In your opinion, is it possible for people to change their personalities in any meaningful way? Have you ever seen an example of this actually occurring??
I happen to know a couple of people that I grew up with, and, from what I’ve seen, their personalities today are essentially identical to what they were when they were very young. Has this been your experience?
Thanks.
I like this question!
I love change and constantly try to change my personality. I am too blunt, too curt, and probably have other problems with my current one.
I don’t know of anybody that has sucessfully changed their personality. Other than a superficial one when they become born again.
I like to think that I have changed quite a bit. I am more confident, the things I enjoy are different than they were 5 years ago, but I think my basic personality is still the same. The foundation underlying all the pretty renovations has not been altered in any signifigant way. Mabey a coating of new paint is all.
I personally think it is possible to change who you are. I think it takes a lot of time, or a serious life altering event. Near death experience or something else especially signifigant. Now, whether I think this because I WANT to belive it is another question entirely. 
Sureal - Yes, people can and do change. Some stay the same, and still others change all the time…Personality is something that is fluid, whether you want to believe that or not, personalities always change. However, if we are talking about someone who is a terse person and they want to change their ways to become a kinder individual…then I agree that is a situation where the individual is going to have to do some work…But the answer to your Question is, yes…people can change and it does happen…
Well according to the movie Waking Life most people completely reinvent themselves every seven years aka they wouldn’t agree with or recognize themselves from seven years back(based on personalities not looks).
Thinking about it it may actually be true. Me from seven years back and me now would have a LOT to argue about as far as how we view this world and treat others.
I’d say most of my opinions have undergone tremendous changes over the course of my life, but the bedrock who-I-am has remained the same. And from what I can tell, the leopards don’t change their spots.
It depends (how’s that for a definitive opinion!)
I’ve seen happy, upbeat people become bitter and angry after a long series of catastrophies. I’ve certainly seen individuals improve their people-skills. I’ve even seen notoriously irresponsible people become fine parents.
On the other hand, I think a truly shy person will never get over that, although they may learn how act more like a people-person. I think someone who has learned to get their way through lying and manipulation will continue, even after occassionally getting caught at it. And I think some instinctual qualities, like physical bravery vs. timidity, are probably hard-wired into an individual.
I think that deep, deep down people will always be who they really are. But outwardly, they can change, thanks to maturity, a catastrophic life event, &tc. My sister went from being a very selfish, bratty person to being someone who is actually thoughtful and generous, for instance, because she grew up a bit. However, someone who cheats in a relationship will always be a cheater; someone who is honest will generally always be honest. So the answer to your question would depend on exactly what type of change you mean.
I think people change a lot; although their basic underlying personality may remain the same, the way they interact with other people, react to events, and that sort of thing changes radically. I am in no way the person I was at 18, I assure you. People mature, or get bitter, or have life-changing experiences, or even become elderly and change like that. People get the mean worn out of them, sometimes. People change a lot, but some people never do.
The only thing that’s definately true and rigid is that you can’t change anybody else. (Yes, ladies, I’m talking to you.) That one took me years and years to learn.
I don’t think I’d even recognize the me of 12 years ago, when I was 18. While my basic, underlying morals and ethics haven’t changed, I’m not the same person I was then. I came to that conclusion a few years ago, and that’s what made me let go of the hate and/or dislike I felt toward some of my former high school classmates. If I could change, so could they, and I knew that if I ever met them again, they deserved a second chance.
A few years ago, I was chatting online with a former classmate that I wasn’t really friends with in school. I happened to mention how much I loved playing D&D, which she played back then. She said something I still remember to this day: “You’re definitely not the same person you were in school.” I was too scared to ask her what she meant, because I suspected it wasn’t a flattering assessment of myself in high school.
So anyway, the point of all that rambling is that yes, people do change all the time.
[aside]Surreal, you always ask the most interesting questions.[/aside]
I was brought up hearing the mantra “children should be seen and not heard” so I didn’t talk a lot when I was younger. I was picked on and bullied at school for being a foreigner (Irish living in Scotland), so I became very withdrawn and “shy” around people. I moved to Ireland from Scotland about 12 years ago, and bout 8 years ago a friend of mine from Scotland came over for a visit. Now I’d met this friend when I was in my early 20’s, and I’d have said by that stage of the game I’d have been “set in my ways”, after she’d been here a few days my friend looked at me [somewhat harshly, I thought] and snapped “you’re not the same as you used to be!”. I asked what she meant, she said I was far too outgoing now 
So apparently I changed …
Bad news kunilou, bad news.
I totally agree with everything said here.
I think it’s an individual thing depending on ones life experience. Some people grow and change sometimes for the better sometimes not, then there are others who don’t change at all.
My behaviour, thinking, attitude and personality have all gone through many changes throughout my life but the core of who I am is certainly still the same.
I know I have changed somewhat from what my past personality has reflected. I used to be so shy that people assumed I was stuck up, when in actuality it was because of low self-esteem. I continue to suffer from that (though only God knows why), but I have learned to overcome it to some extent.
This statement by jeevwomen disturbs me alot: “However, someone who cheats in a relationship will always be a cheater; someone who is honest will generally always be honest.” I am currently very emotionally involved with a person who has a reputation of cheating and that, coupled with my low self-esteem, has had a terrible impact on the relationship. I am taking a workshop to try and overcome my problem, and I am also taking antidepressant meds, but all I can do is hope…
I not only think they DO, but I also think some change is essential. A story:
My best friend in college (the first time!) and I were a lot alike. Very bitter and angry, lots of drama and angst, depression, very negative outlooks, the whole nine yards. Like I said, we were best friends. Drank beer and bitched together, snarked about the same people, an enemy of one became an enemy of both, etc.
However, I dropped out, moved and started working/going to school/working/basically being on my own, while my friend continued in school, stayed living with his parents, went to grad school, etc. It’s been 3 years and he hasn’t changed a bit.
I have, though. I haven’t quit HATING my parents, I just realized everyone hates their parents and cut the one that really pissed me off out of my life and keep the other at arm’s reach. It’s amazing what 800 miles and email-only communication will do to make a person less irritating. I’ve gotten rid of my darker outlook, not so bitter anymore, not angsty at all, etc.
And, frankly, now he’s kind of obnoxious to talk to. I think hating your parents and being miserable about it is fine in your late teens and even into your 20s some, but at 23, you need to be able to tell your parents to fuck off if they bother you that much. After my time in the working world, I don’t really care about the inter-class drama that comes from going to a pretty small cool, since I’m very much a “Put in my 8 hours and go home”-er. And I enjoyed wallowing in angst for a while, but there’s just a time when you have to let it go. Whining about the terribleness of the world when you’re 19 and really can’t do much about it is one, but whining about it when you’re a college-educated 23 that could do quite a few things about it is another. I feel kinda bad talking this way about him, but at the same time…damn he’s obnoxious. Which isn’t to say I wasn’t/am not.
I think growth and change is often an essential part of a healthy emotional life, I guess.
My opinion is that a person’s personality never changes unless something really big happens to them or something really tragic…so the same personality you have when your 10 years old is the same one you will have at 20 years old the only thing that would change is you would have some maturity to add to the personality.
I’m building off this quote because it encompasses so many of the elements already stated. (Thanks, START; saved me all that typing!)
Not to start another Meyer-Briggs brouhaha but one of the few insights I got out from repeated tests over time was the distinction about perferences in personality. I think some traits–which,I dunno–are hardwired while many others go back to upbringing. Whatever the root cause, all of ‘em can be substantially modified by time and experience. IMO most traits are habit, preferred because they feel “natural”, but they aren’t the final definition of a person.
I’ll probably always be shy in the sense that I’m most comfortable inside my own head. My dad was the same way but we both learned to "pass’, and after a while even enjoy the hurly burly of intense social stuff. When stressed, ill or very tired I’ll probably always revert to my preference for solitude but that isn’t nearly as limiting as it once was.
I think people can suffer “soul quakes”, things that forcibly rip apart internal filters. Two friends have substantially changed personality, while somehow making it all fit. Both were quick-tempered, fiery, impulsive. One mellowed over time but her fire and flash just smoothed out; it’s still there, just refocused. The other really went through hell and got wrenched into a totally different path. His serenity really is new, in a different form.
Sorry, this is long and probably incoherent. But yes, I do believe–know–people can change. People who don’t probably aren’t paying attention.
Veb