I’m a super-judgmental person inside my own head, but I wouldn’t say I’m bigoted by my own definition. I do think there’s at least a kernel of truth in common stereotypes (and some things decried as ‘stereotypes!’ are simply statistical truths). But that’s not enough to warrant making assumptions about every woman, landscaper, or black or Korean person I may meet, or expecting them to prove to me they defy the stereotypes I may associate with them.
I have implicit prejudices, and I’ll admit to it. The thinking part of my brain respects all human beings equally irrespective of demographic category, but the irrational one is a different story. I have knee-jerk negative reactions to black people, brown people, old people, young people, gay people, obese people, religious people, bald people, sports fans… heck, most categories that you can name that I don’t happen to belong to, and a few that I do.
However, I override these in my daily life as best I can. Those thoughts that pop into my head and take a fraction of a second to ignore surely aren’t mine. I know perfectly well how stupid they are. It’s not really me holding those opinions. But they do come from somewhere inside my own brain. So somehow they *are *mine anyway.
Yes, this feels disturbing to me. Why am I split into two people like this? What is this part of me who is not me but still somehow is me? And why is he such a bigoted asshole?
Also, how many of my opinions do I have to question the validity of? All of them, or just those that matter? What if that guy is the one who is responsible for me not liking carrots? Maybe carrots are awesome, and I’m missing out because I’m listening to this bonehead that is me but not-me, and he has some hang-up about orange vegetables?
Who is in charge here? Who’s driving?
Can you explain why you have ever need to know if a landscaper had a college degree? Or why you needed to know if a child has a father in his life? Or why you need to know if a taxi driver is a Somali? The only reason I can think of is that you need to continually feed your prejudices in a lame attempt to justify them.
In the example given, my assumption that Antonio is probably of Italian descent would be automatic, essentially an involuntary brain process, and would result in no harm to him or to me. If someone asked me if he were of Italian descent, I’d say “I think so.” If contradictory evidence were presented, I’d revise my assumption, and both Antonio and I would go on with our lives, unscathed.
Forcing myself not to assume based on the same clues, by contrast, would require a concerted effort of self-deception, and at no particular benefit to anyone.
Yes, sometimes assumptions are wrong, particular when based on scant or faulty evidence. Sometimes actions based on those incorrect assumptions can be harmful. That doesn’t mean nobody should ever speculate on anything. In your ideal world, it seems Sherlock Holmes would’ve been one boring motherfucker who never solved much of anything.
You aren’t making an active assumption in the case you describe, unless you have some obsession with labeling everyone you encounter. And Sherlock never solved anything, he’s a fictional character, and his fictional crime solving skills when applied in real life have led to numerous injustices.
If you are interested in learning about Hmong culture, you can’t do better than the award-winning book The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down. Although I didn’t personally know any Hmong, reading this book gave me a perspective on them that has helped illuminate one little corner of my mind.
I have found that other books (as well as articles, movies, etc.) that tell a story from inside a culture have helped me to have a different perspective. I always think about how reading The Joy Luck Club made me see the little stooped Chinese women whom I frequently encounter in San Francisco in a whole new light.
Assuming inconsequential things about people I don’t know well based on their names, skin color, features, accent, demeanor, and lifestyle (all of which indicate ethnic/cultural background and often, belief systems) certainly has small benefits in my daily life. For one thing, I adjust my humor, and freedom to make honest/negative remarks about certain things. If I meet someone conservative-looking with an Irish, Italian or Polish last name you won’t catch me joking about Jesus, using foul language, commenting on priest sex-abuse scandals (there are a couple currently in my immediate area), openly displaying my atheism, criticizing anything to do with Republicans, or having any opinion about abortion until I get to know them pretty well. I’m sure there are plenty of lapsed Catholic or even agnostic/atheist, pro-choice, socially liberal people round here with Irish/Italian/Polish surnames but I’ve been living in this neighborhood for 7 years and the vast majority is the opposite. It’s gotten me in trouble enough that I’ve learned to be very careful.
If someone has a Jewish name (and is not clearly Orthodox) and a slightly ‘alternative’ physical appearance, I admit I am very likely to assume they agree with my views on these matters - and have not so far regretted expressing such opinions openly from the first. Of course I am meeting most of these people through my existing Jewish liberal friends which I’m sure has an effect on us all agreeing with each other about abortion.
I’m not a bigot, in that everyone on the planet kind of pisses me off. Seriously, if my inner monologue was broadcast, I would be getting an ass kicking all day every day.
It’s trivially easy to come up with reasons. “Y’know, landscaper, how Friday nights in college can be, amirite?” “So what are you doing for father’s day?” “Man, proms sure have changed since we were kids.”
But why do I have to come up with reasons? It’s implied that there’s a reason you’re even pondering the other person’s history. Why are you even fighting this? The only reason I can think of for you to deny that “Statistically, 95% of Xs are Ys. Therefore, it’s safe to assume this X is a Y.” is useful is because you think Y is a bad thing or that you shouldn’t notice that the other person is X to begin with.
There is a wide difference between assumptions based on appearance - and negative assumptions based on appearance. It’s helpful to not confuse the two.
Noticing that Antonio at the pizza parlor has an accent and appears Italian is not in and of itself negative. Asking him about his background out of curiosity is not racist or negative. To claim otherwise is frankly delusional. How can we celebrate our diversity if we pretend it doesn’t exist?
Same with the landscaper, etc. etc. etc.
This was more what I was getting at.
The whole contention of this thread is that we make assumptions/have prejudices about people even though we think we shouldn’t. The point I’m driving at is not whether you have them at all, but when they conflict with how you know you ought to think because your higher brain is reasoning over the base where your prejudices/assumptions lie. I agree with the person who said their internal monologue would get their arsed kicked 
To the OP: Sure, all the time. I’ve thought everything about every group you mentioned - including Jews, but to a different extent (eg, the Hebrew Boys’ Club type of schtick).
There are some groups that seem to be…well, it’s seems natural to presuppose…they may be of a background that exhhibits certain behavior. I think as long as we’re polite and courteous (I think actions mean more than thoughts) and are aware of our prejudices, we’re O.K.
I have ideas about Chinese Americans - part of it was my Joy Luck Club experience and part of it was being part of a Chinese American family. The things that I like and dislike about a culture (any culture) are with me everywhere. I think it’s also part of being able to read people.
I also think it’s OK to say, “Not all cultures are equal” or “I reject this culture because of X”. Anyone who claims to be completely fair or unprejudiced or whatever is lying or not paying attention.
You put such a negative spin on it! What you call “cognitive dissonance” I call “trying to be a better person.”
If I get cut off by a weaving driver or notice someone in the right lane with their left blinker on for miles, I expect them to be Asian. Also, I tell blonde jokes in my head. ALL THE TIME. Anytime I come across a ditzy chick with yellow hair, I kinda fall back to “Oh she’s blonde. duh!” Then I catch myself. Because I know lots of blondes who aren’t ditzy idiots (like my sister, for one!). Plus lots of non-blondes dye their hair, and just look blonde. But still, I think it.
Overall though, I’ve made a lot of process versus my cynical assholish internal monologue. I used to be pretty self-righteous about free speech being a free license to say whatever offensive thing I wanted to anybody. I don’t think nearly the same things I used to about gay people, black people, or “typical” women (meaning any chicks more girly than me). I’m much more grown-up now, and lucky I didn’t ever get punched in the face.
I do still think the same things I’ve always thought about religious people, but I keep it to myself ever since I lost a few friends back in college-and rightly so. However, unlike gays and black people and typical women, I’ve yet to see any evidence that they don’t deserve it. So I have no desire to change, in that regard.
Thank you. I agree that knowledge about a culture goes a long way towards diminishing prejudice.
Nicely said. We all rely on assumptions and categorization to make our way through the world, it’s just how the human brain keeps from getting overloaded. Cardboard box with a cartoon character on it? Probably a cereal box. Knee-high shadow with four legs? Probably being cast by a dog or cat. (Nope, Chuck Testa.) Someone with a small child? Unlikely to be a mugger, no immediate need to dive for the mace.
The problem is that as our brains are rapidly categorizing everything around us, it’s happening below the rational level and we’re going to form some associations that aren’t logically valid or fair. Usually it’s harmless. (Woah, it’s a bright orange coat that actually looks good! I didn’t think it was possible!) Sometimes it’s not.
Personally, there are certain negative behaviors that I associate with people of certain categories, mostly petty annoying stuff like letting kids run wild in public. I suspect pretty much everyone has prejudices like that. I do my level best to be aware of it and keep it out of how I treat people in those categories, and hopefully if I fail someone will let me know. This is the advantage of being a rational creature.
If anyone looks up my posting history, they’ll see me admit to having just as many racist beliefs as the next person.
But I admit I’m finding some of the thought processes revealed in this thread to be kind of disturbing. When I’m meeting someone for the first time, I do try to figure out what racial or ethnic category they belong to. But that’s usually about it. College degrees and citizenship never cross my mind. Those aren’t “passing” thoughts, IMHO.
Where I act in an “as-if” manner is the emotional stuff. Like Hypno-Toad. Unless I have a deep relationship with someone, I find it very hard to be empathetic to their pain or joy. But I know how to fake it and say the “right” things. I struggle when the problems are so far removed from reality that I feel feel anger rather than simple indifference in response (like once, a coworker whined to me about her poverty-stricken situation by citing her inability to buy a spinach-feta pizza at the grocery store…and she was 100% serious). But usually I’m able to pass myself off as a caring, emotionally-deep person. I do feel bad about this, but I’m starting to accept the idea that feelings really aren’t worth shit if there aren’t actions to go with them. You can’t help how you feel (or don’t feel), but you can help what you do. So that’s what I work on.
Yeah, I do. And I believe that only a small portion of our population - 15%, maybe - share every single politically correct viewpoint possible. And most of those people were shaped by their experiences in an extremely accepting environment.
For example, there’s nothing wrong with personally feeling homosexual relationships are wrong while you still think they should have the right to get married like heterosexual people.