Some people really dig chat rooms… I’ve heard stories that many teenage girls spend every waking hour of
their day giving net-hugs to thier online buddies on AOL. I thought this was intersting, and proceeded to think
as follows: “If people spend that much time in these chat rooms, they must be pretty damned cool! There
must be some seriously amazing shit going on in there!”
And so I went off on a quest. A quest to discover the sublime and indescribably addictive joys of chat rooms!
I too could have become a pathetic slob with no REAL friends, and immerse myself in the all-fulfilling
wonders of cyberspace!! It was decided!!
I went off and downloaded a copy of mIRC, a program that connects you to millions of chat rooms, 99.8% of
which having to do with "Lesbian Incestuous Feces Pictures". I logged on, and connected to one of the few
non-smut channels and prepared to behold the glory of internet friendships.
The conversation proceeded as follows:
KoolKat: Hi!
LuvBug: Hi Kat!
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: :)
JamesDean: lol!
KoolKat: {{{{{{{ jamesdean }}}}}}
JamesDean: thx, lol!
LuvBug: rotfl! :)
JamesDean: {{{{ kat }}}}
KoolKat: :-) lol!
At this point, I let out a roaring yawn, and slammed my face into the keyboard. Upon awakening, I massaged
out the keyboard-pattern imprinted on my face, and decided to check out how the jubilant cyber-friendships
were unfolding. Unfortunately, the dazzling intellectual tour-de-force that was going on before my little nap
was no longer as strong; the conversation had become a little less exciting:
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: lol!!
JamesDean: lol!
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: LOL!!
JamesDean: lol!
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: LOL!!
JamesDean: lol!
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: LOL!!
JamesDean: lol!
KoolKat: lol!
LuvBug: lol!!
JamesDean: lol!
But, whether exciting or not, I fell to my knees and wept. This was truly touching! They were all Lauging
Out Loud! Why can't we all grow up in "real society" and learn a bit from the openness of the net
community? Why can't we reach a point where we don't need actual FUNNY STUFF to create laughter, but
where the humor spawns from god-fucking-knows-where! In this enlightened society, I imagine conversation
to flow as follows:
Bob: Hi Mary!
Mary: Hi Bob!
[Mary begins lauging and snortling]
[Bob soon follows, and begins rolling on the floor like an epileptic possum]
[Mary stops and hugs Bob]
[Bob grins for the 47th time that day]
[The intense humor of this cases Mary's spastic laughing to resume]
[Bob is inspired by nothing short of divine perception to hug Mary.]
[Mary, always on the lookout for humor, continues to Laugh Out Loud.]
etc, etc, etc....