My brother is 15 years younger than I am. This summer, he turns 16. :eek:
Last year, he visited Europe with our parents and met, among others, some distant relatives of ours in Austria.
This year, that family has invited him back. Alone! What luck! And our parents have said he can go! WOW!
I would never have been allowed, I bet, if the same thing happened when I was 16. But I digress.
I don’t live at home anymore, and I frequently communicate with the family through AOL Instant Messenger. So I decided to bestow a little brotherly advice, since I’m so worldly and all. (And also because he sees me as a teeny bit cooler than the parents.)
Now, bear in mind he’s 16 and going to Europe alone. He’ll be under some sort of supervision while there, but it’s not the same as having the parents there. So what I told him was that he should have as much fun as he possibly can, since the chance to go there rarely comes up (and sans parentals, no less). However, I cautioned, he should not do anything that hurts himself or other people. I told him to consider the risks of everything. I said to him that he may do things that mom and dad might not approve of, but that’s part of growing up. He should not, I said, do something if the parents will find out. He should, however, do that something if it won’t hurt him or others AND he doesn’t run the risk of being found out. I know, that sounds like I’m encouraging him to do bad things, but IMHO parents are usually overprotective, especially if their kid is on a continent different from theirs. After all, there will be things that aren’t terrible for him to do that they’d never let him do, simply by virtue of him being their child and not a “grownup.”
I say that since he’ll be under supervision but will be apart from his parents, he’ll have to learn to use good judgment on his own. To that end, I told him that if he runs into ANY problem whatsoever that our relatives over there cannot help him with (or don’t know about it) but that he cannot tell to the folks back here, he is to contact me. I don’t know what kinda things he could do that would fall into this category, and he might not contact me anyway (he can call or email; they do have email at the house he’ll be at!). But I wanted him to know that if something does happen, he doesn’t have to shamefacedly 'fess up to the parents immediately; if it would be easier, he can contact me, and I’ll deal with the situation then. Dealing with the situation might indeed entail calling the parents, but even if it does, I still act as a buffer. And I think that can be very important when you’re 16. Few kids want to admit their parents exist at 16, and fewer still want to admit they need their parents at 16.
So, have I done wrong? Am I doing him a disservice or a service? Should I not offer to help? Should I tell him to call home no matter what? Again, I am not telling him that he should go over there and act with reckless abandon. I want him to be responsible for his actions. I want him to know that he is there as a guest. I am not telling him to misbehave and then call me, and I’ll sort it out. But we all need help in a pinch, and when you come down to it, he is a 16-year-old in a new world. He might need help, and if he feels more comfortable contacting me instead of his uncool parents, so be it. I want to be there to help.
Thoughts?
Thanks again.
