I went to the symphony with my grandmother recently, and the woman sitting behind us felt compelled to comment on my hair during the intermission. (I have very curly brown hair, but I don’t think it’s anything remarkable.) What caught me as odd was the way she decided to compliment me on it: She turned to my grandmother and said, “Oh, don’t you get so jealous of people with hair like that? Oh, I’m so envious!” I smiled, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to say “thank you” to a compliment like that. “Thanks for feeling jealous! Really brightens up my day!”
I get comments like that a lot, particularly from older women. “Ooh, what I wouldn’t give to have your hair / your eyelashes…” Jeez, if they’re so important to you, take 'em. Haven’t done me any good.
You think that’s bad… When my girlfriend was pregnant and a student at KU, she was walking down the street when some woman came up to her, put her hand on her stomach and said, deeply and ominously, “I pray for the soul of the mother and the child!” My girlfriend called me in tears. Unfortunately, I was five hours away and not able to give that woman something else to pray for.
I’m tall (6’3") and skinny (150 lbs). I know this is true, because strangers comment on it at least a couple of times a week.
Lessee, I shot up when I was fourteen or so…23522=2392.
Yep, I’m pretty sure.
Maybe it’s because of that that I almost never make comments about a stranger’s physical appearance - assuming “I like your shirt/dress/tie” or similar falls into the category of physical appearance. If it doesn’t, take “almost never” and make it “never”.
Ugh - I started an ill concieved thread in the pit about this a couple of years ago. I’m on the thinish side and I’ve heard:
“Oh - you mean you’re NOT annorexic?!?” from strangers more times than I care to remember - honestly I don’t understand the motivation.
Also, I have red hair so that gets mentioned too.
The most common nice comment people make to me is “Wow - you have beautiful skin.” which I like. I also get fashion/wardrobe comments quite often as well which is fine.
Generally, I try not to comment on stranger’s appearances. Occasionally I’ll complement someone on their shoes or handbag (my thing). Other than that, I almost never say anthing - recently though I was on a ski holiday and I was sitting in the lodge having a drink and the waiter sort of snuck up behind me - I turned around and saw the fella and he had the best 'fro I’ve ever seen - generally I think they look stupid on 90% of people who wear them, but this guy’s was awesome. Before I knew what I was doing I said “Wow - you have GREAT hair!”
In reply to the thread topic. No. Because at 6’2" I’m sick to death of people telling me “you’re tall” as if I didn’t already know. I usually ignore them these days… Aparently the response du jour to “do you play basketball?” is to say “no I play the piano”.
Wouldn’t you just love to be Louise Moeller ?!? “No, I’m a jockey”
I never usually comment on others’ appearances, unless I think they look super cool. It’s a rarity though.
I’m a lanky male. That usually garners comments from people that I know. Sometimes I dress kind of well, I suppose, and strangers have commented positively on my shirt or pants or shoes. The only time I’ve ever been paid a negative compliment was by a homeless man who said, in a negative tone, that my sunglasses made me “look like Elvis”. I personally didn’t see the resemblance.
Right now I have a black eye. This has inspired many comments, but only from people that know me (friends, co-workers, etc.). Still waiting for one from a stranger.
Not quite the same, but my sister complains about strangers talking about her dog. She has a Newfoundland and people seem compelled to say, “That’s a big dog!” as if she didn’t know, or “What kind of dog is that?” as if they actually cared.
And yes, people of the world, I KNOW. You do not need to say, “Gee, you’re short!” Or, worse, “Wow, you’re short, but you know, my sister/cousin/MIL is almost as short as you are, you’re not alone.” Gee. Like I care. Though there aren’t many as short as I. But what am I supposed to say? “Why…I hadn’t noticed how damn short I am until now! You’re brilliant! That’s why I have a hard time buying pants!”
And unless you know me real well, don’t touch me. Ever. Especially don’t pat me on the head. I tend to become bitchy when that happens. Perhaps because I’m being treated like a dog!
Ah, the thing I left out of the OP… I really really hate having my hair played with- but everyone wants to. Besides the random strangers touching it when I was young, a couple of friends decided the best way to get my attention in class would be to pull on my conviently long hair. Don’t!
I flinch away from strangers who try to touch my hair, but I endure co-workers doing it occasionally- I figure it’s better than hurt feelings since they are otherwise nice women.
If you want to make some quick friends, go ahead and dye your hair an outrageous color. Suddenly, everybody and his brother will be clamoring at your door saying “You know what color you should dye it next? BLUE!” I was very popular on campus for a little while :rolleyes:
I might comment on someone’s clothing if they’re wearing something particularly cool, or if they ask me for an opinion, but otherwise, I keep my mouth shut. I do get comments on my appearance on a fairly regular basis - I’m small and reasonably slim (not supermodel skinny, but in proportion to my height), and it gets comments, primarily from women, primarily from those who are larger than I am. I’m not offended by it, but it does make me uncomfortable. Guilty, even.
I also got a fairly drastic haircut recently, and everyone comments on it. But as it’s complimentary, I don’t really mind.
I used to constantly get “Howdja get the scar?” in a really obnoxious, casual tone. It’s slowed down lately, and I can’t figure why. I’m positive it’s not because people are getting more polite.
Mind you, the people who ask this sort of thing are the same people who honestly can’t see anything wrong with it, so I’ve given up any thought to educating them and settled on the odd moment of insulting revenge.
At least it’s only words. I couldn’t handle the touching from strangers some of you get.
Because when I was a child, and someone made a comment about me, but directed that comment to my parents, it bothered me. “Hey! I’m not a dog. I can’t understand what you’re saying.” It’s the reason why I acknowledge the presence of a child, with at least a “hello” or a nod.
And, if I talk to a child (which depends on how they take the “hello”, particularly from a stranger), I will talk to them in the same manner as I would talk to their parents. I won’t slow my words or change the pitch of my voice or make insincere or embarrassing compliments.
The only thing that I would do differently when talking to a child would be, if standing, to crouch down to be more eye-level with them. Having a tall adult looking down at you, no matter what they’re saying, and even with a smile on their face, can be intimidating.
I am all for talking to a treating children of any age as (or as if they were) adults. But I am also concerned that Children are taught not to speak to strangers, and that there are bad people about. So here is the example I was thinking of when writing my post.
On a shopping street I saw a child in a very nice dress, with parents. I was currently looking for birthday present Ideas for my niece.
I said to parents, “Your daughter is wearing a very pretty dress, did you get it locally?” on getting a friendly reply, I then said to the daughter “I’m looking for a present for my niece, could you tell me where is a good shop for clothes?”
I will also allways conduct a smile-conversation with todlers and babys, that is where if they catch your eye, you smile broardly, and then if they respond, you smile more and more exageratedly, or pull a silly face, to see if they will respond.
I would generally always talk to the parent first, unless I was just saying something like ‘Excuse me, please’ to a child that was in the way. I would also avoid talking to the parent about a child without also talking to the child (unless a baby) for the reasons of rudeness that you pointed out.
So in my example shopping meeting, if the parents hadn’t been forthcoming but said “Don’t know” I’d say to the child “Do you know?”, only if they were rude would I not talk to the child.
My brother has big feet. Well , he grew into them eventually, but you know how gawky young teen boys look … and he had these long, long feet. The boys at school used to tease him that his shoes looked like canoes.
My dad taught him a reply to these rude comments, which I think his dad taught him.
So yesterday, I took my 15 yr old son to the dentist. He’s about 5’10", gawky and gangly with these big … long … feet. And of course, skinny kid legs and some big honking tennis shoes.
There’s an ancient man in the waiting room, standing there talking to the receptionist. My son has his back to the man; I sit down on the couch. The man bursts out with “Wow! I’ts a wonder that boy can stand up! Look at those big feet!” My son gets this look in his eye like, he’d really like to smack the old dude.
Instinctively I blurt out:
“You know what my Daddy always told me??”
“What?”
“Banks are built on BIG foundations and OUTHOUSES are built on little ones.”
Then the old guy goes to kinda forced laughing … huh huh huh … and the look on my son’s face was priceless. He turns around with this big grin like “Now whattya got to say?”
When I was little, I’d get “your hair is always so creative!” from people who probably did not mean well because anyone with any english skills at all knows “creative” != “pretty” or “good” or necessarily even “nice.” It’s the word you use when you’re compelled to say something, but can’t quite force out a compliment…and they weren’t actually compelled… Plus I had (and some ways still have) hair issues all over the place anyway, because it wasn’t straight, and the backhanded comments did not help.
I’ve also had the hair petting thing - really, people are not zoo animals. It is not appropriate to pet them. It is strange how many people manage to grow up without being taught that.
I sometimes comment on positive things. “That’s a beautiful outfit/great hair/etc.”
What gets me are the people who feel obliged to state negative or obvious things – or obvious things in insulting tones. “You’re bald!” Well, yeah. I shave my head. Do you really think that I am unaware of this fact? Perhaps someone snatched me baldheaded when I wasn’t looking? Does someone who’s 6’6" not know that he’s tall? Do you really think he is oblivious to all the doorways he has to stoop to go through?
Worse, though, are the ones who feel obliged to yell, “You’re fat!” or “You’re ugly!” at strangers. Again, do they think that someone who is not standardly attractive will ever be allowed to forget that fact in this culture?
Sorry, this sets off my rant mode. My fiance is 5’4" ; I’m 5’7" and I sometimes wear heels. People seem to feel that it’s a sacred duty to point out to us that I’m taller than he is. I’ve only known him for twenty years; you’d think I’d have figured it out somewhere along the way.
I will quite often tell a little girl that I think she has pretty eyes, or I like the way her mommy has braided her hair, or something to that effect.
When I was a child, I got a lot of “Where did you get your pretty red hair” and got tired of it. My standard response was a surly “I was born with it”.
Whoa, lotsa people here really don’t like personal comments, even if they’re complimentary. I’m not arguing with the position, btw, just suprised.
FWIW, I think some of it might be generational. I noticed the older-lady thing too, if it matters. I don’t really like strangers touching me either but some of 'em seem to just be, I dunno, motherly by their lights with the hair stroking. I’m sure no spring chicken but it happened to me last week. I was sitting in the sun and a casually-known older lady stroked my hair as she walked past, telling me how pretty my hair looked. It was startling but she was so sweet and unselfconscious about it i couldn’t take offense. YMMV.
Any comment that could possibly be interpreted negatively is right out. That most definitely includes comments on height or weight. I’m very tall for a woman–a titch under 5’11"–so got a bellyful of height comments while growing up. Even if they were harmless in intent, it took years to stop feeling awkward, gawky and freakish because of my height.
I limit myself to rare comments like, “Great (whatever)! That looks so good on you!” or such or a vague, “You’re looking well; so glad to see you”–which can either be interpreted as healthy or attractive.
I can’t recall ever commenting on a stranger’s natural features, like their height or their hair, but I occasionally give strangers compliments on their jewelry or tattoos. After I’d been admiring a customer’s forearm tattoo, it seemed natural to say “That’s a really nice tattoo.”
