Okay, Saturn, I bought one of your cars back in 1993. It was my very first brand new car. I was 18. You can only imagine how excited I was. It’s all been downhill from there, because you people are horrible, miserable people, and I dread every instance when I have to interact with you in any way.
I will try to stay focused in this rant. This rant is not about the car. This is not about the two alternators that I went through in less than three months. This is not about the endless break problems. This is not even about the air conditioning system, which was the most recent thing to go wrong. This is about you, the people who work at Saturn. I hate you people.
Two years ago, I took the car in for the A/C. You put in a new compressor, to the tune of $350. Less than a year later, the A/C went south again. I suffered through last summer. But this year, I figured I’d bite the bullet and at least get an estimate. So last Wednesday, I brought you my car. And you told me I needed two new parts, both of which were leaking. You gave me an estimate of $1630. I picked my car up twenty minutes later. I have a friend who is a mechanic, and was willing to do the repairs for me. He called you. You explained that the parts (these are “dealer parts only” wouldn’t you know, and as such can only be obtained from Saturn) would run $576 for both. Which means that YOU PIGFUCKERS WERE GOING TO CHARGE OVER $1000 FOR LABOR ALONE!
I got the parts used for less than $150. Said friend fixed the car on Saturday. However, we needed one more part. A little teeny clip that holds the cables to the temperature controls in place. I called around. What do I find? Ah, yes. This is, of course, a dealer part. I call the Saturn dealership near work. The guy had NO CLUE what part I was talking about! I described the part to him, I explained what it looks like, what it does, etc. He says to me, “There’s no such part in a Saturn.” I tell him, “I’ve seen it! I know it’s there!” So the smartass says to me, “If you have it, then why are you calling?” “Because one of mine is broken. Just look up the part.” So he looks it up. Says it’s called a Retainer Clip. Says it costs $16.40. This fucking thing is the size of a fucking paper clip, and you bastards charge over $16 for it. You people make me sick! I tell the guy I’ll call back later.
Later I decide to call the dealership closer to home. I call, the guy gives me the same story. There is no such part. I explain to him where the part is. He doesn’t know what I mean by “temperature control panel.” I say, “Pretend you’re sitting in the car. Below the radio, there are some buttons and things that you push to make the car hot or cold.” Suddenly, the lightbulb comes on. He tells me to hold on. I hear him ask someone something. I hear another guy explaining how the A/C and heat works. This gives me great confidence in your service people :rolleyes: Guy gets back on the phone. He can’t find the part. I tell him to look under “Retainer Clip” since that’s what the other place called it. He says, “If you already called another dealership, why are you calling me?” I tell him to please just look it up. He finds the part. Tells me it costs over $10, and why don’t I go to a regular parts store. I tell him I’d rather do that, but I have no choice. He says, “Well, if you don’t want it from Saturn, I won’t order it for you.” “Just order it.” “No, you said you didn’t want it.” “JUST ORDER THE PART!” He orders the part.
I go today to pick up the part. I walk into the Saturn dealership. I go to the counter and explain what I need. Perky girl behind the counter says I need to go next door to Pontiac. I don’t question this. I know better. I just go. I get to Pontiac and ask for my part. They point me to the back. I go to the back, I ask where I go to get my part. Bitchy chick rolls her eyes and tells me in a snippy tone that I need to go down further. I finally find the parts counter. I ask for my part. The guy says, “You ordered it meaning that you ordered it TODAY…or you ordered it meaning that you ordered it with enough time to get here?” I respond, “Ordered it meaning that I ordered it yesterday and they called today to say that it’s here NOW.” He brings the part. He rings it up. He says, “Damn! Hey lady, you won’t believe this, but it’ll cost you $11.79.” I hand him a 20. He looks at me as if I have horns coming out of my head. “No, no,” he laughs, “do you know where the Saturn building is?” (No, it’s fifty feet from here, and you share a driveway, and I just came from there, but I need directions). “Yes.” “You need to pay for it there.” I said, “Naturally.”
Let me take this opportunity to point out something: Anyone could have walked out of the Pontiac building and straight to their car with that part, without going anywhere near the Saturn building, much less paying for the part. Now, I am an honest person (although I admit to being tempted to take off, simply out of frustration). A lot of people aren’t as honest as I am. And a lot of parts are worth a hell of a lot more than 12 bucks. To rely on the honesty of people, especially if you treat the rest of your customers as shittily as you treat me, shows me just how fucking stupid you actually are. You practically deserve to be ripped of, you assholes.
Now, I am a fairly patient person. And I understand that you’re only doing your jobs. But it’s not enough that my car is a piece of shit. Oh, no. You have to make every encounter I have with you people as obnoxious as possible. All of your fucking parts are dealer parts. Fine, so you want to make sure that you get every possible cent. Fine by me. But when I call to ask about a part, I expect to speak to someone who knows what the fuck they’re talking about. And you never have the parts in stock do you? How the fuck do you work on cars every day if you don’t have any fucking parts?! And when I call and get transferred around and get sent here, there, and everywhere for an answer to one fucking question…Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhh! You just have to make every little thing as fucking difficult as possible, don’t you? Go feltch a goat.
Thanks for asking. Anyway, I know a bunch of people that are unhappy with their Saturns. Lessee…about…8 (including me) off the top of my head. I know two people that are happy with theirs. Most of us have the same complaints in my experience. Break problems, alternator problems, trans problems (actually I’ve --knock on wood–never had that yet). I understand that there is always wear and tear on a car and I accept that. But some of this shit is ridiculous. I kept the rant strictly to discussing the service because it would take several rants to explain the actual car itself.
