Detroit Auto Show-Stupid Innovations in Cars!



My mom used to have a Toyota Sienna minivan with automatic sliding doors that could be opened or closed by remote.

I’m all in favor of self-closing doors on cars. When they’re hit in a high-speed side-impact collision, the motors in the door mechanism make the most wonderful sound, like the high-pitched shriek of a woman at the height of sexual climax, and the steel rails split open like parting labia. It’s enough to make you shoot globes of hot semen all over the moulded instrument binnacle.

The Volkswagen Passat has storage compartments in the doors for wet umbrellas.

The Rolls Royce Phantom (RR is a subsidiary of VW)has them too, as well as heat and fans inside to assist drying, and presumably higher quality umbrellas, in each door. You’re certainly not just paying for the badge here.

JGB, is that you?

But what am I talking about? RR is, of course, a subsidiary of BMW, not VW.