My brother reports “love in half an hour”, which doesn’t quite count as first sight but hey, they’ve been together for 17 years now. His exact sentence was “I married Judy because, half an hour after meeting her, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.” I quipped back “well, you also married her because, three months after meeting her, you were finally able to convince her to go out with you :)” - her friends were calling him “her boyfriend” for weeks, by the time she agreed to even start considering him. He’s Mr Rushes-in, she doesn’t move a foot until the other three are firmly in place and wishes she had more feet to secure.
I haven’t had that kind of extra-fast connection with SOs, but I’ve had it with friends and with places; there have been people I had in-jokes and complete trust with within minutes of meeting, same as there are others I don’t connect with at all after decades; there have been places which felt like “home” within a week, others which would never have become “home” if I’d lived there for decades.
So, while it hasn’t exactly happened to me, I know it does happen sometimes.
As a man i “fall in love” maybe 10 times a day if I see a ridiculous beautiful woman. Meaning if she would hit on me, I could easily start a relationship based on her looks, get to know her and fall in love for real. Love at first sight means: I am attracted to her looks and she happens to be attracted to mine. Simply put: love at first sight happens much more often to good looking people.
I suggest that you put “Please read OP first, in the title”. I’m sure I’m not the only one who reads and answers the poll, then reads the OP. Sorry!
I believe that love at first sight does happen, with two caveats.
The first caveat is that I think there is also “subconcious recognition of matching emotional problems at first sight”, and that is very easily confused with love at first sight. So I would warn people to not exactly trust that first flight of attraction until it’s proven itself trustworthy.
The other caveat is that I believe that love at first sight is NOT true love. True love requires an honest and in-depth knowledge of each other. True love also requires nurturing - no true love exists if either partner is not willing to put some work into making it happen.
I call love at first sight “in love”, but I’ve heard it called limerence or a crush as well. Many people who fall in love grow their love into true love without realizing the difference; others hop from one “in love” to another without realizing what they are missing.
Another philosophy that I have come up with is that true love requires a past, a present and a future. Without a past (shared history), you really don’t have the depth of knowledge that true love requires. Planning a future together means that you are merging your two lives into one.
I didn’t see till after I voted that you could choose two options, so I selected yes it happened to me but also meant to say yes it happens all the time.
My official love count is 3. #1 was at first sight, a girl that happened to be a coworker in the dorm cafeteria. She and I became buddies and she was blissfully unaware of my love for her (she was dating someone else at the time). Another fellow cook and my confidante could see it but alas, I graduated a year before she did and moved temporarily out of state.
#2 was a blind date, and the minute I saw her was like sticking a finger in the light socket. We dated a few times and I only got to kiss her once, but the memory of her soft lips stays with me to this day.
#3 was my wife. I liked her at first sight and we became friends first and lovers later, and have 25 years of marriage.
So 2 loves at first sight, but the lasting marriage was not. One of the great things about the internet is that you can find those lost loves, both #1 and #2 have married and to look at those faces now, they just don’t feel the same.
The romantic in me says I fell in love with my wife at first sight.
The more realistic version is that I felt a very strong physical attraction to her when we met. This reaction is not necessarily unusual. But, in most cases, it doesn’t last – you either never see the person again, or reality intrudes and the initial physical attraction does not hold up under the harsh reality of everyday life.
However, in my wife’s case, it simply never went away. The spark of attraction just kept getting confirmed over and over the more I got to know her and realized how compatible we were, and yes, love ensued.
I think that’s as close as it gets to “love at first sight.” But I’m not complaining.
I guess you could say it exists if you define it differently than shown on TV. It could just mean knowing that you and someone else would be romantically compatible–I’ve had that happen before. But I didn’t love her. I did eventually, though, although I never really realized it until now.
It’s because of the Hollywood “love at first sight” and “head over heels” that I’ve not noticed love popping up. Forever I thought I was incapable of falling in love, but it’s just that I do so much more gradually.
One day, back in 1896, I was crossing over to Jersey on the ferry, and as we pulled out, there was another ferry pulling in, and on it there was a girl waiting to get off. A white dress she had on. She was carrying a white parasol. I only saw her for one second. She didn’t see me at all, but I’ll bet a month hasn’t gone by since that I haven’t thought of that girl.
I’m sure it’s possible to lust after and be infatuated with someone at first sight, and it feels great, but it’s not love. Infatuation can grow into love, sure, but it’s still not love.
For me, love and infatuation aren’t even on the same continent, and it’s impossible to love someone without knowing them.
So, no, I don’t believe in love at first sight. It’s just chemicals and confirmation bias.
Inductively, sure. Take the Venn diagram version, with its red circle on the left of weapons-grade Initial Attraction, and its white circle on the left indicating True Love, does have a small pink overlapping section.
So, it’s theoretically possible, at least for some values of love.
If you’re defining love in human interaction-ey terms, that is. Something like ‘long term passionate relationship involving mutual support, cuddling, and ideally soft cotton ropes.’ The answer works out to be something like ‘Yes, but your poetic phrasing implies an exceptionalism that isn’t justified.’
If you’re defining love in those poetic romance-ey terms, then the answer depends on how you define love. Some allow for it, some don’t.
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This model is highly simplified, of course. In my experience, the Initial Attraction circle overlaps almost perfectly with the Incomparable Orientation circle, but I’m told this is not universally the case.
The phrase “It was love at first sight.” seems to me to mean “I developed a crush on him/her the first time we met (And he/she fell in love with me instantly too.).” That is entirely possible, I think, it being nothing more than the brain churning out extra portions of dopamine, adrenaline (apparently), serotonin etc. I don’t think it’s requisite that you should know the person you fall in love with when you do, in fact that could well be adverse to the condition since it would make sense that a mate-choosing process starts not at spending time with people you like (friends and family) but unknown people who seem fit mates. You can spend an entirely lifetime with people you like and not come across a fit mate. Therefore, perhaps, the better you know someone (and the longer) the smaller the chance of falling in love with him or her.
