Check the sheriff’s blotter. Were there any reports of someone who looked like you or wearing a similar costume free climbing a local structure? If so, kick your friend’s ass who dared you to do such a crazy stunt. And congratulations on your drunken rock climbing skills.
You know those creepy little eyelash mites they show on The Discovery Channel every once in a while? The ones that live on dead skin at the base of the eyelashes and can only be seen with an electron microscope?
You don’t think that’s the only thing living on your skin do you?
try exposing them to rubbing alcohol, mouthwash, aftershave or a saltwater solution. Burn like the dickens? Then you have cuts whether you can see them or not
Would squeezing lemons over shrimp count? 'Cause I did that last night, and no problem.
The little one wasn’t so lucky, though. She does have a scrape on her hand, and I totally forgot about it when she asked to squeeze lemons with me! Poor poppet.
Have you been clawing out of a grave for Halloween?
Well, it doesn’t sound like you have either Osler nodes or Janeway lesions, so endocarditis is unlikely, at least.
You’re gonna die, though.
I guarantee it.
Ooh! Now I get to google new and fun diseases! It’s like an early birthday present! 
ETA: Harrumph! Osler’s nodes are also found in lupus. Dr. Mercotan, it’s NEVER lupus!
It’s just a flesh wound.
You reminded me----I was in a doctor’s waiting room today and I picked up an Outdoor Life magazine. In that magazine was a half page ad from some spa somewhere in Virginia; if one wants a pedicure, one gets to put one’s feet into a tank full of water that contains some kind of vegetarian fish that will eat dead skin. So, the dead skin on your little feet gets chewed off by these fish. Fifty bucks for a half-hour session.
I just had to tell about this.
No way I’d pay fifty bucks to be chum! I can sit on the edge of my koi pond and have my pet fish feast on my flesh for free.
Did you make sure, the last time you clipped your nails, that nothing fell under the nail?
Meh. Tell that to my patients with lupus.
But not if they’ve got a shank, or it’ll be off to the trauma center for you.
Side note: The Health Dept shut down the one place in state who was doing this fish tub thing on grounds that they couldn’t guarantee the fish were clean in between clients. After all, you can’t autoclave or bleach the fish, can you?
The fish prefer you don’t.
Anyway, my diagnosis Sleep Learning How to Play Guitar. It’s not quite as problematic as Sleep Learning How to Play Tuba.
And it’s a huge step above Sleep Learning How to Play Rusty Trombone.
I don’t exactly think the pain would be localized to the fingers in that case.
I’m going to predict you are at the onset of a Herpes Zoster outbreak.
Either that, or you are experiencing some early symptoms of Alcholohic Neuropathy.
IANAD, don’t even know which side my Liver is on.
[Groucho Marx] And neither does it, for that matter![/Groucho Marx]
Were you eating peanuts with your beer, WhyNot? Shucking nuts will give you sore fingers.
…am I the only one wanting to see a cage match between Dr. Gregory House and Dr. Qadgop the Mercotan now?
Just me? Okay. whistles off
Or even any salty snack that you might have been digging into. You might have jerked your tips.