I’m wondering if there is such a thing. If not, there should be. You should definitely be able to sentence your hair stylist to some sort of oblivion.
I have whacky curly hair. I used to live in Boston and I had found a woman with hair like mine who did a great job. Recently, I took a job in Cedar Rapids, Iowa where I like it just fine. No! I love it! Everything is cheap and people are really nice here.
After the move I needed my hair cut badly…I’d let it go to pot during the weeks before, during, and after the move and seriously wanted to feel more pulled together. I’m not usually THAT picky over my hair. It grows fast, it’s only hair, and a bad snip here or there won’t show up in my mass of curls anyway.
So I started looking around at the local women to see who had cute hair and I noticed something strange: Stepford Iowans. They all have the same haircut. Not only that, but it’s not a very flattering haircut at all. It’s very short and “stacked” up the back and angled down so that it’s MUCH longer in front. This haircut is flattering on very few people. In addition, I think it went out of style in 1984.
In any case, I’m not that snobby. If the locals have their own style, if they’re all emulating a good buddy, whatever…we don’t all have to have some “big city fashion.” I grew up in the Midwest in jeans and flannel without Stuart Weitzman and Dellaria. Off I went to the salon on the corner.
There, I apparently ran into the woman who’s giving everyone the same haircut. I asked for a trim and came away with very, very short layers in the back that angle down to points below my jaw in the front. Except my hair is CURLY. This gives it massive volume that I seriously didn’t need.
It won’t curl up nice. I tried to straighten it out this morning, which not only takes 40 minutes, but doesn’t really work that well.
Now I look a GREAT deal like Sideshow Bob. Of course, the benefit is that I have a jumpstart on my Halloween costume. The bad part is that I’m shocked to find that there is such an obviously unflattering, horrible hairdo. I didn’t realize it could be so bad. It’s the exact opposite of whatever I needed for maneagable hair that flatters the shape of my face. Anything I would do to try to fix it would likely end up making it SO short that the solution might be just as unmaneageable (though I am considering that option).
So, without “justice” in this event…I can’t get my hair back and must suffer the consequences of this crime…I really think the perpetrator should be punished. Just what IS the penalty for hair massacre in Iowa?