Fenris: The petulent the Humane Society shows signs of felching. They’ll have to report you for animal abuse.
[fake Fenris]Dear Pucky:
This, mein herr, was called “out of bounds.” And I’m damn well going to stick with this schtick until SOMEBODY laughs. You’ve been warned.[/fake Fenris]
Oh, the sweet, sweet, revenge of the sight of the ditches and shoulders filled with the great untutored who thought they could buy what may only be learned. It truly perks me up to see the idiot SUV population literally left on the side of the road to scream impotently into cellphones that were themselves almost useless due to severe cell system overload.
I can remember a Rav4, a Trooper, and what looked like an Acura SUV all unable to climb a hill I went up with ease.
On the premise that you’re a small-minded rectally-inverted smattering of bubbling diarrheal drippings, I kindly invite you to lick out my asshole and call it candy, buckaroo. Or does that make me too “reckless” for your down-homey tastes?
**
So how many cosmic brownie points do I get for whooshing a mod? 
You see, Ike (warning - patient explanation coming up): I was providing inane hyperbole in response to same, much as in a return of serve in tennis.
I put in about 50 miles per week commuting in a car* that gets 25 mpg or so in the city. And the good ol’ SDMB gives me the opportunity to hear cerebral cortex-midgets who probably do more driving than that in a day yammer on about how upright and patriotic they are because they drive a car and not an SUV. I rarely see such assaults on drivers of any vehicle that gets poor mileage or people who insist on living in the suburbs a zillion miles from work and who then bitch about the godawful traffic and those nasty dangerous gas-guzzling SUVs. Sing a chorus of “Kumbaya” with Arianna Huffington all you please, but if we’re going to talk about patriotism, the person who spends scant time behind the wheel of a Blazer is a hell of a lot more “patriotic” than a nimrod who spends two hours a day commuting to work in a Civic.
But no, SUVs are a symbol of whatever the bozos’ resentment of the day is - soccer moms, horsepower, people-who-dare-to-sit-higher-than-me, etc. etc.
Want to talk meaningful? How about our Pres. and Congress who refuse to do anything serious about energy conservation until a crisis whacks them in the ass?
I don’t care! I just hate them SUVs!! I do!!!
*Mrs. J. drives a compact SUV and puts in maybe half that mileage weekly.
Quod erat demonstrandum.
By the by…
My car is due out of the body shop Monday, repairs thanks to the insurance company and eventually the wallet of the guy who sideswiped me on New Years’ Eve.
The guy in the Chevy Cavalier, who “couldn’t see me” when he swerved into my lane.
{hold breath here, turn red and blue, puff out with indignation and wail}:
Goddamn farking dickweed moron Cavalier drivers! You and your midsize pissant hunk of Detroit tin!! You middle-of-the-road sanctimonious fartbrain! Gnash!!! Froth!&&#$!*
I like Miatas, by the way. Drove one for 9 years. Never would have thought to brag on its winter driving capabilities, but I never invested in the optional snowshoes. 
Hope you didn’t think I was insulting Miatas, or cars in general. I’d look like a goddam fool(I’m lookin’ at you there, Pucky) if I were to do that while simultaneously railing against those who attack SUV’s.
Can I tell you about the ass in the Saturn on I290 this evening? Perfectly dry - if salty - conditions, and this quarterwit manages to get against the flow of traffic and take out two other cars in the process. I didn’t see the accident. But maybe I can take from this that Saturn drivers are fuckin’ idiots.
Nah, can’t do that. 'Cause I am not an idiot. And thanks in part to this place, I try not to judge on sight anymore.
I repeat what I’ve said in a previous post - SUV’s are like the One Ring. If you were a pretty powerful asshole when you acquired one, then you become Extremely Powerful Asshole. If you were normal, then you stay normal.
I’ve got no problems with SUVs or SUV drivers. I just think that SUVs give drivers a false sense of security in poor weather conditions that the driver of that fictional Miata does not have. Thus SUV does not equal bad drivers, it’s just that bad drivers tend to choose SUVs.
Moreover, since I am the only good driver on the road, all other drivers, regardless of what they drive, suck.
Nah. I just love to join a dog-pile-on-SUV thread and that someone mentioned Miatas made it impossible to resist. Peace.
SUVS SmesUVS, when the fuck are people going to realize that going ten or more above the speed limit on an icy road is a bad idea? I live on a fairly well traveled(relatively speaking) US Route and about 700 feet from my driveway another Route crosses it like so. __ The other route angles sharply downhill, and at the bottom of the junction things tend to stay icier than the surrounding road, because the run-off comes down the hill to settle there. The town salts the shit out of it, but it’s always slightly slicker than the rest of the road in the winter. However, if you drive at a reasonable speed you’d be fine. In the course of 36 hours (Saturday to Sunday afternoon) three assholes who were speeding hit the icy spot and flipped their goddamn vehicles. Three! In a widdle bitty town of 6,000! Jesus.
Flame war aside, I feel pretty much the same way.
Some info I’ve cadged from this site.
Compare the braking distances from 60 mph to 0 in the following illustration. In a common accident scenario, imagine you’ve encountered a stopped semi truck while going around a blind curve. The semi is 142 feet in front of you. Which is the safest vehicle to be in?
Porsche Boxster: 120 feet…Yawn.
Oldsmobile Intrigue: 131 feet…Arrgh.
Dodge Caravan SE: 135 feet…Whew.
Pontiac Transport: 141 feet…WHEW!
Isuzu Rodeo: 148 feet…BANG!!
Ford Explorer: 150 feet…SMASH!!!
Chevrolet Blazer: 154 feet…SLAM!!!
Chevrolet Suburban: 155 feet…CRUNCH!!!
Kenworth Pilgrimage: ??? feet…&$@#%=>#:~@%!!!
Statistical Source: Edmunds Car and Truck Guide.
It helps if you have a vehicle that can stop. Or maneuver.
Gesundheit, mental midget. Now howzabout backing up your negative stereotypical comments about SUV drivers?
Oh, wait, you can’t.
Class, class… what does that make the subject? Yes, little Timmy, what do you think?
“Does that make him a genius, Teacher-man?”
No, Timmy, it does not. Go sit in the corner like a good little dunce. Now, Susie, what do you think?
“Teacher, I think it makes the subject an absolute, small-minded idiot.”
Very good, Susie! You get a gold star for the day!
Oh, bullshit, Jackmanni. You had the same attitude in a previous post, and then claim it’s merely rhetorical (and a whoosh) once a mod gets on you. That’s the same kind of cowardice shown by SUV drivers who have to tailgate Mazdas.
I read the article and I was disappointed that the author picked on the Porsche Cayenne for “ultrahostile acceleration” when it can at least turn and stop.
I would add to your list the - wait for it -
Hummer H2: (70-0) 244 feet…R.I.P. (that is 40 feet worse than bad) Source: Car and Driver road test
But Susie, please don’t let Spoofe try to award it to you “after class.” Remember, good touch/bad touch.
Due to a lot of the concern out there, apparently there is a bill being sponsored to remove SUVs from the road.
There’s some good information here for those of you who don’t think we should be allowed to drive SUVs
World Eater: Christ I’m a fucking idiot? Is that your most articulate response? Which part of my post don’t you believe? The shitty gas mileage that SUVs get? I can cite, if you wish:
That’s a US Department of Energy website, listing the mpg of a 2002 Chevy Blazer. Want more?
http://www.fueleconomy.gov/feg/oildep.shtml
We’re at the mercy of OPEC, who controls the vast majority of the world’s oil reserves. You don’t mind giving those guys your money, fine, but would you let them date your sister?
Jackmanii: Huh? I’m a mental midget b/c I pointed out that there’s a contradiction inherent in strapping a flag on a vehicle that puts more money in the pockets of America’s enemies? Sorry if that smarts, but it’s true. All the blustering insults in the world don’t change it either.
To be fair (shocking, I know): the SUVs are getting better mileage due to increased pressure from the government and consumers. However, many of them, esp. earlier models, leave a lot to be desired. If that doesn’t bother you, fine, but waving a flag doesn’t make you a patriot.
Oh yeah, and I would level the same accusation at ANY car that is so utterly fuel inefficient and is used as a regular driver. However, since this thread is about SUVs, I only aimed my criticism at them. Wouldn’t want to be OT.