Dear fuckface: LAY OFF THE HORN!

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m stopped at a red light in the left (of 2) lanes. Just before it turns green, a car comes up behind me having come around the bend with its brights on. The very second the light turned green this guy lays on the horn. Mind you, he was still approaching right before the light changed so now that he’s honking I’m thinking he’s warning me of imminent danger. Having just been in a car accident 2 months ago, my heart races and I think he’s going to plow into me. I can’t go any faster than the car in front of me, which is going a reasonable speed, but this guy stays on my tail. In this strip of road there’s a light at every block for about 6 or so blocks. At the next light we hit a red but it’s about to turn green. Again, the second the light changed he is blasting the horn.

I’ve now determined this guy is just a fucking asshole. He gets room to go into the right lane and then begins to honk repeatedly at the taxi now in front of him. The taxi tries to speed up to get in front of the person in front of me so that crazy guy can just go on ahead. The driver in front of me has the good sense to get out of the way when the taxi almost cuts him off, trying to get out of the way of the asshole. Even though this cacophony of honking is pissing me off, I’m still wondering if maybe crazy guy needs to get ahead because of some emergency. At the next red light a few lights down, I see crazy guy is just sitting back totally relaxed in his car.

In closing…I’M SO FUCKING SORRY YOU NEED TO GET AHEAD OF ME THAT BADLY. Don’t fucking lay on the horn and then nearly cause an accident because we’re not fucking going fast enough for you. I know you don’t know I just had an accident, but when you roll up behind me with your brights on and laying on the horn, I’m thinking there’s a dangerous situation about to happen.

Maybe this is a weak rant but jeez it really pissed me off and scared the shit out of me.

2

Oh and for any Long Islanders who might read this, this started heading south bound at the intersection of Peninsula Blvd and Ocean Ave.

3

Don’t all Long Islanders suck at driving. :stuck_out_tongue:

We get them down here in Jersey too. Today in heavy traffic I got honked about a second after a light changed for not moving. Mind you, we’re in heavy traffic and I was a good 1/8 of a mile away from the light. Maybe its because I left about half a car length between myself and the guy in front of me. Sorry, I’m not trying to become a part of a life-sized Newton’s craddle when some asshole like the asshole behind me rams into the cars behind us. Sigh. There’s an amazing Onion article written by someone who had our experience, but its in a back issue and you need a subscription for that.

4

I always feel guilty when I honk ( for legitimate reasons ) because of people like this asshole.

5

In a New York minute.

6

I thought it was a New York city tradition to honk your horn if you could smell a green light.

7

To paraphrase the great Dave Barry

8

Get an air horn for the next time you run into Horatio. Pull up behind him and WHONK!

9

You forgot one, Cheesesteak.

Dave Barry said the codes were:

  1. The light is green.
  2. The light is red.
    **3. I hate you. **
  1. This vehicle is equipped with a horn.

C’mon! This is the Pit! How could you leave out “I hate you!”