-shopping with her. And do not assume that you should go out and obtain a cat and give it to her as a surprise. SHE IS NOT A CHILD and KNOWS HER OWN MIND.
If you do not know what the terms “A1c,” “glycated hemoglobin” or “meal exchanges” mean, please do not offer me suggestions as to what I should eat. In particular, do not hector me about EATING A BANANA.
To my sisters: I did not throw your asses out of my house when you made these inane comments out of respect for our father and affection for your children. Please do not mistake my calm for patience.
To my brother: Remember when you were, oh, 18 or so, and I was 8, and our youngest sister was 3? Remember how you used to tickle us until we couldn’t breathe no matter how much we begged you to stop? It wasn’t funny then, and it damn sure isn’t funny now, and if you ever lay a finger on my stepdaughter in my presence when she has asked you, even jokingly, not to, I will grab the nearest blunt object and hit you on the head with it.
The fact that we are family does not mean that you have leave to show up any daylight hour without calling ahead. You notice how I don’t do that to you?
To my brother and sister who do not live in Memphis, to whom none of the above is addressed: You are very wise and I envy your life choices.
Wow. You sir, have an interesting set of family-related problems. If you were still evil, I’d point out that this is something that the bees could help with. Since you’re not - it might be useful to point out some of these things to your less-bright family members directly. Particularly the thing about the tickling - that’s especially not cool.
Sorry for your problems, man, and my sympathies regarding the cat. Good luck.
10/10, good sir. I can particularly empathize with #5. Having a daughter with diabetes, we get that all the time: “Oh, she can’t eat this” or, “Should she be having that?” It broke my heart when one kid in class told her that she couldn’t lose weight because she was diabetic. Those stupid cures that they give out for diabetes don’t help the situation. Type 1 is autoimmune, her pancreas produces no insulin and it CANNOT BE CURED. Hell, even with type 2, the pills may be easier to handle than shots, but the pills are NOT A CURE. I hate this disease sometimes: heck, most of the time.
This is a diabetes etiquette card. I’ve handed them out when the need has arisen. It may help you with your inconsiderate family.
I hope they see the error of their ways with all of the above. I may believe in the power of prayer, but it was human medicine that saved my child’s life. And the whole olive oil thing: freaky.
I can’t view your card for whatever reason. I blame the Etruscans.
I don’t think it would work anyway. The thing is, the siblings in question genuinely, no-two-ways-about-it, believe in faith healing; so does my father. And I handicap myself when talking to them about it, because I refuse to unlimber the big gun: the fact that our mother and my kid did not get the miraculous healing and minimum 70 years of life supposedly promised to the righteous. That would be difficult for them to counter, but I simply can’t bear to be that big of an asshole.
Well, that’s not true. I’ve done it with my oldest brother, but I despise him; the tickling thing is only the tip of the iceberg.
Sorry you can’t get the card: it’s a PDF file. It’s basically 10 things about diabetes etiquette for people who don’t have diabetes: the first one is, Don’t offer unsolicited advice about my eating or other aspects of diabetes.
Posts like this make me glad that while most of my family is nuts it’s in a good way. No religious fanatics (or if they are, they keep it to themselves), and nobody offers unsolicited advice. I get kidded about my weight, but it’s good-natured and only because they know I don’t mind; besides, it means I get to kid my younger brothers about their bald spots.
I have an acquaintance, on the other hand, who is diabetic and used to drive my late wife and I nuts with his constant cross-examinations about her blood sugar and her diet. I swear, there were times I damn near punched him out. I think the only reason he finally stopped was because several of our friends took him aside and pointed this out to him.
Maybe it’s just that I’m a giant bitch and a misanthrope, but I wouldn’t let them in my house at all.
And who the hell recommends getting a new cat RIGHT AFTER the previous one died? That’s just retarded! Even if you both decide you want another cat, you’re too upset to take care of one right now! (not to mention, she just got out of the hospital and probably like to chill for a while). I know, I know, logic doesn’t work for some people…
(I have no comments on the others that don’t involve swearing, ranting, and shouting.)
For some people, right after a pet died is the perfect time to get a new pet–they can grieve the old one while pampering a new one. Sometimes this is especially true (in my experience) with people who have had much loved older pets in less than perfect health.
For others, time without a pet is key to processing their grief.
Now, recommending kitty-shopping may be a bad suggestion, but lacking other clues of boarish behavior, I’d give them a pass on this one.
Unfortunately for both Skald and Kim, this is not the only indicator of insensitivity on the part of assorted family members.
I have a sister and brother-in-law who I would have nothing to do with if they weren’t family - I see them at birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving. If you’re not already doing this with family you can’t stand, I highly recommend it.
As a dog owner, I may disagree with this. It is horrible when your beloved pet dies, but there is no joy like a new puppy. I understand that Kim may not feel like she wants a new kitten now, but it may be the best therapy.
That said, going, getting random cat, giving to her? No.
