do suicide bombers get paid?

seriously :slight_smile:

WANTED – Progressive and motivational company seeks experienced suicide bomber. Must be self motivated and a team player. Send resume to…


Suicide bombers are usually religious fanatics or completely nuts (whoops, those are the same thing.)

So they’re perfectly willing, I’m sure to render their services for free.

Suicide bombers are often very young, filled with religious zeal and fervour, and with the wonderful image of dying for service of the Cause. Pretty much everyone in teen years or late teen years has notions of their own mortality, and imagines some great self-sacrificing Noble Death, I suspect. When such people get in the hands of religious terrorist organizations, it’s not hard to fill their heads with the Glorious Afterlife (waiting on hand and foot by beautiful naked whatchamajigger sexual spirits, etc) that will be theirs for the Wonderful Martyrdom.

Sad, very sad.

When I use them, I just tell them I will take care of their family. They know they will die and don’t need anything for themselves.

Where do you live? Now that I told you I have to … send someone to visit you.

Being waited on hand and foot by beautiful naked whatchamajigger sexual spirits doesn’t sound sad to ME. :smiley:

IIRC this kind of thinking goes way back. The Pope promised that anyone who died fighting (on His side of course) in the crusades would go to heaven. I’m sure its the same with modern day nuts. Kinda sad if you think about it. In order to get a “Go to heaven free card” you have to kill & destroy.

In a lot of cases these people are outcasts in their own closed societies. Drug users, petty criminals, homosexuals, “fallen women” - the terrorist organizations snatch them up and tell them that they have a way to redeem themselves, to “make their families proud”. In cultures where the family is often more important than the individual, that carries a lot of weight.

The ads are in the same section with “Stuff Envelopes at Home” and “You Can Become Rickh While Sitting On Your Duff Serfing The Wibb.” The suicide bummer ads usually promise medical and dental insurance and generous vacations.

I hope I misspelled enough of that to get past the spam filters. I guess we’ll never know.

Heh. The spam filters in GQ are named “manhattan” and “Chronos.”

No worries as long as it’s not real spam.

Time-share suicide bombers?

I worked as a suicide bomber in the past many times and I wasn’t that good at it, however I got paid very well.

Not only do suicide bombers get paid, but they get medical and dental also.

Worker’s comp claims are a real problem in this business. So is liability insurance.

If ever there was a job that justified hiring a “temp” this would be it.

Suicide bombers don’t get paid if they’re good suicide bombers.