I’m white, I didn’t ‘get it’ until I started to think about privilege and racism not as overt, single incidents but as very subtle, all-pervasive societal attitudes.
Setting aside the obviously racist/sexist/etc. jerks, there are still subtle but real pressures in our culture to treat people differently depending on certain characteristics. There’s a study showing that women who negotiate for a higher salary are on average seen as ‘less nice’ and ‘overly aggressive’, whereas men who negotiate for a higher salary don’t get seen as better or worse. Interestingly, when the woman negotiates strongly on someone else’s behalf, she’s not penalized for it. cite I don’t have examples of other types of unconscious prejudice handy, but stuff like this is pretty common in America and I would assume in all of the first world.
This is all on the average. No one particular person is trying to do this, in fact if you ask people most of them will say they’re trying to work against it. It still happens, probably subconsciously for most people. The only thing to do about it is to be aware of it, acknowledge it, and then watch your own actions like a hawk. Even if everyone were perfectly aware of all of it tomorrow, it wouldn’t change quickly. It’s something that will take a few generations of discussion to change, I think.
I will say that I suspect socioeconomic class makes a much bigger difference in America right now than skin color does, at least where I’m from. Someone who has dark skin and dresses professionally will probably get better service in a restaurant than someone who has light skin and dresses and talks ‘ghetto’. Unfortunately socioeconomic classes tend to be split on racial lines right now, so in practice it doesn’t make a lot of difference.