Now, I know you’re awfully busy - you know, making it rain here, making things grow there, making the earth shake someplace else - and so I can’t fault you for too much; you do have a lot on your plate.
But.
Would you be so kind as to rein in your people? I’m talking about Jack Frost and Old Man Winter in particular. See, it’s 31 March…yes, March - you know, “In like a lion, out like a lamb”? That month? Anyhow, it’s 31 March. We’re supposed to be flying kites, aren’t we? Not SCRAPING 3 FREAKIN’ INCHES OF SNOW OFF OUR CARS!!!
Ahem.
Sorry, didn’t mean to get upset there.
Anyhow, if you could remember that we’re kinda tired of all this white stuff, and maybe melt it off a bit, we’d really apprecaiate it.
As an addendum to that previous request, and not to imply we’re ungrateful for this rain you’ve been sending us this month; but could you please tone it down a bit? Dang, it’s like we’ve almost caught up for the previous two years this month!
I’ve been wondering if you’re not in cahoots with the pavment repair companies, as Jackson has a bumper crop of potholes thanks the all that dry Yahoo Clay soaking up water. I know that’s a tall charge, but you have to consider the evidence.
I’m not asking for much. Just a normal spring. Warm, sunny, light (warm!) breezes.
Why do you hate me so much? I haven’t done anything to you.
You made it rain for 4 straight days on my honeymoon in Hawaii. All the locals told us they couldn’t believe it was raining so much, and how it never rains like that in October. Oh, and thank you for knocking over that tree right outside my hotel room. I really enjoyed it the next morning when the guys were out there sawing the branches up.
You then made it rain on me in Las Vegas last month. You know, the Las Vegas out in the frickin’ desert? Oh, and not only was it rain, mind you, it was Record Breaking Rain. Rain so bad that it was the top news story every day. I’m surprised you didn’t make it snow on me. Thank you for that one nice day though, remember, the day I left? That was very nice of you.
The very best part though, so much better than the rain, was how you made a huge storm develop over New England when I was on my way home. A storm so big it made the news in Las Vegas. I really liked coming home to that, especially because I love flying in bad weather so much.
See, Mother Nature is on vacation here in California. She forgot to turn off the cold and snow, which is why we’ve been having 75 degree temps and clear skies.
I once said, “NATURE HATES ME!!” stepping outside one day noticing that it was snowing. Not more than a second later I slipped on some ice and ended up flat on my ass. From that day on, nature has thwarted my every attempt at travel or leasure. Please mother nature, STRIKE ME WITH LIGHTNING AND GET IT OVER WITH!!!
