So what is it with these people? They seem like normal more-or-less happy families, albeit with teenage kids which seems to be difficult even with the best teenagers.
I don’t know, I guess for these people it’s a matter of picking their battles. I can promise that while I would let the hair and clothes go (as long as the clothes weren’t actually indecent), I would never let a kid of mine get away with calling me a bitch or an asshole (or whatever) to my face. Perhaps in a joking situation, with an older teenager or adult, yeah, but not a younger kid.
And nobody tell me this is because I don’t have kids…I can still decide that a house rule will be no calling Mom a bitch to her face. That’s not petty to me, that’s a big issue.
Add another vote here for mind-boggled.
I was separated from my father for three years in my early teens. During that time, I was angry at him and hurt. But yet, I would never have thought of being anything other than respectful to him, even behind his back (let alone to his face). The thought of anyone intentionally cursing their parents (or calling them anything disrespectful) is completely anathema to me.
I, too, am flabbergasted when I hear people curse at their children. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in people’s heads. Do they really want their six and seven year olds repeating such language? To me it seems that they just don’t care. And that’s just too bad.
I personally don’t use foul language. I figure that that’s the best way to make sure that my children grow up knowing the proper way to speak. It’s not perfect, of course, but I’m hoping that the best way I can reinforce this for my children is by setting an example myself.
Aside from foul language, I always try and criticize the behaviour, not the child. For example, if a kid acts immaturely, I won’t tell him that he is immature, but that he is acting immaturely. If he’s being disrespectful, I will express wonderment at how such a normally respectful boy can suddenly be acting in such a manner. It doesn’t work 100% of the time, but I like to think that it’s better than simply hurling insults at my kids.
As for names, well, my kids have perfectly good names. However, it seems that they sometimes get lost in the shuffle. For example, my second son’s name is Chaim Shmuel. When we named him, his two-year old brother couldn’t say “Chaim Shmuel.” The best he could do was “Sha-moo-me-a.” That eventually degenrated into “mooms.” The nickname has had an odd evolution since then, and currently stands at “nuss” (don’t ask why, I’m not certain myself).
Lately, however, an in-joke started in my family whereby everyone became known as “Fred,” including the hamsters. However, this too, evolved. We’re now at the point where we sometimes refer to the kids as “Fred, George and Wilma.” (again, don’t ask why…). It’s not terribly consistent, as the vast majority of times, we do call them by their proper names, but if we call out “George” or “Wilma” in the house, then the kids know who is being called.
One last point… I love to tease my kids. I suppose I get some perverse pleasure out of it. For the longest of times I told my daughter (who is the most gullible of all my kids) that we were going to go to court and change her name to Hossenpfeffer. Of course she’s since learned not to take me so seriously in situations such as these. In any event, we recently purchased a house, which is now being repaired before we move in. We told our daughter that there was an alligator in the house and that as per the previous tennants, it was the job of the youngest child in the house to feed the alligator. I even “Photoshoped” a picture of the boiler room with an alligator in it and showed it to her as “proof.” We also told her that she has to be prompt in feeding the alligator or else… Now when we refer to “alligator food” in our house, we all know which kid we are referring to. 
Zev Steinhardt
As an adult, I playfully called my mother “bitch” a few times, but only when we were both in playful moods. To actually call her a bitch, in a meaningful way? No, I valued my life too much for that! And I never call my kids names, other than playing ones (I often call my four-year-old “rotten girl”) I’ve been known to call my kids “brat” in a playful way (“c’mon, brat, let’s get moving!”), but never visciously called them names. Pretty recently, my oldest daughter, who was 16 at the time, was in one of her moods, and said to me “Y’know, mom, you’re being a real bitch today”. I’ve never hit her, but I came close for that one! After I calmed down, I told her, in very strong terms, that it is never okay for her to talk to me like that, and next time she does it, it’ll be a long time before she sees the hallway side of her bedroom door. I’m pretty sure she calls us names when we’re not in ear shot, but she’s not done it to my face since then.
Grwoing up, my parents rarely called me bad names or said mean stuff to me. I did get the occasional “quit acting like a whiny brat” or the like, but I deserved it 99.9% of the time. I got to suck on a bar of soap more times than I would like to admit for swearing. I got smacked in public once, but I was acting like a bitch (I was 12) and I don’t remember now what exactly I was doing, but I remember that my mom warned me three times to “knock it off” I gleefully ignored her, she turned around and smacked me, not really hard, but it was enough to shut me up. I was like “woah!!” she obvioisly meant it :o . Another time when I was in high school, being the brat that I was so good at being, me and my mom get into a big nasty fight and I called her a bitch, and meant it note to self never do that again. I had to pick myself off the floor after that one.
As an adult, I have called my parents names, but because they deserved it. My dad lost his job and became bitter and angry about a lot of stuff. He did find another job, it really did suck, but it was work. He was complaing about how he didnt like his job blah blah blah I told him to quit being an effing baby*. At the same time he was being really mean to my mom, and told him to quit being an a**hole. My mom would complain about a lot of stuff, and bitch about everything (she wanted new furnitire, dad lost job so there was little money for frivolous purchases. She would go on and on about how my dad is depriving her. I told her get get a grip on reality and quit being a bitch. That was a period where I felt like I was the parent and my parents were the kids. Having to referee my damn parents. I understand because of the stress, but damn… they are doing much better now
But that is really as far as that goes.
- I had been sympathetic, but I can only take people’s lame a** whining for so long, so I am not a complete cold hearted bi*ch
My kids and I will call each other names like “stupidhead” purely in jest, other than that we do not call each other names. I am very careful not to let my kids hear anything of that sort from my mouth. I know they have called me names behind my back, but that is really none of my business. Their dad, otoh, has become increasingly abusive, language-wise, as he ages. He has called them stupid, lazy, slut, little shit, jackass, told them to “get off your ass” and his vocabulary is full of 4 letter words. And, whenever I try to get him to tone down the language I get an earful as well. 
He gets called all kids of names behind his back, and most times, I have to concurr on the kid’s side. He’s got this “my house, I pay the bills, I can say anything I want” attitude going. So, guess which parent gets respect and which one does not?
Now, growing up, I would never, ever, under any circumstance called either parent a name other than “Sir” or “Ma’m”. just not done in our house. I still do not use anything stronger than “darn” in their company.
I just can’t comprehend this. I can’t even comprehend YELLING at my parents, much less calling them something nasty. It’s just something that Isn’t Done. My little sister says she can’t remember ever calling them anything either, though she may have during her younger and angrier years and just forgotten about it. It’s not a fear of punishment or anything, as the worst punishment I ever endured as a kid was being sent to my room for an hour once, it’s just… you don’t DO that! I’ve been absolutely horrified when I visited friends and saw how they interacted with their parents, usually during middle or high school. They yelled! At their MOTHERS! And their mothers yelled at THEM! It was like this crazy bizarro universe where nothing was as it should be…
As for the other direction, Qadgop told me I smelled like a goat once. In his defense, I did.