I don’t pay much attention to the news anymore and I think I’m much better off for it. Last night, my wife kicked me out of bed (for yawning too much, if you can believe that) and I slept on the couch with the TV on. I woke up to find that someone had stabbed a cat and the CBS morning show (I don’t know what it’s called) was going to have the cat on at 7.
Who gives a fuck that a cat got stabbed?
Who wants to see the fucking cat?
If you answer “I do” to either of these questions, you are part of the problem.
I remember once about twenty years ago when I learned some useful information on the news. I was hearing strange sounds out my window, and when I looked I could see a couple of helicopters buzzing around, and strange flickering lights on the walls of the buildings. I lived on the sixth floor, but the commotion was several blocks away so I couldn’t see down into the street, I could only see the upper stories of the buildings along the street.
So I turned on the tube to find there’s a riot ongoing. The flickering lights were a couple of convenience stores and a few cars, which were burning.
The next night the rioting spread right past my door front. I love the smell of tear gas in the morning. It smells like victory too.
I record about 9 hours of NPR over the weekend and listen to it in my car over the following week. Consequently, I get my news as follows:
[ul][li]I usually hear the 11:00 a.m. Saturday news break (beginning of Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me) sometime on Tuesday.[/li][li]I usually hear the 8:40 (or maybe it’s 9:40) a.m. Sunday news break (just before the Weekend Edition Sunday Puzzle) sometime on Wednesday[/li][li]Assuming I get to it, I usually hear the 9:00 p.m., 10:00 p.m., and 11:00 p.m. Saturday news breaks (beginning of each hour of World Cafe) sometime Friday or Saturday[/ul][/li]
And of course, whatever news of last week they make fun of on Wait Wait.