I never said they did. Custody arrangement should be defaulted to whatever the best interests of the child are. In some instances that will be 50-50. But the parent’s outlook and rights in this aren’t really relevant.
We are in agreement then. You already stated that it currently ISN’T what is in effect now. So, you like me, would rather have the judge assign custody based upon the child’s best interest rather than default to the Mother unless proven otherwise.
Which is completely different to defaulting to 50-50.
50-50 physical custody is rarely going to be in the best interests of the child. Should they have two schools? Dad gets the boys and mom gets the girls? Usually the best arrangement is all school days with one parent.
And what if they don’t move schools? You are justifying the status quo, where it is inherently unfair.
Ok, what do you propose the baseline should be?
There isn’t a numerical baseline. It’s the best interests of the child, which is a case specific factor.
If they don’t move schools, then that is the exception. It is unrealistic to expect most divorced couples to stay living in the same school district. Every situation is different, but usually it will be better for the kids to stay in one house for school. I am personally against gender bias in custody arguments, but I don’t see how fairness to the parents should trump well being of the children. I also don’t see how 50/50 physical custody would be practical unless the divorced spouses stay living close together.
Haha, ok, so the baseline for ‘default’ position should be 50-50 and the judge can redefine that line later as he the child’s best interest comes into play.
We are going in circles. If you default on the side of the Mother or the Father then you have a problem.
Staying in the same school district was actually a decreed agreement.
If the case was looked at on a case by case study we wouldn’t be having this discussion. I understand what you mean but the facts remain that this isn’t the default status of the courts today.
If my wife and I split that would not be an option as we could not afford two dwellings in this district. I guess we could both move to a cheaper area, but that would mean moving the kids to a new school.
Splitting 50/50 with an agreement to stay in the same district makes sense, but I suspect is not normal.
Look, if I was writing custody policy I would not have a baseline, but rather priorities. Of the top of my head it could go something like this:
- Child(ren)'s physical well being
- Child(ren)'s family stability
- Child(ren)'s academic stability
- Fairness to parents
You so aren’t getting it. You are saying the current default situation is wrong, so let’s replace it with another default situation which also ignores the relevant factor.
Your arguments for “50:50” over maternal physical custody have all seemingly been based on arguments about fairness to the father. That’s not the relevant consideration. If you can show me that in the significant majority of cases “50:50” is in the best interests of the child, then maybe you can claim that should be the default. But isn’t it easier to just say the default should be whatever in that given situation is best for the child?
I won’t say that you aren’t getting it. Instead I’ll say that if the default position was a 50-50 agreement then the State would HAVE to look at both possible cases instead of falling back upon the already default position of the Mother as physical custody holder.
As to the research done, this is a highly volatile subject and I honestly have yet to find unbiased results. What is pretty much agreed upon is that ‘joint custody’ is the best for the child.
OK. So you just don’t understand what a default position is. At least I know where we stand now.
The default position in this case Villa would be found out if the courts could NOT make a determination one way or the other. Then joint physical custody would be awarded. As it stands now, the ‘default’ position is that the Mother gets the residential rights. Maybe it isn’t me misunderstanding what the default position is?
If both parents can agree on 50/50 physical custody, then there’s no reason for the courts to say otherwise. The court typically is only involved when the parents can’t agree.
Those weren’t my terms. My terms were X number of years, no provision for stopping when I got remarried, and we didn’t even have children.
That’s what we negotiated. Since my ex didn’t show up to the hearing, and my requests were reasonable, I got what I asked for.
(I got remarried, he stopped paying, and I let the whole thing drop. It wasn’t much money and the rationale for it - that I needed help paying the debts he left behind - had gone as I’d paid them off early).
I know kids who live like that - 50-50 physical custody. It isn’t really good for anyone. Generally its a week at Moms and then a week at Dads. Mom and Dad pretty much need to live in the same school district. It gets nasty when little Austin spends an ENTIRE WEEKEND in sleepovers and birthday parties - because the kid gets a life of his own pretty fast - and what part of the 50-50 is the kid left with. Also, its really expensive for “middle class” parents to maintain houses large enough to house children - but only house those children half time. Everyone makes sacrifices and no one ends up happy. Communication tends to be pretty lousy. It seems to last a while until one parent or the other throws in the towel, tells the kids they love them very much, but it would be better for everyone if there was one home address for the kids.
It does happen, but it isn’t a situation that I’d want for my kids if I got divorced.
My ex and I share 50/50 physical custody of our son, and have for the last 9 years since he was in 1st grade. We almost switch every other night, as that is what my son wanted. We have not lived in the same school district since we separated and divorced. We have made it work, because that’s what is in the best interest of my son. Yes as he got older, sleep-overs at friends houses, etc. cut into the time we had with him, but it pretty much evens out over time. My ex have not always gotten along with each other, but we both love our son, and do what is best for him.
I would expect that most people that fight against 50/50 physical custody do so more out of resentment toward their ex than what they believe is in the best interest of the kid. Or the believe that the constant shuffling back and forth is too much of a hassle. You just have to work at it and make sacrifices for your kids.