When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for certain persons to confront the insidious addiction which has connected them to cigarettes, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, leisure activities are pursued by men, deriving their enjoyment from the relaxing effects of nicotine. That whenever any form of leisure becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to pursue new healthy habits, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that addictions long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the addictions to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and illnesses, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such addiction, and to provide new guards for their future health. --Such has been the patient sufferance of this smoker; and such is now the necessity which constrains her to alter her former systems of reinforcement. The history of Camel Lights is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over this body. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
Cigarettes have repeatedly and wantonly caused bronchitis and similar respiratory infections in the body of this smoker.
Cigarettes have conspired to yellow the teeth, wrinkle the skin, and infuse the body of this smoker with an offensive odor.
Cigarettes have robbed this smoker of a sense of smell and taste.
Similarly, cigarettes have deprived this smoker of large sums of money.
Cigarettes have driven away a certain young man from pursuing a relationship with this smoker, due to detrimental effects to his health.
We, therefore, the representatives of the smokers of the world, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of the world, solemnly publish and declare, that these united smokers are, and of right ought to be free and independent persons; that they are absolved from all allegiance to cigarettes of any brand or manufacturer, and that all addictive connection between them and nicotine, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent persons, they have full power to run, breathe without coughing, save their money, avoid dangerous diseases, and to do all other acts and things which independent persons may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
I’m done. My quit date is officially set for 2 weeks hence, but there’s a certain young man I’d like to see and it would be nice not to make him sick. Plus, I felt this would be a rather auspicious day to quit. Although as I write this I’m drinking tea and using a nicotine replacement; there’s something not quite right about that. But if you’re an ex-smoker or a current smoker thinking about quitting, feel free to add to the list of cigarette’s injustices and usurpations.
