Death by Forklift

I’m aware that a forklift may be lethal if used directly, but being a bit more diabolical… How will someone suffer if you pick them up by the head with a forklift? Assuming the forks are just close enough together to pick the victim up and tight enough that the victim cannot wriggle out.

Note: I neither have or anticipate access to a forklift personally, no do I have anyone I wish to victimize. Just wondering.

Are you talking about clamping the head between the tines, or the tines against the neck and lifting by the jawbone? Actually clamping on the head to lift and prevent escape will be extremely painful, and damage tissue and bone. If they struggle at all, they’ll probably make it worse. Where on the head would the tines go? The mandibular joint (if that’s what its called) is strong and hard, and away from sinuses and organs. But any place on the head that you grab with two flat pieces of steel are going concentrate the force on a pretty small area.

Anyway, if you change your mind about trying this out, I know where you can get used forklifts cheap.

I’d need more information on how you define “suffer.” As in “how badly will they suffer,” or “what kind of suffering will they endure”?

On the forklifts I work with, I don’t think the forks can actually close together close enough to clasp the average person around the neck. If they could, they still couldn’t raise fast enough to do anything really dramatic. Like decapitate the victim, or break their neck.

Well…I don’t think break necks. If the person was especially heavyset or simply well anchored, maybe—but that depends more on average human neck strength than anything else, and I simply don’t know enough on that area to give a meaningful answer. I have to imagine it would depend on if the person tried to support their weight by clawing at the forks as they were lifted or not.

They’d be crushed like a can of pineapples.

Death by forklift? That’s no way for a man to die. A parachute not opening … that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine … having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go!

For all your Death by Forklift needs, you simply have to watch this German Forklift safety educational video. Patience, it’s worth it!