I’ve been there two or three times, and the burger wasn’t ever dry. I don’t know if you and I have different standards for dry burgers, or if you just got a bummer one, but that’s definitely not my experience.
A Jucy Lucy with sauteed mushrooms, bacon, and a bit of Frank’s Red Hot sauce.
Imagine a burger greater than which cannot be conceived…
It’s really all about the meat and the cooking–it should be juicy but not dripping, medium-rare (and if one would err, err towards rare), seasoned with a little bit of garlic salt. How you dress it up past that is up to you.
Gordo’s, in my home town, is pretty good (thought they’ve fancied it all up with bacon and onion com-pote, and they tend to fail miserably on the “juicy but not dripping” part).
If I’m not making it myself, my preferred place is Portillos for their Double Cheeseburger. They also have crinkle-cut fries which is better if you’re dipping in ketchup or mayo; for straight fries I use season salt.
Well, obviously a hamburger that exists is greater than one that does not exist.
Damn, now I’m hungry for an ontological Godburger.
Does anybody else think “Ontological Godburger” would make a great Doper username? 
“You want fries with that ontological Godburger?”
“No. What would be the point?”
Best I ever had was at Bill Knapp’s, a now defunct family restaurant chain out of Michigan.
The patty was hand formed from fresh never-frozen ground beef. The bun was a soft egg bun, buttered and grilled for crispiness. For me it was the Deluxe Steakburger in a Basket, with ketchup, mustard, and mayo-lettuce-tomato. They topped it off with 2 thick onion rings. I would get it medium rare so there was a pocket of hot pink grease in the center that would pour out when you bit into it. The fries were big and thick and not overcooked - I like some of them to be floppy - the burger drippings would fall onto the fries for added flavor.
Mmmmm-mmm!
As long as you don’t say Kraft Singles “imitation cheese product.” That stuff is nasty.
I can remember where I got it, but my favorite burger had a kind of peppery taste, one that I’ve never been able to replicate on my own. I agree with the thick veggies everyone else espouses. I do not agree with mustard. Ketchup and mayonnaise are a great combination, but they tend to overpower what they are put on, so I stick with mayonnaise with a tomato right next to it, with some of it’s juice mixing in with the mayo.
Well, the regular singles that come in the plastic wrap are “pasteurized prepared cheese product,” so I assume that’s what Carmady is talking about. And, I’ll be honest, I like those on burgers, although the deli style Kraft products I like better, as they’re a bit more “cheesy” while still retaining great meltability, and are labeled as “pasteurized process American cheese.” The deli product I’ve been surprisingly impressed with lately is Land O’ Lakes 4-cheese Italian blend. It’s in the deli case, along with the blocks of orange and yellow American cheese. It’s got that melty texture of process cheese, but a reasonable amount of flavor and “bite” to it, flavorwise. This is the stuff. For a process cheese, it’s surprisingly flavorful. One of these days I intend to make mac & cheese out of it, but I only stumbled upon it a couple week ago.
Yeah, actually, so far as ‘cheese product’ goes, the Kraft Singles are pretty good. I’m not so crazy about the Velveeta slices, though.
Perfect Burger for me is any good quality Aussie fish and chip shop burger with the lot.
Decent sized burger patty cooked through but short of well done.
Plain bun, toasted on both sides and buttered on the inside.
From the bottom up,
Burger patty
fried onion
bacon
Tomato sauce
slice of cheese (kraft single)
fried egg
chopped iceberg lettuce
tomato
beetroot