First of all, who says barbarians don’t shave or cut their hair? The Gauls, for instance, were famous for their spiky hairdos and carefully groomed mustaches.
Second of all, Conan has been to more far-off big cities than just about anyone. He’s one of the most well-travelled men of the Hyborian Age!
Imagine the simplest haircut possible. You take the hair at one point and just cut straight across. You might not even have scissors, just a large knife. Slash right across. You don’t trim off anything else, you don’t even it out, you don’t really style it. Just a couple of straight cuts to keep it from being too long, and then you’re done. What might it look like?
Perhaps, it might be a…
square-cut black mane
Also, don’t forget, in the first actual canonical story (which I linked to in my previous post), he was literally a king. So, possibly he did have someone to cut his hair at that point.
We don’t know what Christ looked like either. The Bible contains no description of him. 2000 years of iconography condition our expectations of what he is depicted like.
Arnold wasn’t quite as swole in the Conan role as at the height of his body building career, and they did work at having him be both skilled and fast with his sword. And remember, Conan was literally described by REH as one of the strongest men of the Hyborian age, so you’d expect large musculature. Hell, he broke the neck of a wild Cimmerian bull before he was a full-grown man.
And of course the one think Arnold nailed perfectly was the barbarous accent.
Is that where you met Conan the Librarian?
Nah. He met Maureen Birnbaum, Barbarian Swordperson
That’s who I thought it was.
It’s all fantasy anyway. IRL makes about as much sense as female bikini armor.
Conan in the books is a polyglot, literate in at least one dead language, knowledgeable about many different cultures, and familiar with the geography of places that lie beyond what’s on most maps. He’s a far cry from Arnold’s portrayal.
Where did the bikini armor originate from anyway? I remember Red Sonja from the comics, but I’m not old enough to know what came before. As far as Conan is concerned, I’m thinking he might have been as big as someone like Charles Atlas. But you’re right, it’s all fantasy.
Arnold’s Conan isn’t portrayed as a dummy either. In addition to the war masters teaching him their deepest secrets, language and writing were also made available - the poetry of Khitai, the philosophy of Sung. All that good stuff. He just preferred to focus mostly on the riddle of steel.
Earle Bergey, king of the brass brassiere. It’s a not uncommon sexual fetish Bergey shared with legions of young male pulp magazine readers.
I seem to recall it being a pulp magazine staple, and I’m not surprised that it started there.
One suspects, though, that it became a fetish precisely because of the many illustrations of women scantily clad in that fashion.
Actually, when Red Sonja first appeared in comics, drawn by Barry Smith, she was actually pretty believable. She wasn’t hyper-busty, she didn’t look as if she came from a beauty parlor, with fresh lipstick and sprayed hair. Most of all, she didn’t look as if she wore a bikini made of silver dollars. She wore a chain mail shirt (with long sleeves, yet), short breeches, and boots.
https://comicvine.gamespot.com/images/1300-828549
Red Sonja wasn’t originally a Conan character. Robert E. Howard had a character of that name in his story “Shadow of the vulture”, set in the 16th century. Roy Thomas, writing the Conan comics, decided to take the basic character and send her back to Conan’s time so he’d have one more strong female character to play off. Actually, Howard wrote about a swordswoman, Red Agnes de Chastillon, who lived in 16th century France, and gave her a believable backstory.
After Barry Windsor-Smith stopped doing the Conan comics, other artists turned Sonja into that male fantasy. Frank Thorne didn’t start this, but he carried on with it, and is probably most identified with the character.