Did the Groom of the Stool literally have to wipe the royal bum?

Factual Questions
1

The Groom of the Stool was known to be the King’s bathroom attendant back in the day; say, King Henry VIII’s time.

As it’s said, being that close to the king gave the person direct access to secrets and insider knowledge, thus making the person immensely powerful.

And, so, being Groom of the Stool was quite prestigious.

But what exactly did the job entail?

The unspoken implication is that this job was to literally wipe shit off the King’s ass. Nasty.

Is this true? Or was it more a situation that they would be in charge of bringing the king the necessary towels and water so the king can clean his own arse? Or schlep around his portable toilet whenever he traveled?

Or maybe the entire defecation thing was more metaphorical, and what the Groom really did was keep track of his diet and bowel movements (ostensibly, a personal physician).

I did come across one story of what these guys did

But, again, that strikes me as ambiguous. Was he responsible for charting and documenting the king’s poop, or was he actively involved in the physical acts of his bum?

And, if it’s the latter, was there some sort of attitude that, because this was the king, it wasn’t supposed to be gross? Or that the grossness was worth it because you got to see the royal anus, thereby gaining envy amongst the masses?

My 21st century mind can’t grok the logic behind the role. Help me understand. Thanks to all who reply.

2

I think anyone with a baby or dog can probably answer this aspect of it.

3

More to the point, a parent, spouse, etc. that cannot take care of themselves.

4

Disposing of the monarch’s wastes in a safe and secure manner was intended to prevent witches/wizards getting hold of them for homeopathic magic [the belief that substances once intimately associated with a person can continue to exert an influence on them at a distance]

5

For all such situations, there is usually some familial connection. Did the Groom become like one of the family? And does that mean he hung out with the King during other times, too?

And why would the king need such a thing? I mean, I get it when Henry VIII got old, fat, and sickly, but what of those sovereigns who were still spry?

For real?! Oh, wow. What would they do with it? Bury it? Burn it? Keep it in the closet?

6

A ‘close stool’ is what you shit into.

7

The only evidence I have is an episode of the British panel show “QI” (which stands for “Quite Interesting”), where they confirmed that the Groom(s) of the Stool did indeed wipe the king’s bum, possibly along with other related duties (i.e. disposal of the royal efflux). They are manifestly not infallible, but they do pride themselves on having the, you might say, straight dope.

This makes me wonder if QEI had ladies of the stool to serve the same function for her.

8

There is one direct account of what was involved. In his autobiography, the 2nd Earl of Ailesbury recalled the final time he attended on Charles II as one of the Gentlemen of the Bedchamber. In the absence of the Groom of the Stool, the Gentleman of the Bedchamber performed the Groom’s duties. Ailesbury mentions that he and the Groom of the Bedchamber were with the King when he went to the close stool. Ailesbury held the candle, while the Groom of the Bedchamber had handed the King the paper. Although the syntax isn’t entirely clear, Ailesbury seems to suggest that this was just because the King wanted company. Also, his account of the events of the following morning implies that Charles then went to the close stool alone.

#162 - Memoirs of Thomas, earl of Ailesbury / written by … v.1. - Full View | HathiTrust Digital Library

Even without this evidence, one would probably guess that it varied depending on each monarch’s personal preferences.

9

The relevant Wikipedia article says, “The office was exclusively one serving male monarchs, so on the accession of Elizabeth I of England in 1558, it was replaced by the First Lady of the Bedchamber, first held by Kat Ashley. The office effectively came to an end when it was “neutralised” in 1559.”

10

See, that makes more sense to me.

Groom, in the sense of a bridegroom, is a sort of servant. I can imagine the groom of the stool began as somebody in charge of that close stool (remember that Kings traveled the land for much of the year, so he probably brought his velvet toilet with him), including giving the king the needed toilet paper, and disposing of the contents. Since they’d know pretty well how the King was feeling physically, the groom would quickly become a confidant.

But I’m also guessing that, absent some physical limitation, even Kings wiped their own ass.

11

I’ve seen a period drawing/cartoon that I cannot now locate on the internet. It depicted a courtier, standing stiffly as the king was on his commode. In each hand he held a small white cylinder that was presumably the prepared soft stuff that the royal butt was wiped with. You can’t tell from the drawing i8f he simply handed the king the roll, or if he applied it himself. I suspect the latter, if he took it that far. But possibly the king preferred his own touch.

The cylindrical white wipers remind me of what was said to be the most comfortable and effective wiping material in Rabelais’ Gargantua and Pantagruel – the necks of swans.

12

I thought it was the neck of a goose.

13

Care providers for the elderly or disabled have to do this. Of course they now have rubber gloves, running water and other sanitation - along with knowledge of diseases.

“Groom of the Stool”? Hopefully it pays better than “Piss Boy”

Count de Monet: Your majesty, you look like the piss-boy!
*King Louis XVI" And you look like a bucket of shit!

  • Mel Brooks, History of the World Part I
14

It’s gotta be contender for worst job in the world, right up there with “sample opener” at Cologuard.

15

ISTR that, through the end of Hirohito’s reign, Japanese emperors had a courtier who examined his bowel movements every day to read the auguries or portents or whatever. Akihito ended the custom.

16

I guess they weren’t very good at the job if they didn’t see that coming.

There is a brief scene in The Last Emperor when as a child and confined to The Forbidden City, the eunuchs examine the emperor’s stool. At least, I assume that’s what they were doing.

17

Clap! Clap! Wipers!

18

I assume everyone has read the stories relating how when Vladimir Putin/[whoever] travels he always uses a close stool and whichever bodyguards are on shit detail are responsible for securely collecting and disposing of his reliquiae: cannot risk anyone getting hold of his DNA or anything revealing his health or physical condition.

19

It has happened to members of ABBA, as recorded in this documentary, so no surprise that Putin would be worried sick.

20

This was done to Asad, the dictator of Syria, by the Israeli spy agency Mosad in 2000. They collected a urine sample from a private toilet.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://davidmweinberg.com/2000/01/23/assads-specimen/&ved=2ahUKEwidkLW94eCKAxVl6wIHHaWQDecQFnoECBYQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1z9ZQnhGrAJfbsGJL5Fy2r