[QUOTE=Phlosphr]
I understood and respect what you originally posted. And I am looking for people out of their 20’s to respond. Since my 20’s and my wifes were a blur, we’re trying to make all the right steps now. Though financially secure now, we feel it’s the best time to start having kids. I’m VERY Happy to be financially secure when we have children, I would not have wanted the extra burden of living check to check like when we were in our early 20’s… That being said, I know several people who are doing perfectly fine at 36 years old with a 14 year old daughter… No biggy, but happenstance and L.I.F.E stepped in and we are now having our children in our 30’s…
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Well, here’s a bit more anecdotal information: the little Torqueling is now 29 days old. My wife turns 34 this month, and I will turn 34 next month. So, we’re in that “after-30” group you wanted to know about.
My wife has a condition called McCune-Albright Syndrome, which causes quirky (at best) functioning of some body systems, including reproduction. We had been told that her chance of conceiving naturally was less than 1%. We tried in vitro, but that didn’t work. So, imagine our surprise when, on the same day we received the last document we needed to send to the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs to adopt a baby from China, she took a pregnancy test and it showed positive.
Because of our age group, and because of her MAS, she was determined to be at high risk of having a Downs baby. She’d been told that even when she was younger; “the longer you wait, the greater your chances,” said her doctor.
Anyway, I’m afraid I don’t remember exactly when it was, but I believe it was around month 4 or possibly 5 of the pregnancy, we did the triple screen, which I believe was mentioned above. Basically, it’s a blood draw test, wherein they measure different hormone levels and determine the odds that your baby is at risk for Downs. As I understand it, it also assesses the risk level for other “neural tube defects”, although what exactly those defects may be, I do not know. We were called in to discuss the results, because they were abnormal. Great. So, first they showed us a video about how wonderfully simple and low-risk amniocentesis is, and then the doctor came in and told us that rather than 1 in 250, which would be normal for our age group, the screen showed our risk as 1 in 10. That is a mighty scary number to hear.
But, we carried on. I reassured my wife that, first, the screen is just a screen, as the name implies; it doesn’t mean that the baby DEFINITELY has Downs, just that the chance is higher, so they need to look at it closer. We decided to wait on doing the amnio, because the odds were so greatly against this baby’s conception that we wanted to wait until after the age of viability, just in case something went bad. In the meantime, we made sure at every ultrasound that they looked closely at other potential Downs indicators, like the nuchal fold, femur length, brain hemispheres, the heart, all that good stuff. It was all always perfectly normal, but still, that blood test will nag at the back of your brain.
So, around week 28 or 30, we did the amnio. If you can avoid watching it, do so; that long needle freaked me out, as did the appearance of the fluid, and I never enjoy seeing my wife in pain (they don’t numb the area or anything). Anyway, we waited impatiently for the results as they grew the chromosomes in a little dish somewhere. Results: 23 pairs, no extras, so no Downs. Also, two Xs, definitely a girl, so no more telling the wife that ultrasounds sometimes overlook a penis.
Our daughter was born by C-section on April 17th, earlier than the planned date of April 30th, because the doctor was concerned that my wife was preeclamptic and becoming toxic. It’s good that they moved it up; the day after the birth, my wife weighed more than when she was pregnant! The extra weight was due to fluid retention, and her body just wouldn’t let it go; she got very scared when she went to the bathroom and her legs were so swollen that she couldn’t bend her knees enough to sit down. But, thanks to monitoring and lasix and such, she finally started giving up the fluid. I think her ankles are skinnier now than before she got pregnant. Anyway, if you want more specifics about delivery or C-sections, just say the word.
Because you’re over 30 just like us, what I’d advise is this: pay very close attention to what’s going on with her body. Swelling should not be taken lightly. If she hurts, make her tell her doctor. I had a big problem with this; my wife would think she was just a weenie, because other women hurt during pregnancy and they just suck it up. Turned out she had shingles, which was causing an inordinate amount of pain on top of the pregnancy. So, watch for that crazy stuff.
One great thing about having a baby later in life is that most folks your age have already done it. That means that, not only can you sponge baby clothes and toys and furniture off 'em, they can tell you who the best pediatrician in town is, who the best OB is, what hospital is the best for delivering the baby, advice on breast feeding, and all that kind of stuff. Which is the last bit I want to pass along: if you plan to pump breast milk, rent a medical-grade breast pump. Worth every penny.
Best of luck to you and the missus.
Regardless of the outcome, I would have had the baby, but I think sometimes good to know in advance, just to prepare yourself.