Fun fact about possums: they have thirteen nipples, arranged in a ring around a central nipple. That’s creepy. I’m trying to picture it, and get the shivers. They’re the only North American marsupial. I mean, I’d expect this thing out of Australia, where God apparently took shrooms and went all SimLife on the place, but here in the Northern Hemisphere, we’re not used to remembering that we haven’t managed to hunt all our weird wildlife to extinction yet. Glyptodonts? Down for the count. Giant ground sloths? Sadly, all dead. Short-faced bears? Ex-fucking-tinct (and thank god!). But possums? Alive and killing my chickens. They got four in the past two weeks, even with improvements to the coop that would have prevented the fuckers from climbing between gaps in the fence.
This is why I want them all dead. Who’s up for some target practice at my place, followed by some possum stir-fry?
My next-door neighbor found a possum, dead, trapped with its head stuck in our fence where one fence board had fallen off. I can just picture it getting stuck, and then my cats taunting and terrorizing it to death.
Did that last night after discovering the last dead chicken. We’ll see how impregnable our chicken coop fortress is tonight. Maybe razor wire and searchlights would be a good investment?
Will it still try to get in if there if you’re now out of chickens?
I guess I’d always attributed hen house thievery to fox, coons, bobcats, coyotes and the like. I had no idea possum were fast enough to scratch out some yardbird.
Could be worse. I’m reminded of a thread (which I can’t find now, dadgummit) where someone put a large photo of a possum in an open space where a ceiling tile had been removed.
Or like what hedra experienced… One of her kids left the van door open, and a 'possum climbed inside and nested. Was there for, they figure, two or three days. They found the critter in there when they went to move the van… Nasty mess.
I’ll second dogs, surely there’s some breed of dog that would guard chickens instead of eating them. Sheep guard dogs tend to look like sheep, so would a chicken guard dog look like a chicken?
A fence that will keep a dog out may or may not keep a 'possum out. But all you need is one that will keep the dogs out and the chickens in - the hounds will handle the 'possum for you.
Look, the Didelphidae were hanging out in North America back when Tyrannosaurus rex went bowlin’ (or bolan) every Friday night. Of the two, T rex and D. virginiensis, guess which one survived? And you think you are their match?
I do feel sympathetic. Our old place, the one the tree fell on, one took up residence under the sink, where there was a hole to allow the sink drains access to the septic system, and they enlarged it to a 'possum entry. That 'possum lived up to our state’s slogan, “First in Flight,” briefly, thanks to my intervention (using oven mitts – you’re right about the teeth) – but unfortunately, also owing to the oven mitts, my aim was not good. I can conclusively say that an airborne possum impacting a mature longleaf pine tree trunk does more damage to the marsupial than to the conifer. (Didn’t stop him from moving back in, though.) But I can say that 'possums do enjoy a good healthy breakfast of Captain Crunch, 2% milk, and D-Con rat poison – at least that’s true once per possum. (Advice: ensure you have all small nooks and crannies a dying possum could hide in securely blocked off before fixing him this breakfast.)
Finally, let me quote, in behalf of 'possumdom, the world’s most famous 'possum, Pogo: “We have met the enemy, and they is us!”
I heard from a veterinarian’s assistant that when possums “play” dead, they have actually experienced a sudden drop in blood pressure from fear and are passed out cold. Wimps.
You need to go post in the current Special Manly MMP. They’ve reserved an honorary manly spot for you. You, sir, are the frikkin’ Dexter of all Manlys.
