I need advice on dating. I think that I have always had a problem getting dates with men because of my intellect. Either the guys are turned off (or at least, not turned on) by it, or I myself am bored or put off by the way I am approached. Or, guys make friends with me because I can offer them advice and understanding, and they never want the relationship to go further.
Girlfriends have suggested that I try to be a little less intellectual, at least until guys get the know me better.
I’m not a man, but don’t “play dumb” in order to get guys interested in you. You obviously need an intellectual challenge to interest you in a guy, so catching, as it were, a guy who thinks you are less intelligent than you are will leave you ultimately bored.
In all things, be yourself. You will attract someone who is attracted to what you are, not what you pretend to be.
I much, much, much prefer smart women- not only for the conversation, and the intellectual challenge, but also because smart women tend to be… more adventurous… in bed.
For the record, I have never desired to become stupid to attract me. I’m pretty stubborn about that. And I’m not the type that likes to beat people over the head with how smart I am. But I have not had much dating success, either, which has made me wonder. And a few men have complained that I “ask too many questions” or that I analyze things too much.
For the record, I have never desired to become stupid to attract men. I’m pretty stubborn about that. And I’m not the type that likes to beat people over the head with how smart I am. But I have not had much dating success, either, which has made me wonder. And a few men have complained that I “ask too many questions” or that I analyze things too much.
I’m neither a guy either, nor do I have an impressive track record when it comes to relationships, so you can take this with a grain of salt … but if your personality doesn’t mesh with any given guy’s, isn’t it better to find out right away than after weeks or months of pretending to be someone else?
Well, brainychick, to throw a wrench into it for ya, “asking too many questions” and “overanalyzing” could be separate issues from intellect.
For example, if you’re on a first date with a guy who mentions that he’s late because he just came from a doctor’s appointment, and you start giving him the inquisition about his stool sample, well… that might be a bit much.
Or if a guy says, “You look amazing tonight,” and you wonder if that means that you didn’t look good the last time you went out (since he didn’t mention it), or if perhaps he has some weird sort of foot fetish since you’re wearing sandals on this date whereas you wore loafers on the last date, well… again, too much.
I’m guessing, of course, that you’re perfectly charming and that your questions do not reach beyond the realm of propriety, but you know what? Even if they don’t, you gotta be who you are. If you like talking shit (literally) on a first date, then by golly, you talk shit, and if the fella doesn’t like it, ram your sandaled foot right into his dumb ass.
Well, I’m in college, and when new people meet, they generally ask each other three questions. What’s your name? What year are you? What’s your major? Well, when I answer that last one with “I’m an engineer,” a lot of the guys get scared away mighty quick. But if they are scared away, I figure I didn’t want to date them, anyway.
I’m picky, though. I refuse to date dumb guys. That doesn’t mean they have to have book smarts. Though I’ve made it work with a guy who’s just so sure of himself that he doesn’t care that I’m probably smarter than him.
I’m definitely attracted to intelligence, but it needs to be practical intelligence. I know one girl who is extremely “book smart”, but is incapable of checking the pressure in her tires, or explaining a computer problem in a coherent fashion. It drives me nuts.
I’m tempted to do things like this, but have learned to resist the temptation.
Or if a guy says, “You look amazing tonight,” and you wonder if that means that you didn’t look good the last time you went out (since he didn’t mention it), or if perhaps he has some weird sort of foot fetish since you’re wearing sandals on this date whereas you wore loafers on the last date, well… again, too much. **
[/QUOTE]
This sort of thing would drive me nuts if someone did it to me, which is how I grew out of that particular neurosis.
Anyhoo, I basically enjoy my life, and I’m certain that I’ll be okay whether I’m with a guy or not. And I would much rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t like me for who I am. It just gets lonely sometimes…
