Dialog in LotR (not realistic)

Cafe Society
1

In my other thread re: Tolkien literary criticism there are remarks that the dialog is not realistic.

In this just-for-fun thread, let’s re-write the professor with updated dialog. I’ll start:

[QUOTE=Professor Tolkien]

Behold Tol Brandir! Upon the left stands Amon Lhaw, and upon the right is Amon Hen, the Hills of Hearing and of Sight.

[/QUOTE]

[Updated for modern audiences]
Hey, dudes! Check out those three little mountains right on the river!
[/updated]

2

Original: “But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him.”

Updated: “Yo – check out these knockers!”