I’m sure most people view this differently if they are leaving the house to run errands, as opposed to to attend a fancy wedding or a job interview. But as a general matter, when you choose how to dress and groom yourself before leaving your home, how much of your thinking is aimed at making yourself appear in a way YOU find pleasing (or whatever other emotion you wish to encourage in yourself)? And how much of your thoughts are about the image you project to others who may encounter you?
(That was my attempt to pose a direct question. Now follows my rambling thoughts which hopefully explain rather than confuse.)
I thought this yesterday during a visit to the Art Institute of Chicago, where I found viewing the people almost as interesting as the art. Myself, I dressed to be pretty much invisible as a 6’ tall 62 yr old man can be. Shorts, a polo, and comfortable athletic shoes.
Many other people appeared dressed and groomed in a manner that seemed intended to project an image, such as the proper, wealthy art patron, the bohemian, the creative individual… Seeing as how I generally prefer that people not notice me - or if they do, that they just have some benign neutral impression, I often find myself thinking many people dress and groom themselves in a manner desiring to elicit reactions from others. But I realize I may be being unfair to these people. Perhaps the young woman in full face paint looked in the mirror and simply thought, “That is the look that give ME the emotional sensation I desire today! And I don’t care if anyone else even notices me, or if they do, what they think.”
Left to my own devices, I would probably dress and groom more sloppily than I do. Might not even brush my hair, and would likely wear old clothes until they fell apart. But my wife has to look at me, and so long as she buys me clothes that fit and are comfortable, I’m pretty happy to dress as she prefers. And I came to decide that my sloppiness was a bit of an affectation. When I was younger, I sorta got a kick out of going into a nice store dressed like a bum, knowing that I had plenty of money to by whatever the store sold. But for many years I decided I did not even care for that sort of attention.
I wear jeans and a polo shirt (or occasionally a henley). Basically I’m dressing for the benefit of people who don’t want to see me walking around in my skivvies.
Unless I am sick and going to the doctor, I always get out of my “around the house” cloths and put on something more presentable. Some exceptions may be made if I’m just going down to the drive thru or picking up landscaping supplies.
Because when you’re walking down the street, you never know who you might meet. It’s a miracle.
This has been my goal most often. I used to have a pair of black pants and a white shirt that I liked to wear as an outfit because I imagined it told nothing about me. I felt that self-expression was somehow tacky.
I’ve changed a bit in that regard. In the last year, I’ve bought some items of clothing just because I liked them, although I felt other people might consider them wrong for me. And I feel happy when I wear them.
As far as makeup, I don’t wear much, but I think it’s fun to apply and I feel better about the way I look when I do. I’m gonna say that’s for me.
I’ve worn a uniform for work most of my life, which doubtless colors my approach to fashion.
I take a similar attitude to my off-duty clothes. I settle on a few different “looks” , then buy enough clothes to wear those looks every day for a week or so. Summer is Bermuda shorts, boat shoes, and a short-sleeve high-end polo. I have a bunch of such shorts, and a bunch of such shirts. With only a vague notion of which pairings are bad; IMO they all go together OK.
Similarly, winter (all 6 weeks of it here) are long pants, usually snug/stretchy, same boat shoes, and a long sleeve polo or occasionally turtleneck.
Dressy occasions are slacks, shiny shoes, and a button up shirt suitable for a tie, but in stronger colors or interesting textures, and definitely no tie. With a sport coat sometimes.
So overall I’d guess I say I decide to project a certain look. Which I’d call “comfy-class older casual”. But that decision happens at the clothing store, not while I’m getting dressed today. Today’s decision is mostly about whether we’ll be indoors or outdoors and what the temperature is.
My new wife OTOH …
She has a very finely-graded sense of what she calls “casual” vs “formal”. Of the 20 or 30 restaurants we frequent, she rank orders them very specifically on that scale. And each has a very short list of outfits, shoes, and degree of hair prep & makeup that are required, required I say, to appear there.
Despite that fact this is South Florida and at every place from Mom’n’Pop burger joint to $500 / head gourmet extravaganzas the other women will be in anything from hot pants and halter tops to designer dresses with high heels and pearls to torn jeans and dirty sneakers. Often at the same table.
It’s kind of hard to describe - on the one hand assuming I’m doing anything more than running to the hardware store in the middle of a project, I’m trying to project some sort of image, even if it’s just the image of someone who can match a shirt and pants. But I don’t generally dress to get reactions from others - and when I wear makeup, it’s absolutely for my own enjoyment. Maybe it wasn’t when I was in high school and I spent 30 minutes on it twice a day - but I then spent about 20 years hardly ever wearing it. And when I did wear it it , I sort of felt like I did when I was young. ( I didn’t actually feel young - it was closer to how I’ve described retirement as a “second adolescence”)
I do enjoy being noticed. I don’t like when men obviously stare at me, but it does feel good to notice someone subtly checking me out. And I do think I try to dress/groom in a manner that elicits that. In other words, I’ve noticed that dressing too provocatively elicits some uncomfortable reactions, and dressing too conservatively/casually gets me ignored, so I do try to aim for that midpoint where I look attractive but still classy.
These are not two distinct things. Humans are such social creatures that our self-image is very entwined with our social image and how we present ourselves. In my mind, some looks say “You’re too high-maintenance and you’re trying too hard,” and others say “You’re too sloppy and didn’t try hard enough,” and I aim to be between those two extremes. I think everyone does that, but has different ideas of what the right balance is. For example, I don’t typically like to wear t-shirts because I think they look sloppy, and I get my eyebrows waxed regularly because I don’t like the look of bushy eyebrows. I think t-shirts and bushy eyebrows look sloppy, but I’m well aware that most people disagree on that. On the other side of things, I don’t heat-style my hair because it’s just too much effort on a daily basis, but I’m well aware that many women do, and consider it sloppy looking to have wet hair.
But to answer your question in the title, I definitely dress and groom for others, not just myself.
I just put on clothes without really thinking. Occasionally my gf will object, and she will ask me to wear a different shirt/pants. I’ve learned to just change, but on occasion I guess I change laterally and she will sigh and direct me to change again.
The remainder of my life may be interesting. A few years ago I threw out my suits and ties and vowed to never wear one again. So far it has worked. My daughter eloped due to COVID. My son had a beach wedding in Florida.
When I was working, I dressed to project a professional image. Since I was often the first person members of the public saw when they walked in, I wanted them to have the immediate impression of the school as an organized, professional environment.
Now that I’m retired, it’s all stretchy, loose pants and t-shirts or sweatshirts, depending on the weather. The only way I dress for anyone else is when I wear my “Pigeons are poems about garbage” shirt to work in the front yard because the neighbor who keeps doves is likely to walk by.
I would say as a general rule people dress for context - where they are, where they are going, how they want to be treated by others in those places.
Surely there are occasion for some where the context does not include any consideration of what others may think of them - at the extreme I’m thinking of jobs that need certain outward garb (deep sea diver?) Or someone working alone in the wilderness will certainly focus on utility for the context of weather and tasks.
But otherwise, what one wears and how one grooms inevitably communicates something to others. The guy who insists on wearing cargo shorts and a ratty t-shirt to a wedding and says, “I don’t care what people think!” is fooling themself. They absolutely DO care and make choices to communicate their obstinacy.
Similar to Dinsdale, based on where I’m going, I want to convey that I belong there, and don’t want to draw any negative attention to myself. So, not shabby, but also not overly “done up”.
On days where I go into the office, I wear jeans and a T-shirt. On days when I work from home or on the weekends, I wear sweats and a T-shirt. In the winter I wear a sweatshirt instead of a T-shirt.
It’s more about comfort than wearing something that I find visually pleasing to myself, and I really don’t give two hoots what others think. So, in contrast to the OP, I am trying to please neither myself nor others.
I don’t like feeling dirty, so I do shower and I am clean. I just look like a bum. I don’t smell like one.
Many years ago, we had customers coming into the building at work, and the head of our division stopped by my office specifically to tell me that I had to wear dress clothes and that I couldn’t wear jeans. That meant I had to actually go out and buy dress clothes, because I didn’t own any. When I went into work that day, the head of another department saw me and gasped “You’re wearing dress clothes!” And it apparently was such a momentous event that she took my picture.
I haven’t worn dress clothes since. I don’t think I even still own the ones I bought back then. I’m pretty sure they no longer fit even if they are hiding in the back of a closet somewhere.
I find this curious. I have occasionally heard people say they ought not be judged by their appearance. Which I interpret as meaning they wish not to be judged in a manner other than that they desire.
I’ve heard that from women who dress somewhat revealingly, from punks and goths who sport unconventional dress/hairstyles/body modifications, and from young people of all races who dress - and comport themselves - as “thugs.” I’ve often had difficulty with such complaints, as I feel that if you attire yourself in a manner intended to elicit a reaction, you sorta give up some right to complain about the reaction you receive.
Since Covid, my modes of dress have become more consistent across all contexts. A polo or button up shirt and nice jeans or Dockers - or nice shorts in summer - can serve equally well in most settings, whether running errands, at work, socializing with friends/family, eating out, attending shows… The formal settings seem to have become more casual, and my approach to the casual settings slightly more formal. (I’ll still wear a sleeveless tee when hanging around the house or doing yardwork in the heat of the summer, but decades ago I realized that NO ONE really wants to see me without a shirt on!)
Yep. At the museum yesterday, it was impressive how often I smelled BO. If nothing else, I wish to avoid being such a person. But my main concern is that I and my clothing appear reasonably clean and healthy, and that my clothes are clean and are in reasonably good repair.
I’m not good at matching. I remember when my wife told me something didn’t go with jeans. I thought EVERYTHING goes with jeans! I hate shopping, and am happy to wear whatever she buys me - so long as it is comfortable and I do not think it makes me look foolish. My preference is that most of my clothing be “mix and match” - that any of my shirts go well with any of my trousers/shorts. If some things only go with certain other things, I would prefer that the be labelled a la Garanimals! When I used to wear a suit and tie I quickly decided upon all identical white dress shirts, as I refused to decide whether a specific color/patterned shirt went with a specific suit or tie.
Nowadays, that mostly means dressing in one of several named aesthetics that I like - Steampunk, Mori Kei, Goth, Goblincore, Dark Academia, that sort of thing. I spent most of my youth/younger adulthood doing the same.
I went through a jeans&t-shirt phase from 35-40. It didn’t take.
Speaking as an older woman who used to be a reasonably attractive young one, I think men often don’t understand the subtleties of how women have to exist in the world. It feels good to be appreciated and admired, but women have to stay on guard for the moment that admiration turns into aggression. A man may intend his catcall or wolf whistle to be an expression of appreciation, but a woman has to stay alert to the possibility that is the prelude to assault.
Please understand: for women, this is not an abstract worry. When I was younger and would walk outside by myself or with a female friend, men in passing cars would shout crude comments that were often followed up by them turning around and following us or chucking objects out the window at us. This happened regardless of what we were wearing.
There’s a mile of difference between having someone’s eyes light up a bit when they look at you and having them obviously undress you with their eyes, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable that a woman would want to elicit the first but not the second. I also don’t think it’s an unreasonable societal expectation for men to stick to the former.
Both. I’m retired. Around the house, I wear a polo shirt or t-shirt, and I have two ratty pair of jeans that I alternate. If I’m going shopping or somewhere public, I change to a pair of dressier jeans I’ll wear with the polo or t-shirt. And I do it because I don’t want to be wearing ratty clothes in public, especially if there’s a chance I’ll run into someone I know. The funny thing is, I have several pair of good khakis that I used to wear to work, and I could wear those, but I haven’t worn any of them in a year-and-a-half.
If it’s not a ‘fancy’ function. I wear what ever I wish and am comfortable in. Generally jeans or shorts a tee-short and a fleece pull over. It’s very casual where I live. Mountain folks tend to dress for the weather.
Went to a wedding about a year ago back east. They tend to be more dressed up. Wore a suit that was tailored to me. Very, very uncomfortable all night. I guess I did that out of respect for the family. My wife has it easy. Throw on a dress and she’s good to go. Takes me about a half hour to put on a suit and tie. And traveling with that stuff is a pain.
At another outdoor wedding in Texas it was 100 degrees. All the guys ended up taking off their shoes and socks because of the heat. It was kinda silly.
When I used to wear a suit and tie I quickly decided upon all identical white dress shirts, as I refused to decide whether a specific color/patterned shirt went with a specific suit or tie.