Dear Makalele:

The BBQ Pit
1

I think you’re a fine football player and have shown as much at Madrid since you came over from Celta. In fact, your reputation as a tireless worker, defensive stopper and ball-winner, has been greatly enhanced in that three year stint.

However, what the fuck were you thinking when you pulled this stunt? Because it’s rather obvious you put quite a bit of thought into it. I will give you that the timing was nearly impeccable, what with Flavio and Geremi already out from the squad and our only other natural defensive mid, Helguera – a much better player than you BTW --, committed to central defender, your bargaining position would only appear to be strengthened. But listen up, you fucking nitwit, if you had taken the time to look into matters a bit further, you might have realized that, oh, I don’t know, you have a binding and legal contract until 2006 and that the club is under NO obligation to revise it. Especially now that you’ve pulled this shit. Sure, I have some sympathy towards your “predicament,” i.e., that you’re “only” making a bundle as opposed to a mega-bundle like many of your other teammates. And yes, some of those, such as Morientes and Macca, make a tidy little sum for basically watching the games from the bench while you, you poor baby, actually have to fucking run and sweat all over the pitch for yours. Awww, you poor thing you! Imagine a footy player having to do that.

Guess what, Sunshine? That’s the way the cookie crumbles. It just so happens that when you sign a contract, you do so under the proviso that you’re getting fair market value at the time of your signature. And you couldn’t possibly be arguing, could you, that at that time you were undervalued, huh? I mean, seeing as you drive around in a fucking Ferrari and live in a mansion, it’s not exactly like they are whipping your ass unto the pitch, is it? Yes, odds are very good that if your contract ran out now, you’d get a substantial raise. But that’s not the case is it, Einstein? And by waving that gun around you are only going to end up shooting yourself in the foot. In fact, look down now, that’s what that gaping hole is. Yeah, the one where your brains are oozing out from! Dickhead.

Further, it you had bothered to look beyond your greed, you might have noticed that Casillas and Michel have at least as good a case as yours and likely a better one. For they are both not only starters like yourself, but also make less money than you do. But, unlike you, they realized that Real Madrid was holding all the cards. And, unlike you, they didn’t want to risk pissing off the club and throwing their careers down the toilet! Like that FIFA ban hanging over your head and that BIG ass fine that’ll cut into your miserly salary even further. Damm, you might even have to switch to regular unleaded for your Ferrari. Yeah, I know, I’d be pouting too.

In closing, dear Claude, just like your departed compatriot, Anelka, you’ve just assured yourself that your playing days at Madrid are over. The only thing that remains to be seen is whether you’ll be playing at all and it doesn’t look good in the short run.

Now, if all of this was concocted by that sleazy agent you have, I’d almost be tempted to apologize. But damn, man! It’s not like you had to be anywhere close to a genius to figure this out. And guess what? We move Helguera back to defensive mid, his natural position, go out and get a decent central defender for about the same salary you had, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll end up thanking you for your stupidity.

So much for “indispensable.”

Bye Claude. It’s been Real.

2

Wide receiver?

3

I think he overestimated his bargaining power and overplayed his hand. He might have figured that the midfield still needed a ball winner in midfield to get the ball for the guys whose talent lie in passing and scoring.

Unfortunately, he came out awfully agressively and Real isn’t going to back down. I hear he might end up at Chelsea which is fine with me because I get the EPL on Fox Sportsworld.

4

anguished howl NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!

5

Zoff,

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Like I said, with Geremi and Flavio gone, he obviously felt Madrid would kowtow to his demands. He’d already been whining a bit last season about his salary, which, in all fairness, has turned out to be a bit of a bargain for Madrid. OTOH, you don’t see the bench players with the huge contracts asking for a pay cut, do you? And that’s the whole issue here. If a player thinks he’s going to be all that and a bag of chips, and he is not getting fair market value at the time of the signing, well then, have the balls to sign a single-season contract and don’t go for the long term security.

As for ending up at Chelsea, who knows? Although for the time being Madrid has closed all talks with his agent and are asking full price for his transfer – 73 million Euros. I doubt even Abramovich will be willing to shell out that kind of cash for what is, after all, a role player. A very good one to be sure, but no superstar.

matt,

There’s a bit of a play on words in that quote. Has to with the team Claude plays for.

6

I, um, know. That would explain my reaction.

7

I have to wonder if he has a bad agent or if he is listening to others like Anelka did. It’s one thing for a superstar to have a reputation for pouting but, as you said, he’s a role player. Have you heard anything about this?

I’d also like to formally apologize for the second sentence in my first post. It’s breathtakingly bad. I hang my head in shame.