Dear Hair In My Food

Look, I understand you’re there. You’re everywhere, there are billions of people and billions of animals and that all makes for a lot of hair to be available to get in food. But why, why every fucking time I get a fork or spoonful with hair in it WHY must you somehow get caught on my lip and then my tongue and then my lip again and then I have to get a finger in there and you get stuck on that too… why not just fucking GO down like all the other food? Hmmm? Why this need for attention? “Oh excuse me, EXCUSE ME! HAIR coming through, please make way and prepare the esophagus, HAIR coming through, HAIR here, HAIR”.

You know what? Fuck you. I’m going to eat you anyway.

Good call.

Ha! That’s so true - it never just meekly hides in your soup, does it?

Got this really, really long synthetic one all glued to my pizza once. Usually it wouldn’t bother me much, but the way it just kept unravelling from the cheese as I pulled on one end did kind of put me off my feed.

Sure it does. You just don’t notice those ones. :p;)

This thread needs a warning on it. DO NOT READ BEFORE EATING! :stuck_out_tongue:

And I might even be tempted to leave off the ‘before eating’ part because it grossed me out. Where’s the barfy smilie?

:dubious:

What did you expect the thread to be about? :confused:

:stuck_out_tongue:

Inadequately prepared venison?

Well, actually, I thought it would be about how the OP carefully removed the hair from the food and then promptly threw it out. Or I guess he/she could leave it in if they were going to throw it out. But I did NOT guess that the OP would know about the hair and proceed to eat it. . . and describe it in great detail. And then have others join in. Triple ewwww.

But like a lot of Pit threads these days. . . not what I thought at all. :stuck_out_tongue:

Meh, it’s only hair. If you eat any significant amount of processed foods, I can pretty much guarantee you’ve eaten much, much grosser things. Like rodent turds, ground up bugs and other things most people don’t want to think about eating. The FDA sets minimum acceptable standards for these things; those standards are not zero.

Oh Q.E.D., you are perhaps deliberately missing the point.

I watch “Bizarre Foods” on the Travel Channel…and I am aware that people eat tons of things I wouldn’t eat. I am also aware that there is an acceptable amount of bugs, shit, pesticides, and who knows what else in processed foods.

As a girl with long hair I am only surprised that the OP didn’t mention the horribly sickening Hair That Gets Caught In The Back of the Throat, though. You’re lucky if you catch a hair on your mouth/lips/teeth. It’s the hair that makes it past all that, and then gets ornery on the back of your throat, that makes your gag reflex go into overdrive and makes your mouth water with pre-vomit saliva.

If somebody were to grind that hair up and process it so that I never knew it existed, I’d be a lot more okay with it. The ordeal of removing it–tickling and rubbing against the back of the throat the whole time–is the main problem. I challenge anybody to withstand removing a fifteen-inch-long strand of hair tickling the back of their throat without gagging like mad and losing their appetite.

If it isn’t your own hair, that’s a whole other gag-reflex problem. But either way, a long strand of hair in your food is one of the most repulsive things that can happen to anyone who is trying to eat anything.

I’d much rather eat invisible bug parts.

You do.
http://vm.cfsan.fda.gov/~dms/dalbook.html
http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/05/06/29/how_many_insect_parts_and_rodent_hairs_are_allowed_in_your_food.htm

One of my jobs is as a hairdresser. Hair in my food is just one of the job hazards - I’m covered with little snippets of the stuff, it’s inevitable that some will occasionally land on my lunch. We just say “meh” and pull it out, no big deal. I managed to squirt perm solution in my mouth once…I’m sure it was worse for me. Tasted pretty nasty too.

Also, Santa isn’t real.

:eek:

I totally read that as, “squirt sperm solution”. I wasn’t sure how you did that on accident.

Then there’s the hair that that gets caught between your teeth. I think my least favourite is taking a big bite of something, and as I’m chewing realize there’s a hair in the bite, and have to try to fish it out and it is half out and half still in the food in my mouth. I really hate that.

And I don’t care how many bug parts and rat turds there are in processed food, hair in your food is gross, end of story.

Hah, Santo! I should be so lucky! :stuck_out_tongue:

Do you actually not get how this grosses someone out? I couldn’t care less about the gross things I eat if they’re ground up beyond all taste or recognition. It does, however, make me gag if I’m eating something and have to slowly pull a long or short, straight or curly hair out of the mouthful of food that I’ve just placed between my lips. Do you seriously not understand?

Yes he is. I have photographic evidence.

Craig Ferguson met him buying gas somewhere in a northeastern state, I believe it was.