I’m only halfway serious, that’s why I put it in the pit instead of GD.
I’ve heard things about Congress making some bill to regulate spam (I thought) so why not just make spamming punishable by death? That would get it to stop.
Forget about the huge costs it would take to find spammers, and any problems that might be run into with people sending spam from someone else’s computer. I think this would work. I can see how people might think that a country that would do this might not value life, but wouldn’t it just be clearing out all the stupid and slimey people that the country doesn’t have any use for anyway? Who is going to risk death to send out a solicitation that never works? It’s not like spam is sent on accident.
Would this be the equivalent of having your arm amputated because of a hangnail? Would it be OK to amputate if the hangnail was there everyday and was really annoying?
I’m getting fed up with the huge amounts of spam I get. World opinion be damned, I say off with their heads! (The spammers’ heads, not the world’s.)
Depends on how you define spam. While I like none of it, there are legitimate marketers who do not hide their identities and lie in order to get you to read their emails. Maybe we only maim these people.
As for those who hide their identities and constantly play a one-upmanship game with spam-fighters, “Hanging’s too good for 'em; burning’s too for 'em. They should be torn into tiny little pieces and buried alive!” (no, I never quite figured out how to do it, but I’m sure some research MD tired of spam could do the work free of charge)
I’ve found Junkbusters to be the best source for dealing with spam of all kinds.
I use Mailwasher and find it useful. Lets me see the spam before I retrieve it and checks a database against ‘known’ spammers. You can also tick those you want to call friends and those you want to block on a permanent basis.
Did I mention it’s free. They do, however, accept donations.
There are others also, I just happen to like Mailwasher. And since it’s free, it’s a good place to start.
You’re not going to throw away perfectly good spammers just like that, are you?
In my regime spammers will be herded naked into concentration camps in the desert, where the lucky ones will be used for medical experiments, and porn spammers will be forced to make good on the subject lines of their e-mails (WATCH ME TAKE FIVE HUGE GUYS UP THE ASS AT THE SAME TIME) with prison inmates.
I’m sure this won’t put an end to spam, since spammers are so relentlessly stupid and greedy, but maybe we’ll get some entertainment out of it. Vote for me anyway.
USENET had a “death penalty” of sorts, for sites that got out of line. Maybe there needs to be an “Internet Death Penalty” for Spammers.
All of those who run nameservers just remove the ISPs who support spam. Suddenly, things get difficult. And if they continue, then ban the IPs such that mail packets are no longer passed on.
I dunno, Spammers are only part of the problem. If Spam (and telemarketing for that matter!) didn’t cause spammers to rake in money, they wouldn’t do it. You have to go after the dumb fucks who encourage them to continue by actually responding to the Spam, too. I think it their cases you should print out a bunch of the Spam and shove it up their asses. I bet it’d make them think twice about taking up Amy’s offer of watching her screw beagles over her web-cam.
You will need:
1 Large Spammer or 2 small ones
1 Skillett
Ketchup
Onions
Tabasco Sauce
Chili peppers
1 Belt Sander
1 Circular Saw
1 Large Tenderizing Mallet
1 55-gallon hazardous waste drum
Remove the Spammers tail and horns. Prepare the Spammer as you would squid, but don’t remove the tentacles. Use the belt sander to remove the scales. De-Boning the Spammer won’t be a problem due to the lack of a spine.
Gut the Spammer with the circular saw, then remove the spammers thick hide by gripping the dorsal slime glands and peeling him from snout to tail.
Set your oven to “Medium Inferno.” Five minutes on each side and you’re done! Bon apetit!
– Nut
