I’m a 36-year-old female and have never had a schedule. Or even many goals, for that matter. But that’s probably largely because I have never wanted to have children or felt like I needed to be married, and therefore have been able to pretty much ignore my biological clock. Which is how I can be my age and in a committed relationship but with no plans to marry in the near future, and be perfectly happy about it.
Aside from general things like “I’d like to find a career that I enjoy” and “Someday I’d like to make more than $30k/year” (both of which I’ve accomplished), the only goal I’ve ever had is to get my master’s degree. But I never had a schedule: it just happened that the perfect opportunity to start grad school presented itself a few years ago (I’ll be graduating in May, pending completion of my thesis).
I’ve never been able to answer those “where do you see yourself in x years” questions. Who the hell knows? And who would want to know? These days, my only serious answer is “hopefully still with this boyfriend.”
I had a schedule as a kid.
graduate college,
get a PhD,
get a job as a scientist working in a lab doing “science” stuff,
house,
family,
death.
That lasted until mid-high school years. Then it changed to:
get a good paying job,
family,
buy a house by the time I’m 30,
retire at 60 with no house payment,
death
Now I am 29 and the new schedule is:
get married someday,
buy a house someday,
death
I’m pretty happy with how my life is now but having a SO to cuddle with on rainy days in a home I will own someday would be the cherries on top.
I do five year plans, fully cognizant of the irony in that name. Starting when I graduated High School.
Start Plan - Year the Goal was Accomplished
1987 Get married, get my husband through school - 1990
1990 get through college myself - 1995
1995 get settled in a new area with a real job in my career - 1996
2000 Get pregnant - 2002
2005 pay off student loans and pay down debt and buy a house - 2008
2010 ?
Yup. Finish undergrad degree (next year), get a master’s degree by the time I’m 24, be firmly established and building a reputation in a career by 27, student debt paid off by 31. There are a few other goals in there.
Please note that part of my reason for having this is to help avoid the family/kids thing.
I did, at one point. Then I turned 25 and realised that despite all my plans I wasn’t married and didn’t have a respectable career on par with my overachieving family.
I had a mild crisis over the whole thing, until a friend set me straight by asking me if I’d be any happier if I did have those things… turns out, I’m pretty sure that I’d be less happy, if anything - I’m not a workaholic, by any means, and the boy I was dating at 25 was the furthest thing from marriage material I can think of.
I’m turning 30 in a few months, and I’m quite comfortable with the fact that I’m still not married and I still don’t have an impressive job title. I do have a job that I like and that leaves me enough spare time to do the things I love, and I’ve built a home with a wonderful guy that I plan on keeping around for the rest of my life, even though it’s never been made official… turns out that’s the way I like it.
My sister often says that she’ll have a baby before she’s 30, even if she doesn’t meet the right guy by then. I hope she’ll grow out of it the same way I grew out of my plans… but she seems dead-set on it.
I finished my academic schedule/career schedule right on time, but I honestly thought I would be married by now.
I don’t know what I could have done differently. I am definitely not one of those “have it all” power-professional women who work 80 hours a week. But I found it very difficult to maintain a relationship in law school (mine was remote, even worse) after my engagement ended, and I’m not entirely certain that I would change where I am right now, which is very financially stable, upwardly mobile and independent. Those are all the direct consequences of pursuing education. Unfortunately, these are also the same factors that generally incline people (including yours truly) to become picky about their partners.
Then again, after reading thread after thread about soul sucking marriages on this board, sometimes it feels better to be alone. At least I only have to deal with my shit, not have someone else’s crap dumped on my head.
Sort of. I want to buy a house before getting married, and marry before having kids, and I hope the kids part comes before “risky pregnancy” age (through 35?). So far I’m pretty much on the right track.
I didn’t have any life goals until I was 28, when I decided to go to college full-time. I mapped out how I would get my undergrad and doctorate education in 10 years and a tenure-track professor position right out of grad school; I accomplished all of this.
I just kinda knocked around and made enough money to barely live (and drink) on between high school and age 28. Life kinda happened to me, which was how I was raised. However, some kind of driving force took me over in my late 20s and turned me into a very ambitious and goal-oriented person. I’m now considering a second Ph.D. (albeit achieved part-time).
