Marley - When my dad was dying of lung cancer, one night he asked my uncle to help him bathe. My uncle suggested they do it in the morning, and my dad said he didn’t think that would work. That next day he was in a coma. Even then, taking no food or drink, just moistening his lips, he lasted for 5 more days. My dad always said he’d fight to the last breath, and he did.
Keep talking to him, even if you don’t know he can understand you. My father’s vital were better when he was being talked to. Oh, this is strtange, but even when he was totally out of it, my father would tense up when he had to urinate. He was catheterized, but it was a condom-like thing, and somehow my father couldn’t “let go” even though he was in some form of coma. He was much more relaxed after they put in a regular catheter.
You know the funny thing? I hardly say anything to him when I’m in there. I could make small talk, although I’m worried I’d be annoying him. For whatever reason I feel like I said everything to him that I need to say. It’s a good feeling.
I used to sit with my sister and rub her neck and shoulders. I figured she might be a bit tight from being in bed so much. She seemed to like it.
Thank you for posting the pictures. He’s alot how I pictured him. Nice looking and too young. The pictures with your parents were heartbreaking. They just look like good people.
I was wondering if the dogs sense anything. Are they acting different with Tyler? More protective?
I’d say they’re the same. They’re doing their jobs and doing it well. There’s a bed and everybody’s around it or on it, so the dogs are going to be there. It’s where the action is and it makes everyone feel good. They’re both on his bed right now. I don’t think they’re trying to protect him and they’d be pretty useless at it: Jack is big and has a tough bark, but he’s a total softie, and Brodie’s a tired old man who spends almost all of his time on a bed or a couch.
When it’s my time to die, I hope I’m surrounded by my family and friends with a couple dogs on the bed with me. As terrible as it is to see him go, I can’t imagine a better way to do it.
I’m finding myself holding my breath every time I open this thread to see your new posts, Marley. Right now, I’m just thinking about how good it is that your brother is at home, surrounded by people (and dogs) who love him, instead of hooked up to a bunch of crap in an ugly, cold, antiseptic hospital.
Tyler died at around 8:45 last night. The nurses told us in the morning that he was probably not going to last the day, so we spent the whole day in his room, reading to him and playing some of his favorite music. We read two books of poetry Tyler wrote, The Rose in My Garden, and a bunch of others. At one point I arranged his iTunes by most played and went through about 30 of his favorite songs. My girlfriend arrived at 8 and we went through the last few chapters of Elmer and the Dragon, the second book in the Dragons of Blueland series. I was about two pages from the end when I saw his lips were blue. I finished the book and we gathered around him. I think we all had a hand on him and everyone was crying. Jack was on the bed keeping him company. He struggled to breathe for a few minutes and then he was gone.
I went to his room before they took him and told him I loved him and I’d done everything I could, but I wished there was more. I said I’ll always miss him. He was taken out of the house around midnight and it felt very empty. We watched The Big Lebowski with my parents before going to bed. We’re planning on having a memorial in a few weeks, so his friends at college can come. I think it’s going to be at a bowling alley, a la Lebowski. I’ve started picking out some music. It wasn’t Tyler’s idea but I think he would appreciate it and it made my mother and me laugh.
We’ll have a lot of company over tonight. A few are already here, and two of his best friends came over just little while after he died. In a few minutes we’ll be going to see his cremation. He has one of his blankets with him. Not the new one, but one he took to camp every summer and loved very much. I want to thank you all for all the support and kind words you’ve posted during this odyssey. It’s been a very hard four years and there are a lot of hard days and night ahead of us.
I am very sorry, and hope that you and your family, and all who loved him, can share your memories of him, hold him in your hearts, and carry on through each of you who he was. I wish you all strength for the time ahead.
Oh, Marley.
I, too, have been holding my breathe every time I opened this thread. Today I read what I’ve been hoping—foolishly—that I would never read.
I offer my most sincere thoughts and condolences to you and your family. In as much as you know there are difficult times to come, the shape of grief is never what we think it will be, so I wish you gentleness for yourselves through that.
I’m so very sorry, it’s all I can think to say through my sobbing and tears. I never even met him, but I feel like I knew him, through you, somehow, and through wishing and praying for his recovery.
You and your family will be in my prayers, I wish you all peace, and send you love, love, love.
