I ask because I often walk through an old cemetary where I live…and it seems to me that many grave are rarely visited, if at all. On Memorial day, the local VFW places flags on the veteran’s graves, and some other people decorate their relative’s graves. Bu most of them do not show evidence of any care.
When I was a kid, my dad would take us to the relative’s graves a couple of time a year…I don’t do that, and I expect my kids won’t.
Do you?
Yeah, but not to visit anyone I knew. I like to walk around cemeteries I’ve never been to before just for the sheer coolness factor. There’s such a tranquility to them, and that’s probably as close to spirituality as this agnostic is likely to get.
I read people’s headstones and imagine how they might’ve lived, especially if they have a picture, and more especially if they were young, and even more if their tomb is covered with wilted flowers and/or weeds.
Besides, I do all my best cosmic pondering/bullshitting in these places. Life always seems more special when it’s beset by death (yeah, I know, how emo :D).
Oh, me too, Reply. I ADORE old cemetaries. There is a little one that looks like the setting for a Gothic movie that I walk through in autumn. There are old barely legible tombstones for people who died in the 1800’s, and even earlier. There’s one stone, d.o.d. 1760…1760! Before the American Revolution! I don’t care much for the boring new ones, no character, no charm.
Of course the OP probably meant, do people regularly go to a cemetary to visit the grave, tidy up, bring flowers - of course they do, especially on holidays and Sundays. But I think it’s much more of an older person sort of thing. I know my mother, age 80, goes to the cemetary come hell or high water, aches and pains and illness, in the spring (to plant geraniums or something) and on and off through the summer (to water/tend the geraniums). Calls my younger relatives and tells them to 'get their asses up to the cemetary to weed Whoever’s grave". It seems very important to her. That’s the only time I myself have ever ‘visited’ a cemetary (non-recreationally) myself, is driving up there with mom. I won’t be buried there as I am not her religion. I hope they will cremate me instead and put me in a mausoleum. I don’t expect anyone will be visiting me whether I’m on a shelf or in the ground.
When my mom was alive, it was very important to put flowers on the graves of her family. She was the family geneologist and her history was important to her. I’ve tried to honor that by putting Memorial Day flowers on my mom and dad’s grave. If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t see a need to visit most cemetaries.
I lived next to a cemetery growing up, and it was fun to shoot cans off the headstones. Other than that, I never go to “visit” loved ones. My Daddy died almost 20 years ago and I’ve never seen his grave. I just don’t see the point. Plus, it being in Memphis, I’d probably be shot or raped in the cemetery.
I visit my uncle’s grave everytime I visit home. That’s only once every two years or so. Other than that no.
I’ve never been to a cemetery outside of touring some really old historic one because no one I’ve cared about has ever died. And I hope to keep it that way for a long time to come.
There’s a nicely-kept old graveyard next to the local grocery store. I used to go over there between school and work, buy a loaf of bread and a hunk of cheese, and spend a nice hour munching under a tree on a nice day, maybe reading a book. I’ve been criticized for being disrespectful by doing this, but I like to think that if I were dead, I’d like to be resting in a place where a kid can come in and have a relaxing time, rather than a stiffly formal place where no one comes to be happy.
Then again, I know a girl who lost her virginity in a graveyard at midnight. To each her own, I guess.
I visit my father’s grave every time I go to visit my mother. There are always other people there visiting graves too. If you go on a popular day, like Mothers’ Day, Fathers’ Day or All Souls’ Day, there are a large numbers of visitors.
I do… I like to visit famous or historic cemeteries… See where the famous are buried… and sadly or not, that may be as close as I may get to them.
When I was younger, my family used to go at least once a year to clean up grandma’s grave. Nobody had done it in years. Last September, I took my grandpa, aunt, and mom, and cleaned and polished grandma’s grave. I don’t remember her, but I wanted it done, and I know that my relatives wanted to visit it and pay their respects.
Sure do. My dad’s parents are both buried at a cemetery a few minutes up the freeway from me. I say “Hi” whenever I drive past and will sometimes just drop by, walk over to their gravesite and ponder. It’s a pretty and peaceful place. Every so often the family will get together and go visit, leaving some rocks on the marker (it’s a Jewish tradition).
Odd coincidence, a girl I knew in high school is buried not 50 feet from them…she died of cancer at a very young age, 20 I think. Her father is now buried next to her.
I don’t know if others find cemeteries creepy but it’s never bothered me. It’s just…tranquil.
I’ve visited the graves of passed loved ones exactly one time each since the day of the funerals. I’ve never felt the need to visit more than that. I go once after the grass has had a chance to grow back to see the finished marker. I can see why other people do it, but I have never felt the urge.
I live next to an old cementary in DC and that’s where I walk my dog. I do see people visiting graves and one time I saw a woman just broken down on a child’s grave and then noticed her after that on the same day of the week around the same time doing the same thing. It was heartbreaking.
I love old cemeteries, but that’s one thing about me that squinks the wife out. Even though she’s not as superstitious or even ghost-believing as most Thais, she can’t get past her aversion to cemeteries taught as a child. We had to walk all the way around one one night upcountry instead of cut through, because she would not set foot inside. She couldn’t believe I was serious when I started to walk through it.
Old Chinese cemeteries are really nice. There’s a nice one in Melaka (also spelled Malacca), Malaysia; the oldest and largest one outside of China. A real tourist attraction, with benches to sit on. I could see her grinding her teeth the whole time. There’s a shot of it here; that’s a typical two-person grave, and the curved motif is standard. More views here.
In my grandmother’s town in Arkansas, I remember they had Decoration Day around July. In the summertime anyway. Everyone would decorate the graves and have a big community party. I’ve heard of this in other towns, too.
My mom died Friday before last, and her ashes were buried last week. I fear that, living far from my hometown, I don’t be able to attend to the grave site like I should. It’s Buffalo’s “old money” cemetery, so they should take care of the grounds; I’m not worried about weeds or neglect. I don’t think I’d be able to plant or place flowers on the site as often as I should, though.
Yes I do, and from my experience, on any given sunday there are a couple people visiting loved ones. I don’t go every sunday (it is the easiest day to find the time). I go when I feel like dialoguing with my memories of her. I will also go on her birthday, mothers day and the anniversary of her death. But she is the only one I ever go visit, even though many others have passed.
I find it soothing and refreshing. Besides, if it is a nice cemetery, its actually quite enjoyable - almost like going to a park.
I visit them for genealogy purposes. They range from the “blah” paint by the number perpetual care to the absolutely hellacool “Addams Family by Tennessee Williams” with Spanish moss hanging and rusty creaking gates. They really can tell a story beyond just the dates of birth and death, and they can pose great mysteries (example: why was my great-great-grandmother buried between her brother and his wife? Or why is the lady buried far in the corner of the cemetery by herself rather than with the three dozen graves over here? Or why is the black family crypt in this otherwise all white cemetery [most cemeteries in AL are segregated- not by law so much as by tradition- and the answer to that one proved quite interesting).
I have a ritual when I go “gravehopping”- I always take a roll of pennies with me and leave pennies on the headstones and of course the ancient stone on the slab to show respect. (The penny was an homage to Ben "penny saved is a penny earned’ Franklin’s grave [on which people throw pennies and periodically they’re collected and used for charity] and done just at my father’s grave, but now it’s gone viral or so.)
However… I never visit cemeteries just to pay respects. I feel absolutely no sense of connection to the people there and it’s no surprise to me that save for the newer cemeteries where people are still being buried you never see any evidence anybody’s been there in a while. It’s why I want to be cremated, though perhaps I’ll request a cenotaph somewhere (probably the Spanish moss/rusty gate one).
I do- there is a certain serenity. I also take the opportunity to look up long past relatives.
I used to hang out at the Fairview Cemetary in Albuquerque. It is full of tall old trees that house appropriately named wildlife–mourning doves and mourning cloak butterflies–and I also saw a pair of orioles there once. I liked the older part of the cemetary the best. The epitaphs were more interesting on the older stones (“Here lies the remains of a class concious socialist,” “How many hopes lie buried here,” and “Justice not sympathy” being among the most memorable.) Unfortunately the older part isn’t well maintained and the stones are frequently vandalized.
Once I was walking through an area where a lot of dead babies were buried and I heard a high small voice say “Mama! Mama!” This was a bit alarming. Then I realized the sound was coming from a tree. I was quite relieved to see that there was a crow in the tree and to remember that crows sometimes imitate human speech.
I visit once a year for immediate family and relatives in the same cemetery and no more. It includes whatever maintenance needs to be done. I don’t find a need to be at a gravestone to think about the deceased.
I don’t have a problem being at a cemetery and I will wonder in one. i just have no reason to specifically drive a distance to go to one.