Do you feel lucky that you don't have a passionless, roommate-like marriage?

One more for the chorus: together almost a decade, just boinked last night. :slight_smile: I used to think, years ago, that if we split up or something happened to him, that I’d recover, and would eventually move on and be just fine without him. Now, that is no longer true.

And yes, working on communication has definitely helped our relationship. I’d like to go back in time and undo so many arguments that were nothing more than giant misunderstandings…

Y’know, I don’t think people adequately instructed me when I was young that relationships are hard work. I now suspect that this is why my parents split up.

Seven years isn’t a really long time but it’s the longest for me. I have made no secret here about my adoration of my beloved Mig. We’ve had issues. It isn’t perfect. But we have that wonderful bond I’ve never had with anyone else. I KNOW we’ll be together for life unless something awful happens and he’s literally physically taken away. Even then we’ll figure it out.

I am not a passionate, physical person. I am not even that crazy about sex but he manages to drive me crazy, and I’ve noticed it gets hotter all the time. Just yesterday I got turned on watching him manage to get our van up into the driveway over thick ice. It was just so powerful and MANLY! I could barely wait until our daughter was asleep to jump him.

Nobody else could do that for me.

But there have been times we’ve both been ready to give up. We have a lot of issues dealing with cultural differences from the bad ol’ American food I cook to the way he treats animals. We have a lot of money problems. We really don’t even have common interests. We can’t even watch movies together! But DAMN he’s something special. And he always says I’m the other half of his heart.

I’ve found through a lot of discussions that people who have great marriages who are widowed recover much faster than those who have lousy marriages. I can think of two reasons why that would be, if it’s true:

  1. If you have a great marriage, you’re probably more psychologically healthy and independent, and
  2. If you have a great marriage, you don’t spend as much time after being widowed suffering from guilt and what-could-have-beens.

Obviously, this doesn’t address anything about splitting up otherwise.

Happiness in marriage is much like happiness in general, IMO - it doesn’t generally just happen. It results from making intelligent decisions. Not entirely, but enough to be significant.

The trick is to find someone to be passionate about, but not be blinded by that passion. You need to be basically compatible with the other person - have the same goals and values, like the same kinds of things, agree about budgeting and children and expectations in life.

And take a careful look at how the other person relates to his or her parents - this is important.

Do I have a passion-filled relationship? I don’t know if I would call it that - I am not a very passionate person. On the other hand, now that the kids are out of the house, it has certainly freed up a certain amount of time and energy that has been quite nice - it is pleasant not to worry about locking the door or having someone come into the living room unexpectedly.

I think of it as a “best friend with benefits” - I am living with someone who is [list=a][li]my best friend, and hot.[/list][/li]It’s not all swinging from the chandelier or obsessed with the other person’s every thought and nuance - who’s got that kind of energy? But there is something to some degree comfortable about being able to take the other person for granted a bit, providing the other side of things heats up often enough.

True love is something you make, not something you find. You just find the right material to make it out of.

Married a couple months short of 29 years.

Been married 32 years, known each other 39. Plenty of passion. We enjoy being together, but we don’t have to be together every second. We’ve survived two kids, illnesses, long separations, and even hanging wallpaper together.
No marriage is going to be continuous intense infatuation. But the base level of love is pretty high, and the infatuation shows up at frequent intervals.

Together for almost 14 years, married for 5.5, and absolutely lucky feeling.

Good thing too, because my wife’s a terrible roommate. :wink:

Together for 16.5 years, married 13.5 of those. Every anniversary I can honestly say that our relationship is stronger and better than the one before.

This, exactly. I’m not much for drama (so I don’t know if I qualify as “passionate”), but having that feeling to go home to is the best thing ever. Laying down in my hubby’s arms is part absolute contentment, part excitement. :smiley:

This quote is so good I just emailed it to him. We married young, straight out of college, and were dumb kids with a lot to learn, but we were pretty good “materials”, and we made a relationship together that’s better than anything I’d ever dreamed of. I’m already pre-planning our 15th anniversary party (we throw a big one every 5 years). He really is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.