Do they make PVC big enough to launch a goat out of?

You are SO right. The ramifications percussions and repercussions this drums up might be felt around the world.

This was done by Chris on “Northern Exposure”, although the piano was an upright. IIRC, he first intended to launch an animal–a cow, I believe.

The question that probably shouldn’t be asked, but begs to be–at what do you intend to fire the goat?

Oh, and put me down for rhythm guitar and mandolin for the Goat Cannons.

Dr. J

You do realize that there are serious penalties for attempting to introduce sheep puns into a discussion of goats? One should not undertake these sorts of efforts capriciously.

“Whatever gets your goat. Thanks for correcting me, though,” Meephead replies sheepishly.

 Not to nitpick, but wouldn't you want to employ a goatapult?


Yes, Cartooniverse, you’re right! What was I thinking?

Maybe it’s because I knew it was a trebuchet I wanted (sorry, adam!), but the damn search engine wouldn’t work under that name, so I had to revise the search and got too shaken up to spell. Not as shaken as the goat …

We need to decide on a good venue. Something ala Woodstock but with tons of security and impenetrable perimeter fences to thwart crashers. We get a concession for the franks, with a hefty check up front to finance the whole deal. T-shirts, goat dolls, little goat cannons. We gotta name the little cud chomper and flesh out his persona. We’re a gonna merchandise the sht out of it. Sign a contract with NBC (didn’t they have survivor? They’re bound to love it), and wire the hll out of the whole joint. Speed Caprine oompah and acid goat waltzes up to launch and of course the goat cam to relive that special moment again and again. We’ll be caprioling in the cash.

I’d like to get back to some of the basic physics here. No matter how hard you try, and with any amount of duct tape and bubble wrap, goats just don’t spiral well. This will cause you significant problems in any trajectory calculations. I would strongly recommend using a smooth bore approach and rather than using one standard size goat, use 12 to 24 pigmy goats. That way you are much more likely to hit your intended target.

I also agree with the ceramic materials… trying to bring a metallic goat canon onto a major US air carrier is about as easy to explain as them finding 17 pairs of size 4T pink panties in your briefcase (or so I’ve been told).

CBS had Survivor, IIRC. Who would want to be on CBS? You’d get negative ratings.

I’m sure we could get FOX to carry it, though…maybe in the timeslot between “Cops” and “Scariest Police Chases MCCXXIII”

Or maybe during a commercial break in the Super Bowl!

Yes, but if you use a saboted goat (i.e. a goat in a sabot), he’d spin.

FYI Dept:
3. A lightweight carrier in which a projectile of a smaller caliber is centered so as to permit firing the projectile within a larger caliber weapon. The carrier fills the bore of the weapon from which the projectile is fired; it is normally discarded a short distance from the muzzle.
…also, a piece of soft metal attached to a projectile to take the groove of the rifling.

We ought to bio-engineer a goat of callipygian profundity wherein we could jam the goat, posterior first into the cannon without a sabot. These will of course, be known as sabot goats, or Sabot Gunslingers in the trade.
The Superbowl break airing is genius, you got marketing, the Brotha has the music.
We ought to bring in the trebuchet idea just to warm up for big launch.

Ok, we don’t really need you guys adding folly to our serious discussion. Who would really go to the efforts needed to create a custom casing for each goat?

Now, let’s keep to the basic topic of how to economically fire a goat or series of goats with a maximum of accuracy.

Or perhaps I misunderstood the original question.

You might also want to consider digging a hole in the ground and burying the rear portion of the cannon. This has two benefits: First, it leaves the mouth near ground level, for ease of loading, and second, it greatly reduces the risk of shrapnel, should the barrel explode.

I think you are neglecting to consider a perfectly good natural propellent. Methane gas produced as a result of decaying manure. Obviously if the man has a goat then there is a surplus of goat manure. It could be contained in a closed system. An old discarded steel underground gas tank removed from a gas station would be perfect since these now are numerous after the government forced stations to change to plastic. The steel tube could be mounted to one of the holes on top and one of the other holes could be used as the “trigger”, perhaps a quarter stick of dynamite with the fuse exiting a small hole drilled in the cap of the hole. Thus you have rid yourself of the goat and the goat shit all with easily acquired and inexpensive means. I will not however be responsible for the goat’s safety in this experiment however. Perhaps the previously mentioned plug technique (shotgun wad ?) would be helpful in keeping the goat intact.

I live in NY State, about an hour from White Lake ( Where Woodstock was REALLY held). I think there is some extremely attractive farmland still open and undeveloped near me.

"GoatStock 2001" will have a lovely yet cutting edge icon, and an adorable stuffen animal ( as mentioned in a previous post). I'm thinking a Proud Goat, wearing WWI vintage aviator goggles, perched proudly ( 'Cause it's a Proud Goat and all) on top of a Fender Slide guitar. Derivative of the Woodstock Logo? Sure, but who would sue a goat?

I’ll spend the morning calling some producer pals in the city, as well as NEP- they will provide the satellite uplink and WebCast trucks and infrastructure. God dammit, we’re gonna make this Goat fly !!! ( Which of course, was the original idea right? )

“Producer of Cloven Hooved Projectile Live Events since

And here is the title of the official theme song for Goatstock:

“Goat Riders in the Sky”
(ducks cascade of rotten vegetables)

You know, we may be overlooking the obvious, here. Perhaps it has already been done?

I think we ought to check out Caprine Supply to be sure that they don’t already have a goat propellant system already built that we can simply buy outright.

We need a magnetic accellerator/mass driver; or a RATO/JATO unit, which could be inserted into the goat’s, ah, orifice. A launch platform for our I.C.B.G. (Inter-Continental Ballistic Goat) would also be needed.

Enter the Space Age! SD Lunar Expedition in 2001! “That’s one small step for a goat…” :stuck_out_tongue:


Don’t you think these goats would require a bra or some kind of support?